Having a clean bedding as a privilege

[Anonymous]

Please settle an argument with my husband's family. My husband caught our daughter packing bedding and a towel last night, she was having a sleepover with her two cousins over the weekend. Our daughter is 13 years old and very independent. My husband asked her why she was packing bedding, she stated that her aunt's house don't have clean bedding and she is tired of the smell. I overheard the conversation, waited until my daughter left for school and ask my husband what's going on at his sister's house? He was upset I told him just call your sister and ask if everything was okay without saying anything about the bedding issue. Sister-in-law and I don't get along but we have kids the same age group and we encourage them to spend time together. Last weekend her daughter's came over and spend time with us. This is the first time I'm hearing but the bedding issue. My husband had the conversation with the sister and she basically just told him to mind his own business and check our daughter privilege? So basically I am confused, is having a clean home and regularly changing your bedding until a new way of saying that people are privilege.

[Anonymous]

It's family drama. Don't get into it.
Let her pack her own bedding if she needs to. Also, maybe it could be your daughter who thinks it smells but not the cousin. The sheets are obviously not at the standard she is used to. Who know what your daughter says when she is there. Who know if the cousins says why can't we have soft luxury sheets like others. Comments like that can annoy the mom.

[Anonymous]

In a way it’s a privilege because we live in the US. Other countries don’t have the same level of hygiene that we do, or access to washing facilities. Having said that, unless you SIL is extremely poor with no washer/dryer there is no excuse for smelly bedding for a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's family drama. Don't get into it.
Let her pack her own bedding if she needs to. Also, maybe it could be your daughter who thinks it smells but not the cousin. The sheets are obviously not at the standard she is used to. Who know what your daughter says when she is there. Who know if the cousins says why can't we have soft luxury sheets like others. Comments like that can annoy the mom.

OP here,

My niece is 14 years old and she's a sweet kid but she does compare our house to her house and I totally understand her mom is probably tired of it. I have never used the guest bedroom assisted-in-law house and obviously I wouldn't know if the beddings are clean or not. We do change our bedding and towels weekly. My daughter has sensitive skin so she does change towels every two days.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much

[Anonymous]

Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much

+1 And I say this as someone who finds dirty houses/sheets gross. Just don't go.

Agree with a PP, unless your SIL is dirt poor and/or dealing with serious illness, there is no reason to have dirty linens.

[Anonymous]

I would let her bring the sheets. I wouldn't jump to conclusions about the other house. Do you use a scented detergent/dyer stuff? If that's what your daughter is used to she might find the linens at the other house not clean smelling enough-and I feel like there are a bunch of other plausible explanations that don't include the other house being filthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much

OP here,

My daughter is the only child and I think she does enjoy being around her cousins but she's also a very picky kid. I will definitely sit down and have a conversation with her. I always ask her when she comes back from a sleepover, how everything went and if she behaved herself as a guest. I know we're all family but still need to behave and follow the families rules and regulation. I'm assuming my sister-in-law didn't notice that my daughter was changing her bedding when she gets to her house. My husband and I think they might be having money issues, he's close to the husband and he will have a talk with him to find out what we can do to help. If it's a financial issue nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

why don't they use the in unit ones? Dogs/cats definitely can make the sheets dirty if they are allowed all over the bed. I had two dogs myself at one point.

Sounds like maybe your daughter also is a bit picky about cleanliness (and maybe other things?). Not that I blame her that much. I am quite picky about cleanliness, too (which my kids hate LOL) but not to the extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much

OP here,

My daughter is the only child and I think she does enjoy being around her cousins but she's also a very picky kid. I will definitely sit down and have a conversation with her. I always ask her when she comes back from a sleepover, how everything went and if she behaved herself as a guest. I know we're all family but still need to behave and follow the families rules and regulation. I'm assuming my sister-in-law didn't notice that my daughter was changing her bedding when she gets to her house. My husband and I think they might be having money issues, he's close to the husband and he will have a talk with him to find out what we can do to help. If it's a financial issue nothing else.

Maybe she is feeling defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

If they are paying to wash their clothes, then they probably don’t like to lug all of the bedding to a laundromat every week. I’d just let your daughter keep bringing the sheets and towels.

[Anonymous]

Three cats and a dog can make a house stink! Honestly I think the “privilege” labeling is ridiculous but it sounds like sil is insecure about something. Just let your daughter take what makes her comfortable and encourage her to be discreet about it. This shouldn’t become an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a washer dryer? Is she a single mom who works a ton? I really can’t take people seriously who say “check your privilege”.

OP here,

My sister-in-law and her husband live in a rental townhouse. It does come with the washer and dryer but they don't wash their clothes there. They use a public laundromat in the neighborhood. The few times that I was invited to their house, the house was average clean and no visible dirt at all. They do have three cats and a dog.

why don't they use the in unit ones? Dogs/cats definitely can make the sheets dirty if they are allowed all over the bed. I had two dogs myself at one point.

Sounds like maybe your daughter also is a bit picky about cleanliness (and maybe other things?). Not that I blame her that much. I am quite picky about cleanliness, too (which my kids hate LOL) but not to the extreme.

OP here,

I have no idea why they don't use the washer and dryer there. Maybe it's the same money or something else all together. My daughter is very picky, and she does have sensitive skin and allergy just like myself. Reason why we use unsensitive so soap.. also, unscented detergent for bedding and etc. I have explained to my daughter before everyone's household and habits are different and please don't judge.