When people receiving meals also sign up to give meals

[Anonymous]

I’m in a moms group, and there are always a few meal trains going for babies, sickness, death, etc.

I just brought a meal to someone who had baby, and then I checked another meal train to sign up and I saw this girls name on it to bring a meal.

I don’t know why it irks me. Like, if YOU are making meals and delivering them to people then yourself probably don’t need a meal?

[Anonymous]

This whole meal train thing is so weird to me. I grew up in a country where there was no such thing. If you're sick or need help, then your family, friends and neighbors offer some help, but it's not automatically food, it could be caring for children or grocery shopping or driving you to appointments. People have all kinds of food preferences, so I'm always leery of participating in a meal train. When I had my kids and when I was very sick, we just ate simple things, and that was fine.

[Anonymous]

This is why I hate meal trains. They get organized for situations that don't merit it, and people often participate simply out of obligation rather than because it's really necessary.

When I had a baby, a friend offered to organize a meal train and I said no because I really did not want a bunch of acquaintances making dinner for us. We didn't need that. But it's funny because I actually would have appreciated if some of our close friends had dropped of food. Not even meals, even just like "here are some grocery store cookies, hope y'all are okay." It was weird that for my friend it was all or nothing -- either we needed a two week meal train organized so that 10 families, half of whom we don't even know well, could organize and prepare all our meals. OR we were fine and needed nothing. But the truth was in between. A little something would have been nice, we didn't need a whole production.

I think that's usually the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I hate meal trains. They get organized for situations that don't merit it, and people often participate simply out of obligation rather than because it's really necessary.

When I had a baby, a friend offered to organize a meal train and I said no because I really did not want a bunch of acquaintances making dinner for us. We didn't need that. But it's funny because I actually would have appreciated if some of our close friends had dropped of food. Not even meals, even just like "here are some grocery store cookies, hope y'all are okay." It was weird that for my friend it was all or nothing -- either we needed a two week meal train organized so that 10 families, half of whom we don't even know well, could organize and prepare all our meals. OR we were fine and needed nothing. But the truth was in between. A little something would have been nice, we didn't need a whole production.

I think that's usually the case.

Well put. OP's new mother probably didn't need so much food made for her, and also felt obligated to give a meal of her own to someone else. Ridiculous vicious circle. Literally, make-work!

[Anonymous]

Good lord. So she made ONE MEAL. She probably received, what, a couple week’s worth of meals?? It’s way easier to make one meal than it is to make a new meal every day. She probably wanted to pay it forward and could reasonably handle one meal. Would you rather have someone who takes advantage and never reciprocates??

[Anonymous]

Maybe she isn't going to re-gift one of the meals she received. That's what I thought you were going to say.

[Anonymous]

^^ Maybe she is

[Anonymous]

Meal trains weren't a thing when I had kids, but I can't imagine eating food cooked by random people. I hear too many weird stories, like people who let their cats jump on kitchen counters or that co-worker who doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom. No thanks. I never eat at the office potluck.

[Anonymous]

We went through this with my wife's cancer when we had twins who were 1 year old and an older child who was 6 years old. I was so appreciative that people cared and helped us out for about 6 weeks.

Yes, we had way too much food and ended up with Tupperware we probably should have returned.

But it was a stressful time, and it did make my life easier. So Thank you to those who helped out. My recommendation would be to only offer 2 or 3x a week (not every night). Don't expect us to remember whose Tupperware we should return.

I hate to admit it, but the food we liked the best was often food delivery from a business, rather than home-cooked meals or freezer-burned casseroles.

And that's all I've got to Say about That!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I hate meal trains. They get organized for situations that don't merit it, and people often participate simply out of obligation rather than because it's really necessary.

When I had a baby, a friend offered to organize a meal train and I said no because I really did not want a bunch of acquaintances making dinner for us. We didn't need that. But it's funny because I actually would have appreciated if some of our close friends had dropped of food. Not even meals, even just like "here are some grocery store cookies, hope y'all are okay." It was weird that for my friend it was all or nothing -- either we needed a two week meal train organized so that 10 families, half of whom we don't even know well, could organize and prepare all our meals. OR we were fine and needed nothing. But the truth was in between. A little something would have been nice, we didn't need a whole production.

I think that's usually the case.

Well put. OP's new mother probably didn't need so much food made for her, and also felt obligated to give a meal of her own to someone else. Ridiculous vicious circle. Literally, make-work!

She probably ended up with 7 casseroles they didn’t want to eat and no room in the freezer so she passed one on to someone else.

[Anonymous]

I don't know anyone who has ever done a meal train. Is this a midwestern thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who has ever done a meal train. Is this a midwestern thing?

I have only ever been asked to participate in the in DC, and I'm from the midwest. Only once has it seemed merited -- friends with a newborn and a preschooler, and one had to have major surgery at Johns Hopkins. There was a meal train and also a childcare rotation, and we all pitched in. They also had family helping as well as some paid help, but it was a heavy lift.

The other times have not really made any sense. Once I was asked to contribute to a meal train for a coworker with a new baby and I was going to sign up, but then the instructions where literally "One parent is a vegetarian, one loves meat, please provide a meal that is half vegetarian and half meat-focused." Best of luck with that, I'm not a restaurant, here's a gift card for Uber Eats.

Another time it was actually for my closest friends, one of whom was in the hospital with a head injury. The meal train was organized by another friend and while I'm sure they meant well, I also knew it was not actually welcome. These friends are picky eaters and have ZERO interest in random casseroles. Also, their DC was actually staying with us at the time so that the spouse who was not injured could be at the hospital as much as possible, which was something the doctors suggested would be helpful for recovery. So people were sending casseroles to an empty house to go uneaten by my friend who was mostly just eating at the hospital or grabbing take out on the way home. She gave us a couple of the casseroles but the kids had zero interest and DH and I wound up just eating them for lunch over a few days. Probably not what the people had in mind.

I think people just feel this need to do something and this sounds old fashioned and helpful, but the PP is right -- most of the time a gift card for a delivery service (or nothing at all!) is probably a better bet.

[Anonymous]

I will never do one because my friend's family all got ill from one of the meals they received. I can't remember what it's called but it was likely from the chicken.

Another friend had a freezer full of food she was offering to anyone because her kids had food allergies and even though one or 2 people listed ingredients, one of her kids had such severe allergies she could not risk cross contamination.

I will offer to order take out for them or do something else. I have been guilt tripped by other mothers because I don't sign up. It's so tacky. My experience is my close friends admit they would much rather just have me get them exactly what they want from their favorite restaurant with a good kid's menu too.

[Anonymous]

When I was deeply pregnant I was offering to help other people that were deeply pregnant. I totally forgot that I couldn’t do all the things. Also they may have someone else in the household cooking for them and have that to share, another friend could be making it so they can contribute, or are ordering a meal.

it’s OK to be generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who has ever done a meal train. Is this a midwestern thing?

Nope. I’ve participated in many here. It’s a kindness thing.

(Locally born and raised.)