MIL mad that we changed the door code without telling her

[Anonymous]

You’re overreacting 100% Don’t make this an issue you will regret it and it will effect your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would be happy to let my MIL or parents use my house in my absence so they could relax a bit and use the bathroom -
at their age, they need to go more frequently!

All I can assume is that your relationship is fraught already, since your MIL has been letting herself in without telling you. Why would she do that? If you don't trust her, you can't let her in, but merely going by your first post, it seems as though you're over-reacting, and not letting a frail old lady have a well-earned rest.

+1

[Anonymous]

Wow no way I'd ever give her the code again.

[Anonymous]

I would be mad at you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you are overreacting. I wouldn't have any issues having inlaws pop in to rest when we aren't there.

+1. I would have told her that I wish she had told me she was doing this, but I wouldn't lose my mind over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be mad at you too.

As any boundary-violating nutcase would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would be happy to let my MIL or parents use my house in my absence so they could relax a bit and use the bathroom -
at their age, they need to go more frequently!

All I can assume is that your relationship is fraught already, since your MIL has been letting herself in without telling you. Why would she do that? If you don't trust her, you can't let her in, but merely going by your first post, it seems as though you're over-reacting, and not letting a frail old lady have a well-earned rest.

OP here. We did up until now have a good relationship and we help her out a lot, and have always appreciated when we fed our cat and brought in packages while we were on vacation. In fact, we once asked her to stop by to feed the cat for two days, and she said would it be OK if I just spent the weekend there so I won’t have to drive and we said of course! We help her out a lot but have never entered her home without her knowledge. We even hosted a friend of hers who lives pretty close to us who had water damage in our basement. We had never even met the friend but were happy to help out a friend of MIL’s.

Had she asked us first or even told us after the fact, of course we would have been fine with her taking a break at our house. As to your “why would she do that” question…well, exactly!

You can kiss that relationship goodbye.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a horrible daughter in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be annoyed by the boundary violation but I don’t think the answer is to punish her by not giving her the new code. Tell her just give you a heads up if she needs to use the restroom, etc, and get a camera doorbell so you’ll know when she does.

+1

[Anonymous]

NP.

Why are people protesting that MIL should be able to do this, when it's not the *doing* of it that's the problem, but the doing of it *secretively* plus getting mad when the secretive part was unintentionally taken away from her?

Are people deliberately misreading the situation to feign outrage, or are people just misreading? Or do people have no sense of logic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a horrible daughter in law

You sound like someone who trespasses in other people’s homes without telling them

[Anonymous]

You’re definitely not overreacting, that is bonkers bananas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re overreacting 100% Don’t make this an issue you will regret it and it will effect your relationship.

MIL is the one making it an issue by (1) trespassing in the house and (2) pitching a fit when questioned about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re definitely not overreacting, that is bonkers bananas.

.

That said if you just think she’s a looney and you want to keep the peace, give her a new code (you can program more than one) and get a ring camera. You should also be able to see which code is used when. If you see her on the ring, immediately call to ask what’s wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a horrible daughter in law

You sound like an idiot. Since when is the parent of adult children entitled to free, unfettered access into their children’s home?