What sacrifices have you made as a parent that you never imagined?

[Anonymous]

The loneliness of having a kid with serious mental health issues. As one of my friends has said, it’s not a casserole condition. You don’t get meal trains. People start to avoid you because your life is always in crisis. You learn that people who say “call me if you need anything” don’t mean it and it hurts because you were there for them. Not that I was looking for anything g but I would have liked not to have been dropped.

Everything else was expected. The loss of sleep. The career hit. The body changes - which get worse with menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, my mental health. I had virtually no anxiety pre-kids. Now I have 2 daughters and I have to worry about predators, mass shootings, rape….I never thought I’d be an anxious parent but my kids are very rarely out of my sight and they are required to take martial arts classes so they can defend themselves.

Also I have always been very feminist and believe no one deserves to be assaulted no matter what they wear or how they behave. But I am making damn sure my girls keep covered to not attract attention, that they behave in ways that keep predators at bay, and that they do not touch alcohol, drugs, or go to parties.

Which also means I lead by example, so I’ve given up all alcohol and late nights with friends, and I always dress extremely modestly.

Now with the latest school shooting, I am considering home schooling, which also means my career will take a huge hit. I own my own business and work from home, but I would have to scale back by 50% and work on weekends when dad is home.

You sound like you’re ruining your children.

We’ll, that’s too harsh, but I hope you’re seeing someone? Zoloft is a gift from God.

[Anonymous]

Umm sleep, time, career are pretty standard things that give when you have kids.

[Anonymous]

All kinds of things. My mental health. I have joint pain I never had before. It's not going away. Kids are two and six. I gave up gluten because it helps with the joint pain in my knees. I work at a private school for the free tuition for my kids. The pay is meager. Time is the biggest one.

[Anonymous]

My career. I always thought I’d be a working mom but that just didn’t work out thanks to a bunch of illnesses. But maybe it’s for the best. Now I have seen so many women who have full time jobs but also do anything with the home and kids, so I can tell my daughter that giving up a career might not be a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids in late 30s, I never expected how hard it would be around 60 and how it impacts retirement plans.

Can you elaborate? If you had your first kid at 38 and second at 42, they would be 27 and 23 when you’re 65. What’s hard about that? I’m not being sarcastic.

Not every 23 year old is fully launched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The loneliness of having a kid with serious mental health issues. As one of my friends has said, it’s not a casserole condition. You don’t get meal trains. People start to avoid you because your life is always in crisis. You learn that people who say “call me if you need anything” don’t mean it and it hurts because you were there for them. Not that I was looking for anything g but I would have liked not to have been dropped.

Everything else was expected. The loss of sleep. The career hit. The body changes - which get worse with menopause.

Yup. And the need to handle the constant barrage of being judged, knowing people are thinking behind your back “if only they were properly disciplined..” and having to do every single thing schools, communities ask in spades to keep from being shunned, even when it has no effect. The total powerlessness you feel because it really is an illness, and not a particularly treatable one either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids in late 30s, I never expected how hard it would be around 60 and how it impacts retirement plans.

Can you elaborate? If you had your first kid at 38 and second at 42, they would be 27 and 23 when you’re 65. What’s hard about that? I’m not being sarcastic.

The pp said 60 and not 65. So, 18 and 21. Still have college to pay for at least one. You start seeing friends with older children retiring and you find paying for retirement during college (which costs a bit more than what friends paid) is not in your plan. You have to figure out where your retirement will be 10 years before they will be settled. You are still in family trip mode and friends are out and about on couple vacations. Not every child is independent by even 23.

[Anonymous]

I found that giving up my career for being with my kids was not a hardship. Being a mom was not a hardship at all. I have loved being with my children immensely and I was still able to do all the things I loved to do with them.

However, I will say that the initial sleep deprivation was hard and the initial recovering from the childbirth was also not fun. Other than that? Everything was joyous - taking care of them, breastfeeding them, taking them to school and teaching them, snuggling with them, even the whole K-12 experience and the college admission process was interesting and I fully enjoyed myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feeling trapped in a marriage that’s not going well. I’m jealous of people who have amicable co-parenting relationships. Mine would not be like that. We are barely still amicable when we are having regular sex. I can’t imagine what it would be like if we divorced.

i could not have sex with a spouse i dont like and get along with.

[Anonymous]

My looks. I’ve aged faster since having kids. Im still cute, just look much older since becoming a mom. Stress anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Health - physical and mental. I'm doing what I can - exercise, seeing a therapist for anxiety, seeing specialists for health issues, ongoing dental work, changed diet, made changes to environment. It's still a daily struggle and kid starts Kindergarten in the fall.

[Anonymous]

Sleep and energy to eat well. But I love my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, my mental health. I had virtually no anxiety pre-kids. Now I have 2 daughters and I have to worry about predators, mass shootings, rape….I never thought I’d be an anxious parent but my kids are very rarely out of my sight and they are required to take martial arts classes so they can defend themselves.

Also I have always been very feminist and believe no one deserves to be assaulted no matter what they wear or how they behave. But I am making damn sure my girls keep covered to not attract attention, that they behave in ways that keep predators at bay, and that they do not touch alcohol, drugs, or go to parties.

Which also means I lead by example, so I’ve given up all alcohol and late nights with friends, and I always dress extremely modestly.

Now with the latest school shooting, I am considering home schooling, which also means my career will take a huge hit. I own my own business and work from home, but I would have to scale back by 50% and work on weekends when dad is home.

You sound like you’re ruining your children.

We’ll, that’s too harsh, but I hope you’re seeing someone? Zoloft is a gift from God.

I’m not ruining my kids. It’s not like I nag about these things all day long. They have martial arts class 2/3 times a week. We talk about how to say no to people and that females shouldn’t feel obliged to talk to men that approach them. Certain clothes are not allowed. We talk openly about experiences - how I and other women they know were assaulted at parties or while drinking. We talk about healthy relationships.

Almost every women I know (myself included) has been a victim of violence or assault and I’ll do everything I can to prevent that from happening to my girls. And with school shootings happening more and more frequently - and our country’s refusal to do anything about it - it’s no longer crazy to be concerned your child will be shot. Guns are now the #1 cause of death in children.

[Anonymous]

huge financial ones. lesser career ones.