What sacrifices have you made as a parent that you never imagined?

[Anonymous]

Having kids in late 30s, I never expected how hard it would be around 60 and how it impacts retirement plans.

[Anonymous]

That I’d move back in with my parents for a year because of the pandemic so my kids could go to real school all while my spouse stayed here due to working in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having kids in late 30s, I never expected how hard it would be around 60 and how it impacts retirement plans.

Can you elaborate? If you had your first kid at 38 and second at 42, they would be 27 and 23 when you’re 65. What’s hard about that? I’m not being sarcastic.

[Anonymous]

I had to take over caregiving for a special needs child. It is very lonely.

[Anonymous]

Having to leave my kid behind when getting out of a relationship. Parental alienation should be a crime.

[Anonymous]

My youth. I married and had my kids young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time.

Time in the morning getting ready for work.

Time to make dinner.

Time on the weekends to relax.

I could name a hundred of these

+1, time to work, time to take care of anything outside of work. Time to exercise

[Anonymous]

Feeling trapped in a marriage that’s not going well. I’m jealous of people who have amicable co-parenting relationships. Mine would not be like that. We are barely still amicable when we are having regular sex. I can’t imagine what it would be like if we divorced.

[Anonymous]

The sound of silence.

[Anonymous]

Career, then the marriage. So much bitterness on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Quit at the height of my career because I wanted to be with my kids. Big pay cut, drastic lifestyle change. Learning to live a new life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never imagined my stomach would forever look like a melted candle. Thought I’d snap back.

+1 I was not a fitness model before kids but I would not have believed how bad my stomach looks now OR how much it bothers me. My stomach is gross from huge babies and an emergency c-section. I have lost some of the weight but it’s been harder than I could believe due to lack of sleep and it really affects my interest in sex although my DH has never said anything negative. I had no idea how common some level of this feeling was….

But also the anxiety. I was anxious before kids but it’s a whole other level now. Hard to ever feel calm for real

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids in late 30s, I never expected how hard it would be around 60 and how it impacts retirement plans.

Can you elaborate? If you had your first kid at 38 and second at 42, they would be 27 and 23 when you’re 65. What’s hard about that? I’m not being sarcastic.

+1, curious about how this plays out exactly. I had my one and only at 37 and even though it was later than I wanted/expected, we talked about how she would be out of college before I turned 60, which feels feasible. I knew lots of parents who were in their 50s when I was in high school. It doesn't seem that bad?

Maybe I'm being unrealistic. I fantasize about getting to travel with my DD when she's an adult some, maybe DH and I moving abroad. This doesn't seem out of reach?

[Anonymous]

I’m a dad. My career suffered when I became a parent - more than I expected. Then there’s the tens of thousands over the past year with my kid in residential treatment over the holidays (no visiting, no zoom, no phone calls).
Oh well, I never really wanted to retire anyway. My health isn’t so good either, so that retirement idea may be moot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, my mental health. I had virtually no anxiety pre-kids. Now I have 2 daughters and I have to worry about predators, mass shootings, rape….I never thought I’d be an anxious parent but my kids are very rarely out of my sight and they are required to take martial arts classes so they can defend themselves.

Also I have always been very feminist and believe no one deserves to be assaulted no matter what they wear or how they behave. But I am making damn sure my girls keep covered to not attract attention, that they behave in ways that keep predators at bay, and that they do not touch alcohol, drugs, or go to parties.

Which also means I lead by example, so I’ve given up all alcohol and late nights with friends, and I always dress extremely modestly.

Now with the latest school shooting, I am considering home schooling, which also means my career will take a huge hit. I own my own business and work from home, but I would have to scale back by 50% and work on weekends when dad is home.

You sound like you’re ruining your children.