I love my family of origin (parents, brother) but their conservative views make it hard

[Anonymous]

Title kind of says it all. In years past we could avoid talking about politics, and it was fine. But now things are feeling deeply personal given the overturn of Roe etc. And yes, I saw this coming, I haven't been burying my head in the sand, but wasn't quite prepared for how it would feel. It's also getting tough because I have two girls and they are getting old enough, especially my 14 year old, to become really frustrated with grandparent views.

It's already been strained, and now it feels even harder. Just want to commiserate if anyone else is going through this.

[Anonymous]

Time to distance if people can't talk about neutral things, OP, either you or someone else.

[Anonymous]

I understand your frustrations. The majority of my family is democratic of varying degrees and we recently got together for a funeral and one of the only Trumper-relatives waas there.

I said something to him like "I've seen your Facebook page and know your stance, and I'm sure you've seen mine. I'm happy we can get together and have a nice lunch, and recognize the most important thing is that we love each other." And we hugged, and it was beautiful. We probably both think the other is an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to distance if people can't talk about neutral things, OP, either you or someone else.

So it's not about being neutral in conversation. We've perfected that art in the last 5 years for sure. It's more about handling my deep resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to distance if people can't talk about neutral things, OP, either you or someone else.

So it's not about being neutral in conversation. We've perfected that art in the last 5 years for sure. It's more about handling my deep resentment.

PP you replied to. I socialize with my Godfather who a religious conservative. He's intelligent enough not to share his views with me, since he knows I don't hold the same ones. We get along and talk about other things.

[Anonymous]

I am done and letting go of any feeling of obligation toward these people in our extended family. They aren’t particularly enjoyable to be around. We’re happy to spend our vacation doing enjoyable things and not waste time and money traveling to undesirable places. We’re no longer going to play free bed and breakfast if they come to town. No more hosting them, cooking for them, or helping financially. They can ask God to cook them a turkey, give them free lodging and loan/gift them money. We’re out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am done and letting go of any feeling of obligation toward these people in our extended family. They aren’t particularly enjoyable to be around. We’re happy to spend our vacation doing enjoyable things and not waste time and money traveling to undesirable places. We’re no longer going to play free bed and breakfast if they come to town. No more hosting them, cooking for them, or helping financially. They can ask God to cook them a turkey, give them free lodging and loan/gift them money. We’re out.

LOL, "cook" a turkey. No one wants a "cooked" turkey. Fried or smoked - and you know NO liberal actually knows how to do either. Besides, who are you kidding? You were hunkered down and avoiding all social interactions for the past 2 years. Enjoy another lonely set of holidays where its just you, DH and the kids. How fun.

[Anonymous]

I'm right there with you. My mother is finally "getting it" when I told her they're coming for IVF next....4 of her grandkids are IVF babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to distance if people can't talk about neutral things, OP, either you or someone else.

So it's not about being neutral in conversation. We've perfected that art in the last 5 years for sure. It's more about handling my deep resentment.

PP you replied to. I socialize with my Godfather who a religious conservative. He's intelligent enough not to share his views with me, since he knows I don't hold the same ones. We get along and talk about other things.

Does it bother you that you aren't truly close though, or are you just sort of over that? What if this was your parent, and not a grandparent?

[Anonymous]

Only a nutty lib would let politics split up their family.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand your frustrations. The majority of my family is democratic of varying degrees and we recently got together for a funeral and one of the only Trumper-relatives waas there.

I said something to him like "I've seen your Facebook page and know your stance, and I'm sure you've seen mine. I'm happy we can get together and have a nice lunch, and recognize the most important thing is that we love each other." And we hugged, and it was beautiful. We probably both think the other is an idiot.

NP. This is the civilized and kind way to behave. I'm so glad your relative hugged and it was a positive interaction, PP.

To the OP, of course the thread already is devolving into insults between some posters. No one wants to read the vital part of your title: "I love my family." I suggest you use the PP's post above for adapting a script to use with your own family. And when you see them, I truly advise not merely hanging out, but having specific plans to do and see things so everyone's attention is on the farmer's market/museum exhibit/kids' recital/whatever, and no one is hanging out with the TV on in the next room spouting news either Foxy or liberal.

I do get your concern about your daughters. I've got a DD just out of teenhood myself. I can only say, talk with your kids about the fact one can love a person without having to like the person's views, and how it is NOT condoning a person's views if you have other, neutral interactions with them. If the person is abusive, toxic, rails, brings up these sensitive things every time you meet--yes, that's a sign it's time to back off. But if not? You can love without approving of views, meet and do things without discussing these topics, and love the person without condoning the politics or moral stances. I know this from a lot of experience.

[Anonymous]

“I am not going to discuss politics/whatever with you, mom”. Hang up every time they do not listen and continue on. Either they will stop, or they just don’t value their relationship with you that much.

I, a Ukrainian, have had to do that with Russian (pro-Putin) family members. It is very effective in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to distance if people can't talk about neutral things, OP, either you or someone else.

So it's not about being neutral in conversation. We've perfected that art in the last 5 years for sure. It's more about handling my deep resentment.

PP you replied to. I socialize with my Godfather who a religious conservative. He's intelligent enough not to share his views with me, since he knows I don't hold the same ones. We get along and talk about other things.

Does it bother you that you aren't truly close though, or are you just sort of over that? What if this was your parent, and not a grandparent?

No, it does not bother me. I would mind more if it was my parent, however I know how to handle my parent and push and argue - I've had to do that in the past because she was terribly controlling and nagging. I do not feel it's my place to do that with my Godfather.

[Anonymous]

I am generally a person who thinks that I don't want the other side to think that all Democrats are idiots who blindly hate. So I don't. I stay and talk and discuss and continue to love them. A lot of my relatives are conservative. I don't engage in moments like this, where my blind fury is too all encompassing. I give myself some time. But I don't walk away.

No one is ever going to change their mind if no one wants to talk to them. So I just exist, as a challenge to their perspectives, an intelligent caring person that they love believes something different and can articulate those thoughts to them without hate, and that I do believe has made an impact. But days like today, I just don't see them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only a nutty lib would let politics split up their family.

+100

I feel like it is quite Trumpian to +100 your own post.