What sacrifices have you made as a parent that you never imagined?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My individual identity.

It's not just because I'm a parent, but because of all the trappings of the decisions that surround that.

Individually they were expected, but in total, the impact is much greater than I though.

I've really sacrificed the things that make me, me, so that my kids have a certain quality of life.

Trying to claw my way back now that they are older elementary.

+1 I’ve given up my passion for mine. Hopefully after they are in grade school I will get it back. I dont have money for a nanny to focus on myself.

[Anonymous]

I didn't realize the fortune it takes to raise a child in America.

The private school tuition, saving for college and extra curricular activities, overpaying for healthy food.

My counterparts in Europe get all of this practically for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't realize the fortune it takes to raise a child in America.

The private school tuition, saving for college and extra curricular activities, overpaying for healthy food.

My counterparts in Europe get all of this practically for free.

We probably have spent around $1 million.

[Anonymous]

Writing. Even if I have the time to do it, I don’t have the mental space or the uninterrupted time to write something good. Hats off to those parents who can!

Luckily I’ve found other creative outlets that don’t require extended chunks of interrupted time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't realize the fortune it takes to raise a child in America.

The private school tuition, saving for college and extra curricular activities, overpaying for healthy food.

My counterparts in Europe get all of this practically for free.

It's against DCUM dogma, but: You don't have to do private school, college that isn't an in-state public, or expensive extracurriculars.

Now, childcare on the other hand...that's an incredible cost and the Europeans really do have it figured out better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, my mental health. I had virtually no anxiety pre-kids. Now I have 2 daughters and I have to worry about predators, mass shootings, rape….I never thought I’d be an anxious parent but my kids are very rarely out of my sight and they are required to take martial arts classes so they can defend themselves.

Also I have always been very feminist and believe no one deserves to be assaulted no matter what they wear or how they behave. But I am making damn sure my girls keep covered to not attract attention, that they behave in ways that keep predators at bay, and that they do not touch alcohol, drugs, or go to parties.

Which also means I lead by example, so I’ve given up all alcohol and late nights with friends, and I always dress extremely modestly.

Now with the latest school shooting, I am considering home schooling, which also means my career will take a huge hit. I own my own business and work from home, but I would have to scale back by 50% and work on weekends when dad is home.

Ummmmm. You realize some of this is going to backfire spectacularly (kids will rebel with clothing drinking etc).

Why do Americans always think children are bound to rebel dramatically?

Like yeah maybe her daughter will wear a tube top in College but so what?

American children rebel because of this Puritan attitude. Go to Europe. Teenage girls there are drinking, wearing inappropriate things, and having their boyfriends over for the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, my mental health. I had virtually no anxiety pre-kids. Now I have 2 daughters and I have to worry about predators, mass shootings, rape….I never thought I’d be an anxious parent but my kids are very rarely out of my sight and they are required to take martial arts classes so they can defend themselves.

Also I have always been very feminist and believe no one deserves to be assaulted no matter what they wear or how they behave. But I am making damn sure my girls keep covered to not attract attention, that they behave in ways that keep predators at bay, and that they do not touch alcohol, drugs, or go to parties.

Which also means I lead by example, so I’ve given up all alcohol and late nights with friends, and I always dress extremely modestly.

Now with the latest school shooting, I am considering home schooling, which also means my career will take a huge hit. I own my own business and work from home, but I would have to scale back by 50% and work on weekends when dad is home.

You sound like you’re ruining your children.

We’ll, that’s too harsh, but I hope you’re seeing someone? Zoloft is a gift from God.

I’m not ruining my kids. It’s not like I nag about these things all day long. They have martial arts class 2/3 times a week. We talk about how to say no to people and that females shouldn’t feel obliged to talk to men that approach them. Certain clothes are not allowed. We talk openly about experiences - how I and other women they know were assaulted at parties or while drinking. We talk about healthy relationships.

Almost every women I know (myself included) has been a victim of violence or assault and I’ll do everything I can to prevent that from happening to my girls. And with school shootings happening more and more frequently - and our country’s refusal to do anything about it - it’s no longer crazy to be concerned your child will be shot. Guns are now the #1 cause of death in children.

I am saying this with a lot of care - reading your posts makes me feel that you are not well. This is not healthy anxiety, and I guarantee it's not serving your daughters well. Being available if/when they want to talk about healthy relationships is great (same with drinking, etc), but talking "openly" about your friends being assaulted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, my mental health. I had virtually no anxiety pre-kids. Now I have 2 daughters and I have to worry about predators, mass shootings, rape….I never thought I’d be an anxious parent but my kids are very rarely out of my sight and they are required to take martial arts classes so they can defend themselves.

Also I have always been very feminist and believe no one deserves to be assaulted no matter what they wear or how they behave. But I am making damn sure my girls keep covered to not attract attention, that they behave in ways that keep predators at bay, and that they do not touch alcohol, drugs, or go to parties.

Which also means I lead by example, so I’ve given up all alcohol and late nights with friends, and I always dress extremely modestly.

Now with the latest school shooting, I am considering home schooling, which also means my career will take a huge hit. I own my own business and work from home, but I would have to scale back by 50% and work on weekends when dad is home.

Ummmmm. You realize some of this is going to backfire spectacularly (kids will rebel with clothing drinking etc).

Why do Americans always think children are bound to rebel dramatically?

Like yeah maybe her daughter will wear a tube top in College but so what?

American children rebel because of this Puritan attitude. Go to Europe. Teenage girls there are drinking, wearing inappropriate things, and having their boyfriends over for the night.

American children rebel because we expect them to rebel. They don't rebel in Europe, but also don't rebel in very closed-off conservative cultures either.

[Anonymous]

Relaxation. I (naively) didn’t really how constant and all-consuming parenting is. I miss Sundays on the couch watching movies.

[Anonymous]

Less sex with my partner. We used to have sex every day. I figured it would be that way for a very long time. Since kids it has been about 2x per week.

[Anonymous]

Sleep. I knew I would get interrupted sleep but I didn’t realize how relentless the night wake ups could get when I never ever have the option to sleep in. And relatedly, an attention span long than like 5 seconds because I’m constantly sleep deprived and trying to multitask.

[Anonymous]

staying with DH way longer that I wanted to so that the kids would have their father a regular part of their lives (he's not from the US and immediately told me he'd go back to his country the one time that I told him I wanted to separate, but I took it back since I didn't want to deprive my kids of their dad). Also pregnancy was really terrible (hyperemesis) and I had so many complications giving birth both times.