It is attainable for someone to look “understated wealthy” without actually wealthy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so tbh. You could hire a stylist to help with clothing though. The internal bit of being deeply, generationally wealthy - entirely financially secure - way down into you genes is not something you can acquire.

I agree with this. I think the reason people are obsessed with looking wealthy (on this board and just in general) is because we see rich people and want to feel like that -- truly secure in your well being, and the well bing of your kids if you have them. It's not exactly confidence (though it might also be that) -- there are poor people who are confident. It's that sense of security.

I saw a woman the other day who embodied that super understated rich person vibe. Her clothes were not showy at all -- a good quality raincoat from LL Bean or similar, nice straight cut jeans that were flattering and fit well and likely from a luxury brand, but no obvious branding or identifying marks. No socks, and good quality leather loafers -- they looked like they were from M.Gemi or similar but again, no obvious branding. She had long hair with a center part, it was healthy with a good cut but not styled. No makeup. Non-descript tote bag.

I could recreate her entire look tomorrow and it wouldn't even be unattainable for me financially. All in, it's probably less than 1k, including the haircut (excluding the jewelry, but again, it was so understated I don't even remember what it was -- probably a simple wedding band and some diamond studs). And I still wouldn't feel wealthy. I wouldn't even feel fashionable or pretty because there is nothing fashionable about this outfit. The reason this woman wore it well and it conveyed wealth is the WAY she wore it -- secure in the knowledge that she doesn't need to impress anyone with her clothes or style, that she can just wear good quality items that are comfortable and last, and it won't matter to her one way or the other if people like it or not.

That's it. Security. If you are trying to figure out how to "look wealthy" you are by definition insecure (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean that in a descriptive way -- most of us are insecure in some way, financially or emotionally, and it's often not really our fault) and can't achieve it.

Yes and no.

I know someone who was raised very middle class, but her mother went to great lengths to dress upper class in an understated way. That was largely influenced by their super wealthy relatives. As an adult, she married well. She dresses a certain way and carries herself as though she’s old money. She even appears better put together/more old money than her old money cousins (who are ooooooolllllldddd money with a family name many might recognize).

So, yes, you can dress a certain way and carry yourself with an elegance that will likely bring you confidence and respect.

Let's be clear about one thing. The USA is a new country. There is no Old Money here. If an American recognizes a name, that person cannot be Old Money. But I grant you that they're less New Money than people who accrued wealth with crypto

- European aristocrat.

Americans aren’t impressed by European standards.

Americans have old money families. Titans of industry. Businessmen. East Coast old money is thing. Southern money is different. Silicon tech new money isn’t the same thing.

East coast old money families send their kids to boarding school and sailing camp. Their kids go to ivies but don’t need a job. They are fresh faced and skew understated/basic preppy. They are the American ideal aesthetic, which is why we have a new thread every flipping week.

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.

You’re embarrassing us. Shhhh - fellow American

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Note, I do not mean “noveau riche” with a McMansion.

One or two small tastefully tattoos in discrete area
Tesla charging station in front yard
Subscription to ethical investing lying around your coffee table
Talk about Online Personal trainer to the stars
Leave basket of horse riding equipment visibly near front door
Bumper stickers on car related to horse riding in Montana and skiing in Aspen
Sing the praises of your house help who are like family To you. What would you do without them?

I agree with everything except the tatoos. Tatoos are just vulgar.

I think PP was joking

She was describing a type that lives next to me in Bethesda, so this sh1t is real. Half the people living on my street are like this. But not the tatoos - unless by "discrete area" we're talking about something no one can possibly see in public...

What I mean is, PP was mocking nouveau riche people…

[Anonymous]

Get a fake birkin. Then you will fit in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely know how to pull off frumpy New England Old Money. Any Episcopalian thrift store in a wealthy community will be able to get you started. I guess the bigger questions are too what end? And, will you feel good about yourself?

Hahaha. So true.

Go to the Cape for a week and hit up the Church thrift stores. Filled with everything you need. Natural fibers galore!

The real question is, why would you want to look like this?

- wealthy, generational wealth who doesn’t want to look like a frump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely know how to pull off frumpy New England Old Money. Any Episcopalian thrift store in a wealthy community will be able to get you started. I guess the bigger questions are too what end? And, will you feel good about yourself?

Hahaha. So true.

Go to the Cape for a week and hit up the Church thrift stores. Filled with everything you need. Natural fibers galore!

The real question is, why would you want to look like this?

- wealthy, generational wealth who doesn’t want to look like a frump.

+1. Some of it you wouldn't want to do.

But, other than that.

Stupid expensive watch that's not flashy and you have to know to know.
Stupid bag that doesn't look like it should be expensive but is for some weird reason and you have to know to know.

Basically, the accessories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so tbh. You could hire a stylist to help with clothing though. The internal bit of being deeply, generationally wealthy - entirely financially secure - way down into you genes is not something you can acquire.

I agree with this. I think the reason people are obsessed with looking wealthy (on this board and just in general) is because we see rich people and want to feel like that -- truly secure in your well being, and the well bing of your kids if you have them. It's not exactly confidence (though it might also be that) -- there are poor people who are confident. It's that sense of security.

I saw a woman the other day who embodied that super understated rich person vibe. Her clothes were not showy at all -- a good quality raincoat from LL Bean or similar, nice straight cut jeans that were flattering and fit well and likely from a luxury brand, but no obvious branding or identifying marks. No socks, and good quality leather loafers -- they looked like they were from M.Gemi or similar but again, no obvious branding. She had long hair with a center part, it was healthy with a good cut but not styled. No makeup. Non-descript tote bag.

I could recreate her entire look tomorrow and it wouldn't even be unattainable for me financially. All in, it's probably less than 1k, including the haircut (excluding the jewelry, but again, it was so understated I don't even remember what it was -- probably a simple wedding band and some diamond studs). And I still wouldn't feel wealthy. I wouldn't even feel fashionable or pretty because there is nothing fashionable about this outfit. The reason this woman wore it well and it conveyed wealth is the WAY she wore it -- secure in the knowledge that she doesn't need to impress anyone with her clothes or style, that she can just wear good quality items that are comfortable and last, and it won't matter to her one way or the other if people like it or not.

That's it. Security. If you are trying to figure out how to "look wealthy" you are by definition insecure (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean that in a descriptive way -- most of us are insecure in some way, financially or emotionally, and it's often not really our fault) and can't achieve it.

I think you may have just seen a regular person, PP

Nope. Rich AF. I know for other reasons (I know of her through an activity our kids are in together, though we've never met) but even if I didn't, I'd know she was rich. That's the whole point. There was nothing special about her clothes or appearance, she just gives off this vibe. You can tell. That's why a regular person can't recreate "understated wealthy" -- it's not in the clothes or the hair, it's something else that is unattainable to those of us who are not wealthy.

Why are you so obsessed with this person that you noted all these details about her? I’m sure she was creeped out.

[Anonymous]

Just watch Inventing Anna

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so tbh. You could hire a stylist to help with clothing though. The internal bit of being deeply, generationally wealthy - entirely financially secure - way down into you genes is not something you can acquire.

I agree with this. I think the reason people are obsessed with looking wealthy (on this board and just in general) is because we see rich people and want to feel like that -- truly secure in your well being, and the well bing of your kids if you have them. It's not exactly confidence (though it might also be that) -- there are poor people who are confident. It's that sense of security.

I saw a woman the other day who embodied that super understated rich person vibe. Her clothes were not showy at all -- a good quality raincoat from LL Bean or similar, nice straight cut jeans that were flattering and fit well and likely from a luxury brand, but no obvious branding or identifying marks. No socks, and good quality leather loafers -- they looked like they were from M.Gemi or similar but again, no obvious branding. She had long hair with a center part, it was healthy with a good cut but not styled. No makeup. Non-descript tote bag.

I could recreate her entire look tomorrow and it wouldn't even be unattainable for me financially. All in, it's probably less than 1k, including the haircut (excluding the jewelry, but again, it was so understated I don't even remember what it was -- probably a simple wedding band and some diamond studs). And I still wouldn't feel wealthy. I wouldn't even feel fashionable or pretty because there is nothing fashionable about this outfit. The reason this woman wore it well and it conveyed wealth is the WAY she wore it -- secure in the knowledge that she doesn't need to impress anyone with her clothes or style, that she can just wear good quality items that are comfortable and last, and it won't matter to her one way or the other if people like it or not.

That's it. Security. If you are trying to figure out how to "look wealthy" you are by definition insecure (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean that in a descriptive way -- most of us are insecure in some way, financially or emotionally, and it's often not really our fault) and can't achieve it.

Yes and no.

I know someone who was raised very middle class, but her mother went to great lengths to dress upper class in an understated way. That was largely influenced by their super wealthy relatives. As an adult, she married well. She dresses a certain way and carries herself as though she’s old money. She even appears better put together/more old money than her old money cousins (who are ooooooolllllldddd money with a family name many might recognize).

So, yes, you can dress a certain way and carry yourself with an elegance that will likely bring you confidence and respect.

Let's be clear about one thing. The USA is a new country. There is no Old Money here. If an American recognizes a name, that person cannot be Old Money. But I grant you that they're less New Money than people who accrued wealth with crypto

- European aristocrat.

Americans aren’t impressed by European standards.

Americans have old money families. Titans of industry. Businessmen. East Coast old money is thing. Southern money is different. Silicon tech new money isn’t the same thing.

East coast old money families send their kids to boarding school and sailing camp. Their kids go to ivies but don’t need a job. They are fresh faced and skew understated/basic preppy. They are the American ideal aesthetic, which is why we have a new thread every flipping week.

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.

I think it's good to point out a distinction between east and west coast money. My wealthiest friend was raised in a ski town on a horse ranch, more or less. She grew up skiing, riding, biking and figure skating. No boarding school. Good college. We met in law school, but she moved back closer to home after a few years of grinding it out in big law. She dresses in Patagonia, drives a land rover and is raising her kids in the same way she was raised. She looks like she's always dressed to go on some outdoor adventure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so tbh. You could hire a stylist to help with clothing though. The internal bit of being deeply, generationally wealthy - entirely financially secure - way down into you genes is not something you can acquire.

I agree with this. I think the reason people are obsessed with looking wealthy (on this board and just in general) is because we see rich people and want to feel like that -- truly secure in your well being, and the well bing of your kids if you have them. It's not exactly confidence (though it might also be that) -- there are poor people who are confident. It's that sense of security.

I saw a woman the other day who embodied that super understated rich person vibe. Her clothes were not showy at all -- a good quality raincoat from LL Bean or similar, nice straight cut jeans that were flattering and fit well and likely from a luxury brand, but no obvious branding or identifying marks. No socks, and good quality leather loafers -- they looked like they were from M.Gemi or similar but again, no obvious branding. She had long hair with a center part, it was healthy with a good cut but not styled. No makeup. Non-descript tote bag.

I could recreate her entire look tomorrow and it wouldn't even be unattainable for me financially. All in, it's probably less than 1k, including the haircut (excluding the jewelry, but again, it was so understated I don't even remember what it was -- probably a simple wedding band and some diamond studs). And I still wouldn't feel wealthy. I wouldn't even feel fashionable or pretty because there is nothing fashionable about this outfit. The reason this woman wore it well and it conveyed wealth is the WAY she wore it -- secure in the knowledge that she doesn't need to impress anyone with her clothes or style, that she can just wear good quality items that are comfortable and last, and it won't matter to her one way or the other if people like it or not.

That's it. Security. If you are trying to figure out how to "look wealthy" you are by definition insecure (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean that in a descriptive way -- most of us are insecure in some way, financially or emotionally, and it's often not really our fault) and can't achieve it.

I think you may have just seen a regular person, PP

Nope. Rich AF. I know for other reasons (I know of her through an activity our kids are in together, though we've never met) but even if I didn't, I'd know she was rich. That's the whole point. There was nothing special about her clothes or appearance, she just gives off this vibe. You can tell. That's why a regular person can't recreate "understated wealthy" -- it's not in the clothes or the hair, it's something else that is unattainable to those of us who are not wealthy.

Why are you so obsessed with this person that you noted all these details about her? I’m sure she was creeped out.

Hahahahaha. +1 Same reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Note, I do not mean “noveau riche” with a McMansion.

One or two small tastefully tattoos in discrete area
Tesla charging station in front yard
Subscription to ethical investing lying around your coffee table
Talk about Online Personal trainer to the stars
Leave basket of horse riding equipment visibly near front door
Bumper stickers on car related to horse riding in Montana and skiing in Aspen
Sing the praises of your house help who are like family To you. What would you do without them?

I agree with everything except the tatoos. Tatoos are just vulgar.

I think PP was joking

Yah. - surprised anyone agreed with any of it 😝😜 where are those tattoo icons when ya need them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Note, I do not mean “noveau riche” with a McMansion.

What Grey Gardens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so tbh. You could hire a stylist to help with clothing though. The internal bit of being deeply, generationally wealthy - entirely financially secure - way down into you genes is not something you can acquire.

I agree with this. I think the reason people are obsessed with looking wealthy (on this board and just in general) is because we see rich people and want to feel like that -- truly secure in your well being, and the well bing of your kids if you have them. It's not exactly confidence (though it might also be that) -- there are poor people who are confident. It's that sense of security.

I saw a woman the other day who embodied that super understated rich person vibe. Her clothes were not showy at all -- a good quality raincoat from LL Bean or similar, nice straight cut jeans that were flattering and fit well and likely from a luxury brand, but no obvious branding or identifying marks. No socks, and good quality leather loafers -- they looked like they were from M.Gemi or similar but again, no obvious branding. She had long hair with a center part, it was healthy with a good cut but not styled. No makeup. Non-descript tote bag.

I could recreate her entire look tomorrow and it wouldn't even be unattainable for me financially. All in, it's probably less than 1k, including the haircut (excluding the jewelry, but again, it was so understated I don't even remember what it was -- probably a simple wedding band and some diamond studs). And I still wouldn't feel wealthy. I wouldn't even feel fashionable or pretty because there is nothing fashionable about this outfit. The reason this woman wore it well and it conveyed wealth is the WAY she wore it -- secure in the knowledge that she doesn't need to impress anyone with her clothes or style, that she can just wear good quality items that are comfortable and last, and it won't matter to her one way or the other if people like it or not.

That's it. Security. If you are trying to figure out how to "look wealthy" you are by definition insecure (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean that in a descriptive way -- most of us are insecure in some way, financially or emotionally, and it's often not really our fault) and can't achieve it.

Yes and no.

I know someone who was raised very middle class, but her mother went to great lengths to dress upper class in an understated way. That was largely influenced by their super wealthy relatives. As an adult, she married well. She dresses a certain way and carries herself as though she’s old money. She even appears better put together/more old money than her old money cousins (who are ooooooolllllldddd money with a family name many might recognize).

So, yes, you can dress a certain way and carry yourself with an elegance that will likely bring you confidence and respect.

Let's be clear about one thing. The USA is a new country. There is no Old Money here. If an American recognizes a name, that person cannot be Old Money. But I grant you that they're less New Money than people who accrued wealth with crypto

- European aristocrat.

Americans aren’t impressed by European standards.

Americans have old money families. Titans of industry. Businessmen. East Coast old money is thing. Southern money is different. Silicon tech new money isn’t the same thing.

East coast old money families send their kids to boarding school and sailing camp. Their kids go to ivies but don’t need a job. They are fresh faced and skew understated/basic preppy. They are the American ideal aesthetic, which is why we have a new thread every flipping week.

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.

I think it's good to point out a distinction between east and west coast money. My wealthiest friend was raised in a ski town on a horse ranch, more or less. She grew up skiing, riding, biking and figure skating. No boarding school. Good college. We met in law school, but she moved back closer to home after a few years of grinding it out in big law. She dresses in Patagonia, drives a land rover and is raising her kids in the same way she was raised. She looks like she's always dressed to go on some outdoor adventure.

Of course. The distinction is obvious.

All the dcum threads about how to look affluent, classy, old money, etc. are talking about east coast monied women. There’s a certain way they dress for the occasion (beach, city, country, travel, black tie, weddings, school events, shopping, etc.). While lots of people try to copy it, it’s tricky to nail perfectly. The money is a critical part to afford the classic, basic pieces.

Your $200 cashmere sweater simply isn’t as nice or durable as the old money $500-1k+ version. Ditto for coats. And tailored slacks. Shoes matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so tbh. You could hire a stylist to help with clothing though. The internal bit of being deeply, generationally wealthy - entirely financially secure - way down into you genes is not something you can acquire.

I agree with this. I think the reason people are obsessed with looking wealthy (on this board and just in general) is because we see rich people and want to feel like that -- truly secure in your well being, and the well bing of your kids if you have them. It's not exactly confidence (though it might also be that) -- there are poor people who are confident. It's that sense of security.

I saw a woman the other day who embodied that super understated rich person vibe. Her clothes were not showy at all -- a good quality raincoat from LL Bean or similar, nice straight cut jeans that were flattering and fit well and likely from a luxury brand, but no obvious branding or identifying marks. No socks, and good quality leather loafers -- they looked like they were from M.Gemi or similar but again, no obvious branding. She had long hair with a center part, it was healthy with a good cut but not styled. No makeup. Non-descript tote bag.

I could recreate her entire look tomorrow and it wouldn't even be unattainable for me financially. All in, it's probably less than 1k, including the haircut (excluding the jewelry, but again, it was so understated I don't even remember what it was -- probably a simple wedding band and some diamond studs). And I still wouldn't feel wealthy. I wouldn't even feel fashionable or pretty because there is nothing fashionable about this outfit. The reason this woman wore it well and it conveyed wealth is the WAY she wore it -- secure in the knowledge that she doesn't need to impress anyone with her clothes or style, that she can just wear good quality items that are comfortable and last, and it won't matter to her one way or the other if people like it or not.

That's it. Security. If you are trying to figure out how to "look wealthy" you are by definition insecure (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean that in a descriptive way -- most of us are insecure in some way, financially or emotionally, and it's often not really our fault) and can't achieve it.

Yes and no.

I know someone who was raised very middle class, but her mother went to great lengths to dress upper class in an understated way. That was largely influenced by their super wealthy relatives. As an adult, she married well. She dresses a certain way and carries herself as though she’s old money. She even appears better put together/more old money than her old money cousins (who are ooooooolllllldddd money with a family name many might recognize).

So, yes, you can dress a certain way and carry yourself with an elegance that will likely bring you confidence and respect.

Let's be clear about one thing. The USA is a new country. There is no Old Money here. If an American recognizes a name, that person cannot be Old Money. But I grant you that they're less New Money than people who accrued wealth with crypto

- European aristocrat.

Americans aren’t impressed by European standards.

Americans have old money families. Titans of industry. Businessmen. East Coast old money is thing. Southern money is different. Silicon tech new money isn’t the same thing.

East coast old money families send their kids to boarding school and sailing camp. Their kids go to ivies but don’t need a job. They are fresh faced and skew understated/basic preppy. They are the American ideal aesthetic, which is why we have a new thread every flipping week.

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.

You’re embarrassing us. Shhhh - fellow American

+1. There is no old money in the US.

[Anonymous]

OP -- look to old families in countries that were colonized and robbed of their wealth. Those people are now poor, but maintain their dignity because they know true class isn't from money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so tbh. You could hire a stylist to help with clothing though. The internal bit of being deeply, generationally wealthy - entirely financially secure - way down into you genes is not something you can acquire.

I agree with this. I think the reason people are obsessed with looking wealthy (on this board and just in general) is because we see rich people and want to feel like that -- truly secure in your well being, and the well bing of your kids if you have them. It's not exactly confidence (though it might also be that) -- there are poor people who are confident. It's that sense of security.

I saw a woman the other day who embodied that super understated rich person vibe. Her clothes were not showy at all -- a good quality raincoat from LL Bean or similar, nice straight cut jeans that were flattering and fit well and likely from a luxury brand, but no obvious branding or identifying marks. No socks, and good quality leather loafers -- they looked like they were from M.Gemi or similar but again, no obvious branding. She had long hair with a center part, it was healthy with a good cut but not styled. No makeup. Non-descript tote bag.

I could recreate her entire look tomorrow and it wouldn't even be unattainable for me financially. All in, it's probably less than 1k, including the haircut (excluding the jewelry, but again, it was so understated I don't even remember what it was -- probably a simple wedding band and some diamond studs). And I still wouldn't feel wealthy. I wouldn't even feel fashionable or pretty because there is nothing fashionable about this outfit. The reason this woman wore it well and it conveyed wealth is the WAY she wore it -- secure in the knowledge that she doesn't need to impress anyone with her clothes or style, that she can just wear good quality items that are comfortable and last, and it won't matter to her one way or the other if people like it or not.

That's it. Security. If you are trying to figure out how to "look wealthy" you are by definition insecure (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean that in a descriptive way -- most of us are insecure in some way, financially or emotionally, and it's often not really our fault) and can't achieve it.

Yes and no.

I know someone who was raised very middle class, but her mother went to great lengths to dress upper class in an understated way. That was largely influenced by their super wealthy relatives. As an adult, she married well. She dresses a certain way and carries herself as though she’s old money. She even appears better put together/more old money than her old money cousins (who are ooooooolllllldddd money with a family name many might recognize).

So, yes, you can dress a certain way and carry yourself with an elegance that will likely bring you confidence and respect.

Let's be clear about one thing. The USA is a new country. There is no Old Money here. If an American recognizes a name, that person cannot be Old Money. But I grant you that they're less New Money than people who accrued wealth with crypto

- European aristocrat.

Americans aren’t impressed by European standards.

Americans have old money families. Titans of industry. Businessmen. East Coast old money is thing. Southern money is different. Silicon tech new money isn’t the same thing.

East coast old money families send their kids to boarding school and sailing camp. Their kids go to ivies but don’t need a job. They are fresh faced and skew understated/basic preppy. They are the American ideal aesthetic, which is why we have a new thread every flipping week.

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.

Does this mean I have to stop keeping up with the royal families of Monaco and Greta’s Britain ? Should I advise my DC to not aim for Cambridge or St Andrews so they can better mingle with American old money prospective spouses ?