When people receiving meals also sign up to give meals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who has ever done a meal train. Is this a midwestern thing?

Nope. I’ve participated in many here. It’s a kindness thing.

(Locally born and raised.)

I never heard it called that until I moved to this area from Ohio. Growing up, it was not called a meal train and there was no online sign up. It was organized by other women in your Junior League, church group, garden club, neighborhood, etc. One woman would call friends and coordinate 2-4 meals.
I’ve done it in DC for a neighbor I never met because one of her 3 young kids was in chemo a few times a week - for months - multiple times over years.

That makes sense in the area your from. But in the DC area, junior league is not always a popular organization based on its roots, no garden clubs etc. We do really well with online sign ups lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who has ever done a meal train. Is this a midwestern thing?

Nope. I’ve participated in many here. It’s a kindness thing.

(Locally born and raised.)

Same. FXCO native.

Don’t do a meal train for me. I’m happy to drop off a fruit basket or a breakfast to go type thing (and I’ve done both) but in my experience, it’s a waste of everyone’s time unless the recipient has specified and scheduled these delivered meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who has ever done a meal train. Is this a midwestern thing?

Nope. I’ve participated in many here. It’s a kindness thing.

(Locally born and raised.)

Same. FXCO native.

Don’t do a meal train for me. I’m happy to drop off a fruit basket or a breakfast to go type thing (and I’ve done both) but in my experience, it’s a waste of everyone’s time unless the recipient has specified and scheduled these delivered meals.

+1, it's a classic case of people doing stuff that feels helpful without checking first to see if it is helpful.

I actually already had 10 casserole dishes in the freezer and ready to go before I had my baby -- it was our meal plan for the first month and when I was super pregnant we'd just make a double recipe of anything we had for dinner and freeze half. So getting a bunch of meals from other people was a pain -- nowhere to put them and we already had so many.

BUT I developed PPD and was incredibly lonely/isolated and felt like I was going crazy during those first couple months with the baby. I didn't need food but could have used support. But people seemed to have a kind of line item approach to is. Like "well I made them some enchiladas so that's taken care of." It was actually really surprising to me how many people actually look you in the eye and ask how you are really doing. I know it sounds terrible to complain about someone dropping off a casserole, and I know people meant well, but truthfully it wasn't at all what I needed and after a while I came to resent it. I would have traded all the casseroles in the world for one person texting me on a random Tuesday to ask how I was feeling.

[Anonymous]

^^How FEW people look you in the eye and ask how you are doing, I meant to write

[Anonymous]

Agree with all the PPs, what I really wanted was for someone to come visit on a random morning after husband had gone back to work and just sit and drink coffee with me while I try to nurse the baby. Bonus points if they've done it before and have reassuring advice. Negative points to my SIL who managed to "visit" without even acknowledging that a baby had been born because she's "not a kid person". I don't need your food, I need to TALK!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meal trains weren't a thing when I had kids, but I can't imagine eating food cooked by random people. I hear too many weird stories, like people who let their cats jump on kitchen counters or that co-worker who doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom. No thanks. I never eat at the office potluck.

That is me.

[Anonymous]

I've participated in three meal trains and never made the food. Twice restaurant delivery of the family's choice, and one was a DD gift card. So doesn't have to be home cooked if you participate if it doesn't work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I hate meal trains. They get organized for situations that don't merit it, and people often participate simply out of obligation rather than because it's really necessary.

When I had a baby, a friend offered to organize a meal train and I said no because I really did not want a bunch of acquaintances making dinner for us. We didn't need that. But it's funny because I actually would have appreciated if some of our close friends had dropped of food. Not even meals, even just like "here are some grocery store cookies, hope y'all are okay." It was weird that for my friend it was all or nothing -- either we needed a two week meal train organized so that 10 families, half of whom we don't even know well, could organize and prepare all our meals. OR we were fine and needed nothing. But the truth was in between. A little something would have been nice, we didn't need a whole production.

I think that's usually the case.

If you told her you didn't need it, what was she supposed to think?

Why is it all or nothing?

I think most new parents appreciate small and thoughtful gifts of food from close friends or family. I remember a neighbor dropped off a small casserole the day we came home from the hospital after an extra long stay post birth and I was sooooo grateful and thrilled. We just would have ordered pizza otherwise, but it felt good to not even have to bother and it also made me feel good to have been remembered in that way.

But I would have turned down a two week meal train because it's not like we were unable to feed ourselves. I would not have wanted anything that coordinated and I wouldn't want anyone to feel compelled to participate. We had family coming in a few days and we had some frozen stuff in the freezer, and after a couple days to acclimate my DH could cook even as I was still recovering and busy nursing. But having a few friends drop things off helped us feel loved and supported.

Because you told her that you didn't want food. When you did that, you could have said, "Well, maybe one or two meals." But you didn't. You told her that it was unwanted and she tried to respect your wishes. People are criticized for bringing things without them being wanted and now you want her to be a mind reader. Examine your own ability to advocate for yourself and your expectations for your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I hate meal trains. They get organized for situations that don't merit it, and people often participate simply out of obligation rather than because it's really necessary.

When I had a baby, a friend offered to organize a meal train and I said no because I really did not want a bunch of acquaintances making dinner for us. We didn't need that. But it's funny because I actually would have appreciated if some of our close friends had dropped of food. Not even meals, even just like "here are some grocery store cookies, hope y'all are okay." It was weird that for my friend it was all or nothing -- either we needed a two week meal train organized so that 10 families, half of whom we don't even know well, could organize and prepare all our meals. OR we were fine and needed nothing. But the truth was in between. A little something would have been nice, we didn't need a whole production.

I think that's usually the case.

If you told her you didn't need it, what was she supposed to think?

Why is it all or nothing?

I think most new parents appreciate small and thoughtful gifts of food from close friends or family. I remember a neighbor dropped off a small casserole the day we came home from the hospital after an extra long stay post birth and I was sooooo grateful and thrilled. We just would have ordered pizza otherwise, but it felt good to not even have to bother and it also made me feel good to have been remembered in that way.

But I would have turned down a two week meal train because it's not like we were unable to feed ourselves. I would not have wanted anything that coordinated and I wouldn't want anyone to feel compelled to participate. We had family coming in a few days and we had some frozen stuff in the freezer, and after a couple days to acclimate my DH could cook even as I was still recovering and busy nursing. But having a few friends drop things off helped us feel loved and supported.

Because you told her that you didn't want food. When you did that, you could have said, "Well, maybe one or two meals." But you didn't. You told her that it was unwanted and she tried to respect your wishes. People are criticized for bringing things without them being wanted and now you want her to be a mind reader. Examine your own ability to advocate for yourself and your expectations for your friends.

What? First of all, people who are struggling to get sleep and having a hard time should not have to do all the heavy lifting here. The point is that maybe next time someone you know has a baby, say "Hey, how are you guys on food? Need any help there?" and then LISTEN to their response and provide help as appropriate to the situation. Instead of just instantly offering to put together an elaborate meal train and if they say "oh, no -- that's too much, we don't need that much help" getting mad and withdrawing any help or support at all.

Like stop being hostile to the people you are trying to "help". One of my pet peeves is people who use charity as a weapon -- you're going to take what I have to give and like it!

Anyway, examine your expectations of people who are struggling and maybe work on your listening and communication skills instead of assuming that you know what everyone needs and that anyone gently turns down help that does not suit their needs must be the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was deeply pregnant I was offering to help other people that were deeply pregnant. I totally forgot that I couldn’t do all the things. Also they may have someone else in the household cooking for them and have that to share, another friend could be making it so they can contribute, or are ordering a meal.

it’s OK to be generous.

What is deeply pregnant? Is there a shallow pregnant?