Don't like First Date Idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a first date have to be creative? Nothing wrong with a nice lunch and/or trip to a museum. I wouldn’t do a first date where I was likely to be shown up in something at which I am relatively unskilled.

I like lunch and museums, but the way you’ve written this makes it sound like you’re an elderly aunt taking your young niece out for the day. “A nice lunch.”

Lol it totally does but I promise it’s very different!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t like you that much to agree to pool. Can we do x instead?”

I live in the suburbs and so many guys would invite me into dc for a date (totally normal) but I didn’t have the energy to do that for a first date and used the above line more or less and the guys that were worth my time didn’t care at all to travel to the burbs. It felt high maintenance on my part but I also didn’t care. Going into dc wasn’t worth the hassle.

Omg who would go out with someone who led with this line? There are a million other things to say.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you don’t do pool, but let him pick the alternative. If it also sucks, then there’s your answer.

Telling him “Let’s do X thing I like instead” makes his life easier because he didn’t have to plan a thing, YOU did, and also disguises the fact that he picks crappy dates ergo, probably a crappy date himself. Next thing you know you’re 5 years down the line complaining about how he hid that he was an uninvolved, crappy date from you before the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I actually like playing pool ok, but am not into the idea of it for a first date. I'd rather do something like coffee or getting a drink, where the focus is on talking to the other person, and figuring out whether they are someone I want to spend more time with. Pool would be ok for a second or third date.

OP, why don't you suggest getting a drink or coffee and a dessert instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t like you that much to agree to pool. Can we do x instead?”

I live in the suburbs and so many guys would invite me into dc for a date (totally normal) but I didn’t have the energy to do that for a first date and used the above line more or less and the guys that were worth my time didn’t care at all to travel to the burbs. It felt high maintenance on my part but I also didn’t care. Going into dc wasn’t worth the hassle.

This would be the last thing you’d ever utter to me. 👻 Signed, a single
man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When someone asks you out an suggests going to a place you really don't want to go to, do you speak up? or just go along with it?

Its perfectly fine to say so and suggest an alternative of equal value. You cant suggest Ritz instead of Pizzahut, unless you make sure to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say something, because of this is a spot he loves to go to… He needs to know sooner or later if you’re not his kind of chick.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'd be turned off by an offer of playing pool on a first date from any guy over age 23. On the chance that he's just struggling to find something fun and different, I would tell him pool isn't your thing and suggest a couple alternatives. How he reacts will tell you everything you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When someone asks you out an suggests going to a place you really don't want to go to, do you speak up? or just go along with it?

Its perfectly fine to say so and suggest an alternative of equal value. You cant suggest Ritz instead of Pizzahut, unless you make sure to pay for it.

Hon, there is a huge difference between asking you out TO HANG vs asking you out for a romantic evening. This guy thinks of you as one of the guys and is trying to grow his billiard posse. I'd allude to the fact that you'd prefer bowling (or whatever) and prefer to grab dinner at X. If he's interested in X, go. If he is looking for a pool buddy, at least say you'll keep your ears peeled for someone else who might be interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say something. The purpose of dating is to find out if you are compatible not to pretend to like things you don’t. I would be turned off by a first date at a pool hall. I like guys who are into the idea of my femininity, and don’t treat me like one of the guys in early dates.

Excuse me while I vomit.

+1, this is so weird

-1

I get what she is saying, and as a guy, I find it attractive. The "excuse me while I vomit" poster sounds like a loser to me. To each his own.

[Anonymous]

Do the women on apps find 6 dates with 6 proposals for different cuisine for Friday night and then at the last minute cancel 5 of them depending on what she feels like eating or doing at the moment? If she has 400 likes, maybe that is the easiest way to go. Is this guy sick of being turned down last minute and figure he will just shoot pool with his buddies since 95% chance the lady will never show -- with no notice for other plans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually like playing pool ok, but am not into the idea of it for a first date. I'd rather do something like coffee or getting a drink, where the focus is on talking to the other person, and figuring out whether they are someone I want to spend more time with. Pool would be ok for a second or third date.

OP, why don't you suggest getting a drink or coffee and a dessert instead?

DP. The bold is likely exactly why he's suggesting pool, OP. It's an activity where you both will need to focus more on the activity than on being face to face, chatting, bringing out the usual first date questions and answers. He may be confident but feel he's either done that a ton with other dates and he wants to skip it and try an activity instead, or he may lack confidence that he can come across well in a coffee or dessert and conversation type of date. Just something to consider. If I were really not thrilled with pool for the first date, I'd make another suggestion. If he's really balky about a non-activity, conversational date, that's an answer for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It takes a certain kind of guy to invite a girl to play pool in a dive bar for a first date. Some girls would love that, some would not. A girl that comes on DCUM to crowdsource what to do in dating situations is an especially bad fit for a guy who invites girls to shoot pool on first dates. No judgment on either of you, but you are not a good match and I suggest not wasting each other’s time.

I am a guy and this was exactly my thought. If this was his initial idea, that would be a red flag for 90% of the woman I know. If that is something he is into they wouldn’t even go on a date with him some place else.

Look at it as getting a dating step out of the way.

If on first date he said I go to xyz dive bar every Tuesday night to shoot pool and split a couple pitchers of Bud, would that be the type of guy you would want to date? Nothing wrong with him wanting to do that but it doesn’t have to be right with you.

I found a woman I was on a first date with was really into anime. I have nothing against anime, I just know adults that are really into that stuff aren’t people I want to associate with. Odds are she would be crazy in bed, but I wasn’t looking for a hook up. Ended the date civilly told her she was nice, beautiful (she was) and I just didn’t feel like we were good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When someone asks you out an suggests going to a place you really don't want to go to, do you speak up? or just go along with it?

Its perfectly fine to say so and suggest an alternative of equal value. You cant suggest Ritz instead of Pizzahut, unless you make sure to pay for it.

Hon, there is a huge difference between asking you out TO HANG vs asking you out for a romantic evening. This guy thinks of you as one of the guys and is trying to grow his billiard posse. I'd allude to the fact that you'd prefer bowling (or whatever) and prefer to grab dinner at X. If he's interested in X, go. If he is looking for a pool buddy, at least say you'll keep your ears peeled for someone else who might be interested.

How is bowling more romantic than pool? Bowling is utterly dorky, at least pool is cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say something. The purpose of dating is to find out if you are compatible not to pretend to like things you don’t. I would be turned off by a first date at a pool hall. I like guys who are into the idea of my femininity, and don’t treat me like one of the guys in early dates.

Excuse me while I vomit.

+1, this is so weird

-1

I get what she is saying, and as a guy, I find it attractive. The "excuse me while I vomit" poster sounds like a loser to me. To each his own.

You’re attracted to helpless women because it makes you feel strong and manly, even though you’re actually a hollow-chested, low-level paper pusher. Pathetic.