I am Russian, she is Ukrainian, we were friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

It doesn’t sound like OP was doing any of that, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

It doesn’t sound like OP was doing any of that, though.

How do you know? You have been a fly on the wall in OP’s conversations with her friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

It doesn’t sound like OP was doing any of that, though.

Eh, does OP even realize it? Is OP being brutally honest with herself?

Not likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

It doesn’t sound like OP was doing any of that, though.

Eh, does OP even realize it? Is OP being brutally honest with herself?

Not likely.

Making assumptions about OP is really not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve cut off the two Russians I was friendly with.


This is personal. Every single Russian needs to punished for this, not just Putin and the oligarchs.

You are ridiculous. The average Russian has zero responsibility for Putin's criminal war and acts. The soldiers who claim they were following orders are as guilty as Putin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

I am the OP. Not all Russians are equal. Not all Russians are assholes. My family always treated Ukraine as a separate country. We were against the annexation of Crimea. I am sorry you had a bad experience with the Russians. I am not one of those Russians and neither is my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

It doesn’t sound like OP was doing any of that, though.

Are you OP’s friend to make such a statement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and she is no longer talking to me. I am anti-Putin, I support humanitarian efforts. She was my friend for 20 years and now she blocked me, told her children not talk to mine. What can I do? What should I do? I am devastated and so are my children.

Are you clearly opposed to the war? One thing we have encountered with Russian friends is that they take an equivocal position regarding the war in which they place some blame on the Ukrainians (or NATO, etc). I can imagine Ukrainians not having a lot of patience with both-sidesing the war right now.

I place absolutely no blame on the Ukrainians. This is their land that is being raped. I do not support Russian position and if anything, I have called for a no fly zone over Ukraine.

It is not enough as a Russian to “call for” something and say you are opposed. What concretely are you doing? you and your family, including your kids? Are you raising money? Are you attending protests? Are you writing your rep and asking for support for a no fly zone? Have you asked how you can support, concretely, your friends family? Do they have relatives still in Ukraine? What concrete help have you offered to get them out or provide them with supies or contacts?

If you are just talk and no action, your friend sees that as a betrayal.

We are raising money for medicine, we volunteer at Ukrainian churches, we brought supplies, we go to protests. We call our senators and congressmen. We constantly share information about jobs and housing for displaced people; we actually have relatives in France and in Denmark who offered to take people in. My friend actually has no family left in Ukraine, everyone is in the US.

Are you doing all this stuff because you believe in it, or so you can win the friendship of your Ukranian aqcuaintance? Because if it's the former, then it ahould not matter whether she chooses to communicate with you or not. But it's for the latter, then she'll rigjtfully view you with suspicion that you might be a spy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and she is no longer talking to me. I am anti-Putin, I support humanitarian efforts. She was my friend for 20 years and now she blocked me, told her children not talk to mine. What can I do? What should I do? I am devastated and so are my children.

Are you clearly opposed to the war? One thing we have encountered with Russian friends is that they take an equivocal position regarding the war in which they place some blame on the Ukrainians (or NATO, etc). I can imagine Ukrainians not having a lot of patience with both-sidesing the war right now.

I place absolutely no blame on the Ukrainians. This is their land that is being raped. I do not support Russian position and if anything, I have called for a no fly zone over Ukraine.

It is not enough as a Russian to “call for” something and say you are opposed. What concretely are you doing? you and your family, including your kids? Are you raising money? Are you attending protests? Are you writing your rep and asking for support for a no fly zone? Have you asked how you can support, concretely, your friends family? Do they have relatives still in Ukraine? What concrete help have you offered to get them out or provide them with supies or contacts?

If you are just talk and no action, your friend sees that as a betrayal.

We are raising money for medicine, we volunteer at Ukrainian churches, we brought supplies, we go to protests. We call our senators and congressmen. We constantly share information about jobs and housing for displaced people; we actually have relatives in France and in Denmark who offered to take people in. My friend actually has no family left in Ukraine, everyone is in the US.

Are you doing all this stuff because you believe in it, or so you can win the friendship of your Ukranian aqcuaintance? Because if it's the former, then it ahould not matter whether she chooses to communicate with you or not. But it's for the latter, then she'll rigjtfully view you with suspicion that you might be a spy.

A spy? WTH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve cut off the two Russians I was friendly with.


This is personal. Every single Russian needs to punished for this, not just Putin and the oligarchs.

Even the protestors need to be punished? Are you for real?

Every. Single. Russian.


There. Here. Everywhere.



Is that unambiguous enough?

Excellent example of the horseshoe analogy of ideology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

I am the OP. Not all Russians are equal. Not all Russians are assholes. My family always treated Ukraine as a separate country. We were against the annexation of Crimea. I am sorry you had a bad experience with the Russians. I am not one of those Russians and neither is my family.

DP. A "bad experience"? PP says they have a list a mile long, that's a lot more than a "bad experience". Why are you trying so hard to invalidate PP's grievances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

I am the OP. Not all Russians are equal. Not all Russians are assholes. My family always treated Ukraine as a separate country. We were against the annexation of Crimea. I am sorry you had a bad experience with the Russians. I am not one of those Russians and neither is my family.

DP. A "bad experience"? PP says they have a list a mile long, that's a lot more than a "bad experience". Why are you trying so hard to invalidate PP's grievances?

DP. Jeez — what’s your problem?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Let her know you understand her hurt and anger right now, you miss her, your kids miss her kids, but you understand if she needs space right now. I think that's all you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably for a multitude of micro aggressions that Russians don’t even notice when they deal with Ukrainians that used to be tolerable before but became absolutely unacceptable with the expanded invasion and targeting civilians.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Oh, I absolutely do.

Want to provide examples?

i'm Ukrainian and i have a list a mile long of how many times Russians in my life have dismissed my identity. Using the word "ours" to describe things, implying that we are the same, using the wrong preposition phrase when referring to Ukraine, etc, etc.

I am the OP. Not all Russians are equal. Not all Russians are assholes. My family always treated Ukraine as a separate country. We were against the annexation of Crimea. I am sorry you had a bad experience with the Russians. I am not one of those Russians and neither is my family.

DP. A "bad experience"? PP says they have a list a mile long, that's a lot more than a "bad experience". Why are you trying so hard to invalidate PP's grievances?

DP. Jeez — what’s your problem?

My problem is the Ukrainian PP says they have a list a mile long, and the Russian PP just dismisses it as if it doesn't matter. What's your problem? For starters, it sounds like you have trouble showing respect to anyone, and you have difficulty accepting things may not align perfectly with your perceptions.