When people receiving meals also sign up to give meals

[Anonymous]

I will bring some sub sandwiches over. I saw one where the mom was going to be in the hospital and they had a bunch of demands (we eat clean, organic meat and vegetables only, absolutely no grains of any kind) that to me were unbelievable! Plus you're telling me the dad can't grill up the meat and vegetables?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I hate meal trains. They get organized for situations that don't merit it, and people often participate simply out of obligation rather than because it's really necessary.

When I had a baby, a friend offered to organize a meal train and I said no because I really did not want a bunch of acquaintances making dinner for us. We didn't need that. But it's funny because I actually would have appreciated if some of our close friends had dropped of food. Not even meals, even just like "here are some grocery store cookies, hope y'all are okay." It was weird that for my friend it was all or nothing -- either we needed a two week meal train organized so that 10 families, half of whom we don't even know well, could organize and prepare all our meals. OR we were fine and needed nothing. But the truth was in between. A little something would have been nice, we didn't need a whole production.

I think that's usually the case.

If you told her you didn't need it, what was she supposed to think?

[Anonymous]

I was on bed rest for four months and had a toddler. I got meals from my church members a few times a week and was SO grateful. It was difficult for my DH to do everything. I can't believe how picky and ungrateful many of you are. We ate the food and were grateful for the time and effort expended by our friends and acquaintances. And no, a bunch of gift cards would not have been better. Who wants to eat take-out everyday for weeks or months?

[Anonymous]

I think it starts to become too much for a while. There are days when you don't want to interact with someone else, so having to answer the door with a smile to receive another meal can be draining.

I think in these days, with food delivery and hot bars at grocery stores, a lot of people in situations can fend for themselves better than 20 years ago when the options were more limited.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps she received the meal early on in a time of need and wanted to reciprocate later when she had additional help. Meal-trains are fab but yes label your Tupperware

[Anonymous]

I typically go to Trader Joe’s and stock up on easy filling meals, salads, and fresh fruit and snacks enough for the family for 2-3 days. I’m not the best cook but feel guilted into bringing something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I hate meal trains. They get organized for situations that don't merit it, and people often participate simply out of obligation rather than because it's really necessary.

When I had a baby, a friend offered to organize a meal train and I said no because I really did not want a bunch of acquaintances making dinner for us. We didn't need that. But it's funny because I actually would have appreciated if some of our close friends had dropped of food. Not even meals, even just like "here are some grocery store cookies, hope y'all are okay." It was weird that for my friend it was all or nothing -- either we needed a two week meal train organized so that 10 families, half of whom we don't even know well, could organize and prepare all our meals. OR we were fine and needed nothing. But the truth was in between. A little something would have been nice, we didn't need a whole production.

I think that's usually the case.

If you told her you didn't need it, what was she supposed to think?

Why is it all or nothing?

I think most new parents appreciate small and thoughtful gifts of food from close friends or family. I remember a neighbor dropped off a small casserole the day we came home from the hospital after an extra long stay post birth and I was sooooo grateful and thrilled. We just would have ordered pizza otherwise, but it felt good to not even have to bother and it also made me feel good to have been remembered in that way.

But I would have turned down a two week meal train because it's not like we were unable to feed ourselves. I would not have wanted anything that coordinated and I wouldn't want anyone to feel compelled to participate. We had family coming in a few days and we had some frozen stuff in the freezer, and after a couple days to acclimate my DH could cook even as I was still recovering and busy nursing. But having a few friends drop things off helped us feel loved and supported.

[Anonymous]

When you say "no" to an offer but want something less, why not clarify that?

[Anonymous]

I appreciated this after I had my twins. Also in my Jewish neighborhood you can hear that meal train whistle blowin’ for just about anything.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was on bed rest for four months and had a toddler. I got meals from my church members a few times a week and was SO grateful. It was difficult for my DH to do everything. I can't believe how picky and ungrateful many of you are. We ate the food and were grateful for the time and effort expended by our friends and acquaintances. And no, a bunch of gift cards would not have been better. Who wants to eat take-out everyday for weeks or months?

This is so weird to me. You were on bed rest, not ill or hospitaized. Your DH couldn't manage one child while making a quick meal? For four minths?

[Anonymous]

Is it so hard for you to imagine that not everyone has it all together like you? That some people are barely hanging in there due to grief or illness or a new baby? And that the kindness of a meal, can truly help them?

For just a moment have some empathy, and think of others instead of yourself.

Such an odd thing to gripe about. If you don't like them, don't sign up to make someone a meal and don't have someone set one up for you. For so many it can make such a difference.

-someone who has made many, many meals for others, as well as taken out the trash for a family with a young child in the hospital with cancer, driven siblings to activities when their parent was dealing with an ill parent of their own, and so much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who has ever done a meal train. Is this a midwestern thing?

Nope. I’ve participated in many here. It’s a kindness thing.

(Locally born and raised.)

I never heard it called that until I moved to this area from Ohio. Growing up, it was not called a meal train and there was no online sign up. It was organized by other women in your Junior League, church group, garden club, neighborhood, etc. One woman would call friends and coordinate 2-4 meals.
I’ve done it in DC for a neighbor I never met because one of her 3 young kids was in chemo a few times a week - for months - multiple times over years.

[Anonymous]

I always have trouble thinking of healthy, delicious, freezable, re-heatable meals for these things. I sign up for and make a “grab and go” basket with 2 types of homemade muffins, “breakfast cookies” - basically soft granola bars, no bake energy balls, and some fruit.
If I know they have space and like them, I’ll make my version of Starbucks egg bites or fixings for yogurt parfaits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you say "no" to an offer but want something less, why not clarify that?

Sure, that’s fine, but it’s also weird to assume people either need 14 meals prepared by strangers OR they need nothing.

I don’t know, when a friend has a baby or is sick, my first instinct is “here let me drop of this dish I know you like” not “let me coordinate an elaborate online schedule of meals prepared by me, a few people you met once at a barbecue at my house, and five total strangers from my church.” It’s overkill.

I get it if someone is dealing with cancer or is on bed rest as other PPs have said. But I think it’s overkill for someone with a new baby who is otherwise in good health and might have some family help.