How many nights to stay when moving kid into dorms? Advice BTDT please
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Anonymous
| Has anyone gone on medication temporarily to get through this? I know I sound like a loon but even reading through this is almost giving me a panic attack. I really want DC to be happy and not ruin it with physical manifestations of my emotional heart being ripped out but I cannot see any way to control myself as I have been dreading this for about 10 years. I just get along so well with DC and even though I have other kids I *adore* and a busy job and life, it truly feels like the end of the best years of my life (as a mom having all my kids in my nest) and I mourn it like impending death. And I feel terrible for casting a pall over such an exciting time because while I will be super happy for them, I will be breaking into a million pieces for me. |
Anonymous
Imagine having twins! Life changed in an instant. Did not go on medication but immediately signed up for tennis lessons, Pilates lessons and made plans with another mom who “lost” a kid the same week. It really helps to simply distract. Life is not over and not even your happiest times are behind you, it just feels that way. Oh I also made plans for our first family trip to Europe over Christmas for something to look forward to that brought us all back together. |
Anonymous
I was you a year ago. It was very hard the week of move-in, and for a few weeks after. Then, things slowly fall into place and get much easier. And then they are home for Thanksgiving and then again for a really long winter break. It gets much easier! |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
A 11 hour drive won't get you to campus on time. There's going to be a window for move in. You don't want your kid getting up at 3 a.m. and then being too exhausted for the meet and greet part. I agree to drive one day, spend that night in a hotel near campus. Do the move in, say good bye, attend any campus events for parents, and then have a restful night and go back home the next day. |
Anonymous
Ask your kid for a few hits from their bong or to share an edible. Sounds like you’ll both need it! |
Anonymous
I’ve dealt with significant anxiety and depression most of my life, and wrong approach. You take anti-anxiety meds to numb the feelings and then you don’t deal with them— until you stop medicating. And no one responsible would give you more than a very short term Valium or Xanax prescription. And clinical depression is different than experiencing a real loss. Prozac won’t “cure” it, because your feeling are in proportion to the situation. You have a situational problem, not a mental illness. And to some extent, it’s a loss, so you need to feel bad for a while. It’s like a death in the family. Tranquilizer your brains out for a while, but eventually you end up in rehab or the Max cuts you off— and the loss is still there. And it’s worse for you, because your friends with similarly aged kids have gotten through the hard first few weeks and and finding a new normal. And you’re all alone. I would strongly recommend that you make an appointment with a therapist— like, tomorrow, because post Pandemic there are waiting lists. And do some CBT. Talk through and understand your feelings that the best part of your life is over (it probably isn’t), sit on her sofa and cry and let your darkest feeling out and work with her to develop some coping mechanisms and a plan to ease the transition. You’ll still feel sad, but you can definitely make it easier. |
Anonymous
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depends on the school. some schools have check in times where helpers unload your car and take all the stuff to the room for you. if you arrive on that day, then zero or one night. if you arrive the night before, one maybe two. you don't want to be hanging around. rip off the bandaid and go home.
set up the room. figure out what you need from target or wherever, go get it, finish up, then maybe a meal then leave. |
Anonymous
| Thanks everyone who gave thoughtful advice on my stress over having my kid take flight. Really appreciate the suggestions and empathy. |
Anonymous
| My god. My parents were on the road before 9 a.m. |
Anonymous
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Prepare to be flexible. Even the best planned move in days can be challenging.
Our DC’s move in time was early and pretty smooth. Though he had a 30 min detour as his ID card wasn’t properly magnetized. DC’s roommate was a later slot. Due to that magnetizing issue, the roommate ended up getting into the dorm 2 hours later than planned. His parents were fine for their plan, but had they had to drive 10 hours they’d have been kinda screwed. Luckily heys booked a hotel night before and after for this very reason. Good luck!!! |
Anonymous
| Anything wrong with not driving a jam packed car and instead arriving the day or two before and doing the Target/BBB run (assuming they are near the school) once you arrive? |
Anonymous
| Why is the hotel non refundable? |
Anonymous
| My kids school (pre-Covid) had a parent orientation/lunch on drop off day so I would investigate that before making plans. With my #1 is was a 9 hour drive. We stayed the night before locally and then left after the parent activity on day 2 and drove a few hours back, finished the trip the next day. |
Anonymous
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With our oldest, we drove to the town the night before and spent the night in the hotel. Then unloaded him in the morning, did the Target run, had lunch with him in the dining hall, hugged and left before I burst our crying. He's a 3 hour drive away so we were able to get home that night. We had originally planned on staying for a "parent's orientation." But when we saw the schedule of events, we realized it was an exact repeat of what we had done during an admitted students event a couple of months earlier.
Our middle son is at a school local (a 45 minute drive away.) He is a freshman this year, he applied ED and the only admitted student events were done via zoom. Since he didn't have a decision to make at that point, he didn't do any of them. DH and I had never done a tour of the school, other than walk around the campus on our own, so we were very interested in doing the "parent's orientation" which was in person. We did those events the day after move in -if we had had the opportunity to do them in the spring, we would not have gone back. We have one more to move into school. Most likely, we'll do what we did with DS #1 - drop off and then head immediately home - unless its a lengthy drive, then we'll stay a 2nd night. But we won't plan on seeing DS after we drop him off on move in day. |