Chubby but beautiful girl

[Anonymous]

What does she do to stay healthy? We make sure our kids play one sport every season to keep fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does she do to stay healthy? We make sure our kids play one sport every season to keep fit.

She’s playing sports every season, she skies in winter and swims a lot in the summer as well as going to outdoor camps. She does dance for several hours several times a week and is a wonderful singer. We eat healthy foods together as a family and enjoy treats in moderation as well (probably more than we “should” but not enough that they are a problem, and we never eat junk food).

I don’t talk about anyones appearance or weight, ever. Except on anonymous message boards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am with you, I have a son who is the same age, chubby around the middle, who gets teased. I also hope he'll grow out of this stage. We are pushing sports and cook healthy, but there's still sugar in his life. It's hard to know what to say. We want them to be healthy and happy, and when kids make fun of them, it hurts a lot.

I focus on health first and foremost and that's what we tell him. Not weight, not appearance. Health is physical activity, healthy food, balanced screen time, good mental health.

I agree. It starts at home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she do to stay healthy? We make sure our kids play one sport every season to keep fit.

She’s playing sports every season, she skies in winter and swims a lot in the summer as well as going to outdoor camps. She does dance for several hours several times a week and is a wonderful singer. We eat healthy foods together as a family and enjoy treats in moderation as well (probably more than we “should” but not enough that they are a problem, and we never eat junk food).

I don’t talk about anyones appearance or weight, ever. Except on anonymous message boards.

it sounds like your daughter is absolutely perfect and everything you do is perfect. so far we learned that your daughter is the kindest person you know with the most beautiful eyes and eyelashes and mouth and hair and (soon to be) gorgeous body, angelic voice, perfect eating habits etc. it feels like, if your daughter were not so perfect, you would be upset. likewise, it feels like your daughter has difficulty tolerating imperfections and has little resilience.

[Anonymous]

Op, I'd dive into some Virginia Sole-Smith. She had a podcast episode recently with a family therapist, and eating disorder expert about a similar concept.

Basically, YOU need to do the hard work to deconstruct all your own fat phobia. You clearly see fat=bad and thin=good. So of course your daughter does as well. This isn't' shaming, most of us have this problem! But it's incredibly damaging to young girls.

Here's a good place to listen, or just read the transcript:

https://virginiasolesmith.substack.com/p/if-my-daughter-wanted-to-eat-healthier?s=r

[Anonymous]

Being called fat and teased is not ok and has driven many kids to eating disorders and lifelong low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

I don't have time to write that much, but I also had a critical mom and an eating disorder, and I also have a very, very pretty teen daughter. We ALWAYS deemphasized appearance. All little girls want to be pretty. We told her people should strive to be "pretty on the inside" Over time, it became almost a bit of a family joke, but I do think she absorbed the lessons. Sports have helped keep our daughter's head on straight ... she sees her body as powerful. Her friends are pretty sensible -- we've been lucky with that. She spends more time on social media than I would like, but we were strict with it before high school.

Just keep deemphasizing looks, keep her busy and involved with school and community, and praise her for other things.

[Anonymous]

Everything I need to know is in the one word in your title that is so damning. The "but".

It's 100% possible to be chubby AND beautiful. But you need to believe it before she can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she do to stay healthy? We make sure our kids play one sport every season to keep fit.

She’s playing sports every season, she skies in winter and swims a lot in the summer as well as going to outdoor camps. She does dance for several hours several times a week and is a wonderful singer. We eat healthy foods together as a family and enjoy treats in moderation as well (probably more than we “should” but not enough that they are a problem, and we never eat junk food).

I don’t talk about anyones appearance or weight, ever. Except on anonymous message boards.

it sounds like your daughter is absolutely perfect and everything you do is perfect. so far we learned that your daughter is the kindest person you know with the most beautiful eyes and eyelashes and mouth and hair and (soon to be) gorgeous body, angelic voice, perfect eating habits etc. it feels like, if your daughter were not so perfect, you would be upset. likewise, it feels like your daughter has difficulty tolerating imperfections and has little resilience.

+1

This. You’ve rebutted pretty much all feedback that suggests you should be more self-reflective and perhaps reconsider your approach. (Seriously, your detailed description of your daughter’s different features and prediction of her future looks definitely creeped me out!!!)

At this point, it sounds like what you want to hear is that you’re doing everything right. Which is ok, I guess. Sometimes we all need a little validation and encouragement when things are hard.

So here it goes: You’re doing a great job, OP. It sucks that your daughter has been on the receiving end of negative comments and bullying about her weight. That’s hurtful and wrong, and no kid should have to deal with that crap! Thankfully, she has you on her side, and you’re doing your best to model healthy attitudes and habits for her at home. You’re also trying your best to keep the focus on her other (non appearance-related) qualities and characteristics because you want her to know that’s what matters most.

[Anonymous]

The fact that your subject line says “chubby but beautiful girl” tells me all I need to know about how you talk about weigh to her. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

This OP was either written by a dad who has got a creep side that needs to be examined or a robot pretending to be an adult human woman.

[Anonymous]

Kids are so mean! OP, just tell her she’s beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You answered your own question. She's gorgeous and treat her as such. Don't even mention the haters/bullies to her. Don't give them air. If she complains say 'That's weird considering how gorgeous you are, must be having issues at home'. And move on. It'll influence that little voice in her head.

This is ridiculous. If she is being bullied, report the bullies, don’t say “they jus jelly” or “they’re poo-poo heads.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem awfully focused on looks. I can't imagine spending that much brain power on describing my daughter's looks, hypothesizing on what a gorgeous woman she will become, etc.

Honestly, I've never thought of my daughter this way. Ever.

I would be careful that you're not projecting this all on your kid.

OMG, yes. Glad you are not my mother.

[Anonymous]

You should just tell her you love her anyway.

And that true beauty is on the inside, so just ignore the thin bullies.