Still in love with AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting over people is difficult but try not to wreck a bunch of lives. It’s OK to carry heartache around, think of it as your punishment for the infidelity.

Punishment? Why? That’s a weird way to think of it.

[Anonymous]

No one can solve this for you. I couldn't live with the guilt of betraying the same person who is the father of my children TWICE.

Some lovers are not destined to make it together. There are so many books, movies and songs on this topic that you shouldn't feel alone.

[Anonymous]

Where is OP?

Look, some people can’t handle being present and dealing with the real world. Real world meaning having to suck it up and do the dishes, work, pay the mortgage, deal with angsty kids and in-laws, deal with difficult neighbors, handle disappointments, health issues, feelings of failure and inadequacy, and fear of getting old, unattractive and impotent. An AP allows you to escape all that and be someone else for a while. But it is like going to the movies. It’s a cosplay that is not real. You are wasting your time languishing in front of the Harry Potter Mirror of Erised when you should be living your actual life - with your actual husband.

[Anonymous]

And this is why you don’t start an affair. In addition to effing up your spouse, marriage and family, it will suck the joy out of your own life when you end it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And this is why you don’t start an affair. In addition to effing up your spouse, marriage and family, it will suck the joy out of your own life when you end it.

Agree, and for those of us with a conscience, even if the DH and family didn’t know, it would suck the joy out of us knowing we behaved like a POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is OP?

Look, some people can’t handle being present and dealing with the real world. Real world meaning having to suck it up and do the dishes, work, pay the mortgage, deal with angsty kids and in-laws, deal with difficult neighbors, handle disappointments, health issues, feelings of failure and inadequacy, and fear of getting old, unattractive and impotent. An AP allows you to escape all that and be someone else for a while. But it is like going to the movies. It’s a cosplay that is not real. You are wasting your time languishing in front of the Harry Potter Mirror of Erised when you should be living your actual life - with your actual husband.

Does your spouse want to have sex with you?

[Anonymous]

Show up at his house? That would be spectacularly awful for everyone involved. Be a better person.

[Anonymous]

The assumptions and just ignorant responses here are so wild. Who said that AP had and affair on his wife and child? You're just making stuff up!! We don't even know if OP is male or female!!

So many projections here. The truth is, you can love two people at once. It happens get over it. People compartmentalize all day, every day.

Two, I can name three exes that I know without a doubt that still love me and I was in a relationships with them over 20 years ago. When you have an intimate relationship with someone and you know what you know about them, it's not hard to imagine that they still love you. Sorry if you've never experienced that in your life.

But mostly, OP, don't go to AP's house unless you're ready to blow up your marriage. It will only cause a disaster. If you no longer want to be married, then divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know they are with me too. We broke things off 3 years ago and I am just realizing that I’ve been physically ill from that loss the entire time. I love my spouse and our relationship is better than ever. There are kids involved on both sides. Affair was several years long, we broke things off so I could see if I could repair my marriage and keep my family together. So I did do those things but I am completely and utterly broken. And I’m feeling very driven to show up at AP’s house, which I know is a terrible idea. If I’m still like this after 3 years, is it worth it?

No, you don't. If the bolded were true you wouldn't still be pining for someone who doesn't want you.

Did you go to therapy to see why you think it's fine to cheat?

Everyone would be in thearapy. Your husband may be cheating on you, as everyone is usually in the dark about it until caught. Lots of cheaters out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The assumptions and just ignorant responses here are so wild. Who said that AP had and affair on his wife and child? You're just making stuff up!! We don't even know if OP is male or female!!

So many projections here. The truth is, you can love two people at once. It happens get over it. People compartmentalize all day, every day.

Two, I can name three exes that I know without a doubt that still love me and I was in a relationships with them over 20 years ago. When you have an intimate relationship with someone and you know what you know about them, it's not hard to imagine that they still love you. Sorry if you've never experienced that in your life.

But mostly, OP, don't go to AP's house unless you're ready to blow up your marriage. It will only cause a disaster. If you no longer want to be married, then divorce.

Wow, a sane response! I'm shocked. -NP

[Anonymous]

Laughingstock. This guy probably my doesn’t even remember you.

[Anonymous]

But as someone who left my marriage to be with my AP after a 6-year affair, I will say it is possible to love a spouse but more as family rather than a lover. You can have a very good, calm, happy, but platonic relationship, which in a lot of ways can seem healthy and loving -- but you will always yearn for that romantic component. I think that's human nature. Those of you with husbands who actually desire you take that for granted while patting yourselves on the back for your high morals (and some of you probably deny your husbands the desire they'd like to feel). If OP and her AP are still in love, I think they should divorce and plan a life together.

This is vomit-inducing. Of course your feelings for your spouse changed when you were investing emotionally and physically in someone else for six years. You can try to rationalize your shi!ty decisions but no else buys it.

[Anonymous]

Just imagine him having sex with his wife. Legs over her head, doggy style snd the two of them falling asleep cradled in each other’s arms while he tells her how much he loves her and she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, stroking her cheek gently..

Imagine them at dinner earlier tonight, dressed to the nines, both turning heads as they walked in, feeding each other bites of their Michelin star plates. They look like movie stars together. You were so far below his level.

He gets up the next morning make her a latte and brings it to her in bed as he crawls back under the covers and puts his mouth between her legs.

Yeah you were a midlife bang that he hates himself for, almost losing everything he truly cared about. She never betrayed him and is too classy to ever be somebody’s side piece, a dirty nasty liar he could never trust. He has too much respect for her and never felt he was good enough.

You are delusional and aren’t close to the woman she is. You don’t know his mother’s name, his first love or what he is truly afraid of. Do you know the name of his best friend and how he died at 29? His deepest fears? The name of his childhood pet or the failure he felt when he couldn’t help his dad get off the bottle?

He didn’t confess any truths to you. You were somebody he needed to escape himself when he felt like sh@t and thought he wasn’t worthy. Thankfully he woke up, ended it and is making up for it every single day.

You are still delusional, living a lie and insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just imagine him having sex with his wife. Legs over her head, doggy style snd the two of them falling asleep cradled in each other’s arms while he tells her how much he loves her and she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, stroking her cheek gently..

Imagine them at dinner earlier tonight, dressed to the nines, both turning heads as they walked in, feeding each other bites of their Michelin star plates. They look like movie stars together. You were so far below his level.

He gets up the next morning make her a latte and brings it to her in bed as he crawls back under the covers and puts his mouth between her legs.

Yeah you were a midlife bang that he hates himself for, almost losing everything he truly cared about. She never betrayed him and is too classy to ever be somebody’s side piece, a dirty nasty liar he could never trust. He has too much respect for her and never felt he was good enough.

You are delusional and aren’t close to the woman she is. You don’t know his mother’s name, his first love or what he is truly afraid of. Do you know the name of his best friend and how he died at 29? His deepest fears? The name of his childhood pet or the failure he felt when he couldn’t help his dad get off the bottle?

He didn’t confess any truths to you. You were somebody he needed to escape himself when he felt like sh@t and thought he wasn’t worthy. Thankfully he woke up, ended it and is making up for it every single day.

You are still delusional, living a lie and insecure.

Um… you are weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But as someone who left my marriage to be with my AP after a 6-year affair, I will say it is possible to love a spouse but more as family rather than a lover. You can have a very good, calm, happy, but platonic relationship, which in a lot of ways can seem healthy and loving -- but you will always yearn for that romantic component. I think that's human nature. Those of you with husbands who actually desire you take that for granted while patting yourselves on the back for your high morals (and some of you probably deny your husbands the desire they'd like to feel). If OP and her AP are still in love, I think they should divorce and plan a life together.

This is vomit-inducing. Of course your feelings for your spouse changed when you were investing emotionally and physically in someone else for six years. You can try to rationalize your shi!ty decisions but no else buys it.

actually, your reply is pathetic, while her confession was heart warming; who are you to tell someone else how to live their life? why do you even think it is your right to judge and intervene in their family matters? just mind your business.

yes, there are couples were one of them cheats with impunity and the other is not aware and is hurt but in most cases affairs happen because the relationship is broken