Having a clean bedding as a privilege

[Anonymous]

Oops,
Unscented soap and detergent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

why don't they use the in unit ones? Dogs/cats definitely can make the sheets dirty if they are allowed all over the bed. I had two dogs myself at one point.

Sounds like maybe your daughter also is a bit picky about cleanliness (and maybe other things?). Not that I blame her that much. I am quite picky about cleanliness, too (which my kids hate LOL) but not to the extreme.

OP here,

I have no idea why they don't use the washer and dryer there. Maybe it's the same money or something else all together. My daughter is very picky, and she does have sensitive skin and allergy just like myself. Reason why we use unsensitive so soap.. also, unscented detergent for bedding and etc. I have explained to my daughter before everyone's household and habits are different and please don't judge.

Your daughter obviously isn't judging, she's quietly bringing her own sheets and towels and never even mentioned any of it to you and is still spending the night. She found a solution, why are you trying to blow it up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

In that case, I’d be afraid she was going to bring home bed bugs. I guess you are a nicer mom than I am. I wouldn’t be doing sleepovers at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

why don't they use the in unit ones? Dogs/cats definitely can make the sheets dirty if they are allowed all over the bed. I had two dogs myself at one point.

Sounds like maybe your daughter also is a bit picky about cleanliness (and maybe other things?). Not that I blame her that much. I am quite picky about cleanliness, too (which my kids hate LOL) but not to the extreme.

OP here,

I have no idea why they don't use the washer and dryer there. Maybe it's the same money or something else all together. My daughter is very picky, and she does have sensitive skin and allergy just like myself. Reason why we use unsensitive so soap.. also, unscented detergent for bedding and etc. I have explained to my daughter before everyone's household and habits are different and please don't judge.

Your daughter obviously isn't judging, she's quietly bringing her own sheets and towels and never even mentioned any of it to you and is still spending the night. She found a solution, why are you trying to blow it up?

OP here,

My husband is the one that's super upset and blew up on his sister. I just want to find a solution for everyone, if they are having some type of issue, the sister or her husband can approach us or just my husband if she feels uncomfortable with me.

[Anonymous]

Here is the most you can say:

Larla has really sensitive skin, so she's packing a sheet and blanket. Thanks for having her!

[Anonymous]

OP, can she bring something less obvious like a pillow and a sleeping bag? Assuming your sister-in-law is average clean, but that her house probably smells like the pets and the bedding probably has pet hair on it, I can see BOTH why your daughter doesn't like it and why your sister-in-law is embarrassed/hurt/insulted. I think that teaching your daughter to be sensitive to her aunt's and cousins' feelings is the kind thing to do and not all that much of a sacrifice.

FWIW, I have a niece who is very sensitive/anxious and constantly expresses her every thought and feeling about any smell or annoyance and... it is a little hard to be around, to be honest. I love my brother and sister-in-law to death but I don't understand why they don't teach her more explicitly what is appropriate to say and what really rubs people the wrong way. I am going to love my niece no matter what but I see how much it turns people off and it is not doing HER any favors to let her go through life indulging all her sensitivities while she (clearly unintentionally!) hurts people's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, can she bring something less obvious like a pillow and a sleeping bag? Assuming your sister-in-law is average clean, but that her house probably smells like the pets and the bedding probably has pet hair on it, I can see BOTH why your daughter doesn't like it and why your sister-in-law is embarrassed/hurt/insulted. I think that teaching your daughter to be sensitive to her aunt's and cousins' feelings is the kind thing to do and not all that much of a sacrifice.

FWIW, I have a niece who is very sensitive/anxious and constantly expresses her every thought and feeling about any smell or annoyance and... it is a little hard to be around, to be honest. I love my brother and sister-in-law to death but I don't understand why they don't teach her more explicitly what is appropriate to say and what really rubs people the wrong way. I am going to love my niece no matter what but I see how much it turns people off and it is not doing HER any favors to let her go through life indulging all her sensitivities while she (clearly unintentionally!) hurts people's feelings.

OP here,

This is exactly why I want to explain to my daughter how to behave in other people's home and how not to express every single thing you feel because of your allergies or preference. I want her to speak up her mind but also be sensitive to other people and watch and learn. My sister-in-law kids when they come over are super helpful around the house, clean up for themselves, and have great manners. I expect the same for my kid and my nieces all the time.

[Anonymous]

Do they let the pets sleep on the bedding? A lot of people go noseblind to the smell.
It might also be that mildew smell. If they bring home bedding slightly damp without realizing it and then not air it out it can get that smell.

[Anonymous]

Sleeping bag and a pillow are a great idea. She can use this right on top of the bed. Easier and less embarrassing for all

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why your DH is “talking” to his sister. Washing or not washing the sheets is their personal choice. Likely having to do with their rental and laundry facility situation. Unless your DH is going to buy them a house plus a washer/dryer I don’t how him “seeing how he can help” is actually any help

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the big problem here is that your DH was rude and overstepped with his sister.

[Anonymous]

I see your daughter has sensitive skin and you use unscented detergent at home. Is if possible she’s reacting to their sheets smelling of detergent/fabric softener? (If so, no judgment on your daughter — I am also really picky about scents.) If that’s the case, it’s not a cleanliness issue and you need to teach your daughter to not call scents she doesn’t like “stinky” but her bringing her own linens isn’t an issue.

No idea how privilege comes into it tbh unless in laws can’t afford to do fresh laundry for your daughter every week? Since she’s only sleeping there once a week and I assume no one else is using the guest bed room, washing the sheets every time does seem like overkill to me too tbh. Again, I’d teach your DD to just say she’s bring her own things either because of her sensitive skin or to make things easier for her aunt. And maybe encourage your DH not to freak out and jump to conclusions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping bag and a pillow are a great idea. She can use this right on top of the bed. Easier and less embarrassing for all

Excellent idea. My sisters and I did the same as kids. We didn’t hurt anyone feelings at all

[Anonymous]

Why are you making an issue out of something that isn't an issue? Your daughter deals with it just fine. If I had a guest who brought their own bedding, I would not bat an eye - some people are just particular about what they sleep on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

why don't they use the in unit ones? Dogs/cats definitely can make the sheets dirty if they are allowed all over the bed. I had two dogs myself at one point.

Sounds like maybe your daughter also is a bit picky about cleanliness (and maybe other things?). Not that I blame her that much. I am quite picky about cleanliness, too (which my kids hate LOL) but not to the extreme.

OP here,

I have no idea why they don't use the washer and dryer there. Maybe it's the same money or something else all together. My daughter is very picky, and she does have sensitive skin and allergy just like myself. Reason why we use unsensitive so soap.. also, unscented detergent for bedding and etc. I have explained to my daughter before everyone's household and habits are different and please don't judge.

Your daughter obviously isn't judging, she's quietly bringing her own sheets and towels and never even mentioned any of it to you and is still spending the night. She found a solution, why are you trying to blow it up?

OP here,

My husband is the one that's super upset and blew up on his sister. I just want to find a solution for everyone, if they are having some type of issue, the sister or her husband can approach us or just my husband if she feels uncomfortable with me.

That's not what you said in the OP at all, you said he talked to her not that he's super upset and blew up, remember: "My husband had the conversation with the sister and she basically just told him to mind his own business and check our daughter privilege?" He talked to her because you told him to. Your meddling is disingenuous and you're trying real hard to make this a thing because you don't like her. Butt out.