Having a clean bedding as a privilege

[Anonymous]

I think the use of the word "privilege" is the least important part of this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

why don't they use the in unit ones? Dogs/cats definitely can make the sheets dirty if they are allowed all over the bed. I had two dogs myself at one point.

Sounds like maybe your daughter also is a bit picky about cleanliness (and maybe other things?). Not that I blame her that much. I am quite picky about cleanliness, too (which my kids hate LOL) but not to the extreme.

OP here,

I have no idea why they don't use the washer and dryer there. Maybe it's the same money or something else all together. My daughter is very picky, and she does have sensitive skin and allergy just like myself. Reason why we use unsensitive so soap.. also, unscented detergent for bedding and etc. I have explained to my daughter before everyone's household and habits are different and please don't judge.

Your daughter obviously isn't judging, she's quietly bringing her own sheets and towels and never even mentioned any of it to you and is still spending the night. She found a solution, why are you trying to blow it up?

OP here,

My husband is the one that's super upset and blew up on his sister. I just want to find a solution for everyone, if they are having some type of issue, the sister or her husband can approach us or just my husband if she feels uncomfortable with me.

That's not what you said in the OP at all, you said he talked to her not that he's super upset and blew up, remember: "My husband had the conversation with the sister and she basically just told him to mind his own business and check our daughter privilege?" He talked to her because you told him to. Your meddling is disingenuous and you're trying real hard to make this a thing because you don't like her. Butt out.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and I have nothing in common except my husband and daughter period. I am truly just tired of her using privilege in every situation that she doesn't agree with, that pertain to my family. I try my best not to get in the way my husband and his sister relationship. Except with this incident, I did ask my husband to talk to his sister and find out what's going on? It was definitely an innocent question but sister-in-law kind of blew up at him and I understand somehow but she doesn't have the right to accuse everyone being mean to her or saying that our daughter is privileged because she does not want to sleep on a dirty bedding.

[Anonymous]

It probably has nothing to do with "privilege," which has become a term that people lob around with no understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the use of the word "privilege" is the least important part of this situation.

+1
It's like "woke" or "critical race theory" or whatever other culture-war words have lost all meaning because people use them without understanding what they mean. Sounds like sister is just using it to shut down discussion because she feels defensive. It has nothing to do with whether your daughter can/should bring her own sheets for sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she meant to call your daughter a snob because she suspects you both think you're better than her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

why don't they use the in unit ones? Dogs/cats definitely can make the sheets dirty if they are allowed all over the bed. I had two dogs myself at one point.

Sounds like maybe your daughter also is a bit picky about cleanliness (and maybe other things?). Not that I blame her that much. I am quite picky about cleanliness, too (which my kids hate LOL) but not to the extreme.

OP here,

I have no idea why they don't use the washer and dryer there. Maybe it's the same money or something else all together. My daughter is very picky, and she does have sensitive skin and allergy just like myself. Reason why we use unsensitive so soap.. also, unscented detergent for bedding and etc. I have explained to my daughter before everyone's household and habits are different and please don't judge.

Your daughter obviously isn't judging, she's quietly bringing her own sheets and towels and never even mentioned any of it to you and is still spending the night. She found a solution, why are you trying to blow it up?

OP here,

My husband is the one that's super upset and blew up on his sister. I just want to find a solution for everyone, if they are having some type of issue, the sister or her husband can approach us or just my husband if she feels uncomfortable with me.

That's not what you said in the OP at all, you said he talked to her not that he's super upset and blew up, remember: "My husband had the conversation with the sister and she basically just told him to mind his own business and check our daughter privilege?" He talked to her because you told him to. Your meddling is disingenuous and you're trying real hard to make this a thing because you don't like her. Butt out.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and I have nothing in common except my husband and daughter period. I am truly just tired of her using privilege in every situation that she doesn't agree with, that pertain to my family. I try my best not to get in the way my husband and his sister relationship. Except with this incident, I did ask my husband to talk to his sister and find out what's going on? It was definitely an innocent question but sister-in-law kind of blew up at him and I understand somehow but she doesn't have the right to accuse everyone being mean to her or saying that our daughter is privileged because she does not want to sleep on a dirty bedding.

What sort of answer did you expect? Telling someone their bedding stinks is a conversation that even Emily Post would have difficulty conducting with tact, let alone your average male. No good could ever have come from this discussion. I kinda think you did it to get a dig in at your SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she meant to call your daughter a snob because she suspects you both think you're better than her.

+1. She thinks your family is snobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

why don't they use the in unit ones? Dogs/cats definitely can make the sheets dirty if they are allowed all over the bed. I had two dogs myself at one point.

Sounds like maybe your daughter also is a bit picky about cleanliness (and maybe other things?). Not that I blame her that much. I am quite picky about cleanliness, too (which my kids hate LOL) but not to the extreme.

OP here,

I have no idea why they don't use the washer and dryer there. Maybe it's the same money or something else all together. My daughter is very picky, and she does have sensitive skin and allergy just like myself. Reason why we use unsensitive so soap.. also, unscented detergent for bedding and etc. I have explained to my daughter before everyone's household and habits are different and please don't judge.

Your daughter obviously isn't judging, she's quietly bringing her own sheets and towels and never even mentioned any of it to you and is still spending the night. She found a solution, why are you trying to blow it up?

OP here,

My husband is the one that's super upset and blew up on his sister. I just want to find a solution for everyone, if they are having some type of issue, the sister or her husband can approach us or just my husband if she feels uncomfortable with me.

That's not what you said in the OP at all, you said he talked to her not that he's super upset and blew up, remember: "My husband had the conversation with the sister and she basically just told him to mind his own business and check our daughter privilege?" He talked to her because you told him to. Your meddling is disingenuous and you're trying real hard to make this a thing because you don't like her. Butt out.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and I have nothing in common except my husband and daughter period. I am truly just tired of her using privilege in every situation that she doesn't agree with, that pertain to my family. I try my best not to get in the way my husband and his sister relationship. Except with this incident, I did ask my husband to talk to his sister and find out what's going on? It was definitely an innocent question but sister-in-law kind of blew up at him and I understand somehow but she doesn't have the right to accuse everyone being mean to her or saying that our daughter is privileged because she does not want to sleep on a dirty bedding.

What sort of answer did you expect? Telling someone their bedding stinks is a conversation that even Emily Post would have difficulty conducting with tact, let alone your average male. No good could ever have come from this discussion. I kinda think you did it to get a dig in at your SIL.

Yeah it’s pretty rude to ask someone why the bedding they have at their home isn’t up to your daughters standards. He should absolutely not have said anything. It’s one thing for her to bring sheets or a sleeping bag citing sensitive skin issues (they would still likely see this as high maintenance but not rude) but quite another to directly ask why her sheets aren’t good enough. This is so obviously snobby and inappropriate. If she thinks the place is gross she shouldn’t stay over but what you and DH said is not ok.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure they weren’t clean? My MIL uses heavily scented things in her laundry and it bothers all of us. We’re they dirty or an unfamiliar smell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a way it’s a privilege because we live in the US. Other countries don’t have the same level of hygiene that we do, or access to washing facilities. Having said that, unless you SIL is extremely poor with no washer/dryer there is no excuse for smelly bedding for a guest.

And because this is a majority-white privileged country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much

OP here,

My daughter is the only child and I think she does enjoy being around her cousins but she's also a very picky kid. I will definitely sit down and have a conversation with her. I always ask her when she comes back from a sleepover, how everything went and if she behaved herself as a guest. I know we're all family but still need to behave and follow the families rules and regulation. I'm assuming my sister-in-law didn't notice that my daughter was changing her bedding when she gets to her house. My husband and I think they might be having money issues, he's close to the husband and he will have a talk with him to find out what we can do to help. If it's a financial issue nothing else.

I agree you need to talk with your daughter. It is incredibly rude and offensive that she is bringing her own bedding when she hasn't been asked to do so. You just don't do stuff like that if you're going to be a good guest. Your daughter needs to learn that being a good guest means that she doesn't do things that will hurt the host's feelings. Certainly your husband should talk to the BIL but you guys both need to talk to your daughter about being a better guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much

OP here,

My daughter is the only child and I think she does enjoy being around her cousins but she's also a very picky kid. I will definitely sit down and have a conversation with her. I always ask her when she comes back from a sleepover, how everything went and if she behaved herself as a guest. I know we're all family but still need to behave and follow the families rules and regulation. I'm assuming my sister-in-law didn't notice that my daughter was changing her bedding when she gets to her house. My husband and I think they might be having money issues, he's close to the husband and he will have a talk with him to find out what we can do to help. If it's a financial issue nothing else.

I agree you need to talk with your daughter. It is incredibly rude and offensive that she is bringing her own bedding when she hasn't been asked to do so. You just don't do stuff like that if you're going to be a good guest. Your daughter needs to learn that being a good guest means that she doesn't do things that will hurt the host's feelings. Certainly your husband should talk to the BIL but you guys both need to talk to your daughter about being a better guest.

No. It's not rude to bring a sleeping bag or pillow if you're a child staying over. It doesn't sound like this was an issue with the SIL until Op's husband brought it up so indelicately. But it's not "incredibly rude and offensive" it might be more rude and offensive to expect your guests to sleep on dirty linens and offer them unclean towels. Who does that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a way it’s a privilege because we live in the US. Other countries don’t have the same level of hygiene that we do, or access to washing facilities. Having said that, unless you SIL is extremely poor with no washer/dryer there is no excuse for smelly bedding for a guest.

And because this is a majority-white privileged country.

OP here,
Definitely not poor. I spoke with my daughter and she said she doesn't mind if their house is not as clean as ours but she doesn't want to sleep on dirty bedding. DD said it's the same bedding every week and it has stain and it smells awful. The cats and the dog are allowed to be on all beds in the house.
As of now, I have suspended sleepovers all together.

[Anonymous]

Why was this even a big deal? Kid has sensitive skin, wants to bring bedding with her for a sleepover. No big deal. Has nothing to do with "sheet privilege." Should have been treated like a quirky kid thing instead of a "your house is nasty" thing.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a frequent troll or paid sh$t stirrer. It’s always a long story that is just on the edge of believable and has some political buzz words, and the English is always slightly off.

What goes over the edge on this one to “clearly fake” for me is A) the SIL might be pissed but she wouldn’t say “check your privilege” because it makes no sense in this context. 2) OP’s reaction wouldn’t be to ask if clean sheets are “privilege” because that doesn’t make sense either.