MILs with only sons

[Anonymous]

I think SILs can really help MIL in relating with their DILs. I’ve stress my mother right on numerous occasions during her first few years as an MIL. She is very loving but sometimes generational gap sometimes confuses her. She became much more empathetic when I helped her see things from their perspectives. She is a pro-MIL now, much more tuned into new generation’s dilemmas and limitations.

[Anonymous]

My MIL had one daughter and three daughters-in-law. I would say she treated me like a daughter, but the reality is she was much kinder to me than own mother and our relationship was less fraught. I miss her terribly.

[Anonymous]

Not the case for me! My MIL has three boys and has been the queen of the castle and doesn’t like to share her sons attention. I am married to the oldest son and the other two aren’t married yet but the middle son is engaged. She has zero female friends and ignores women in the family including me and the new fiancé. She only seeks out her sons for family photos at holidays etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My MIL was used to being the lone princess/queen in her family of 3 boys. I think she resents they all have other women in their lives now.

Sounds just like my MIL who I make posted about! The queen! Gross

[Anonymous]

I think my SIL has been an impediment to me being close with my MIL , her mother. She gets jealous easily if I get any kudos or positive attn from her parents esp her mother.

[Anonymous]

My MIL only has sons and she was absolutely terrible. Not welcoming, competitive, she refused to give me any of her recipes, told me I had to find them online, fine I did. She was insulting, rude, she could not sit back and let DH and I make decisions about our life, she forced her way in because she knew best. I also get judged on how the house looks and what the food is like, of course I get judged heavily but her son is perfect. Time has mellowed things which is great, I learned to ignore her pettiness although she still persists.

I don't think it matters to be honest, I think it is what the MIL's personality is to start with and a lot of women appear to like to control things or get so use to being in control in the mother role that they don't let go later. I also think people in general can be extremely judgemental and when you throw someone you didn't pick into your family it simply ruffles feathers. I think if someone comes from a normal loving family they are more likely to continue those behaviours and likewise if people come from dysfunctional backgrounds those behaviours will also continue unless people get help.

It's not as simple as only have sons or daughters.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, as only woman in the house, moms of sons are used to being loved and pampered by men in the house, having to share their world with another woman must be a different experience than moms with kids of both genders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someday the DILs of DCUM might decide to view MILs as just women in their lives rather than assigning all these odd attributes to them just because they are MILs.

Yeah, maybe that will happen...like when all the DCUM DILs become MILS.

I did see my MIL as an actual person, however that doesn't help when MIL is openly rude, insulting and hostile. It doesn't help when she lies to DH about me to cause fights. I get MIL's are women living their own lives however I would never in my life treat another human being the way my MIL treated me. It is one thing to have flaws, everyone has them, it's another to act how some of these women act.

What I didn't understand is that if my MIL was having so many problems with her son getting married there was always therapy. She could have reached out to friends, instead she lashed out at me, constantly until I removed myself from her.

Yes these attributes are not simply because these women are MIL's however my MIL clearly, very very clearly struggled with becoming one. The issues are surrounding MIL issues. For these women that are struggling with empty nest, menopause, the changing relationship with their son, fears of abandonment or changing time constraints, attention or whatever else goes on, yes these may be issues that younger women are not facing or aware of yet, yes younger women have not been through it and don't know how it feels however I believe we are empathetic enough to see the other side, however it is not the DIL's responsibility to fix these emotions for the MIL. It's up to the MIL to get professional help and learn to manage herself.

I will say younger women are much more aware of mental health issues and also getting therapy. Here's hoping that when the DIL's here become MIL's that they will reach out to a therapist rather than cry to their son. I do feel that will be more healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, as only woman in the house, moms of sons are used to being loved and pampered by men in the house, having to share their world with another woman must be a different experience than moms with kids of both genders.

Part of maturing is growing into an adult that can share love. There is enough to go around. If you get to 50/60 years of age and sharing the love of your son with his wife is an issue then personally I feel you have failed to grow up and mature. Needing to continue to be pampered tells me there are a lot of women who are still girls in their mindset.

[Anonymous]

MILs can't win, basically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the case with my MIL, who has a daughter. The whole family has been very welcoming to me. I couldn't have asked for better inlaws to be honest.

But your MIL isn’t a mother only of boys like OP is asking about.

My MIL has three sons and she doesn’t get along with women. So, no closeness or attempts in my case.

This is my experience as well. My MIL has 2 sons and for the most part has always been the center of attention in a family of mostly men, (her siblings are also all male and she is the youngest). She is used to being the queen bee and the center of attention. She does not get along with me or my sister-in law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My MIL was used to being the lone princess/queen in her family of 3 boys. I think she resents they all have other women in their lives now.

Oh yes. Over 20 years ago, I married her precious Golden Child. She sobbed openly at the wedding. I have completely disrupted MIL/Queen’s and unspoken expectations when she discovered early on that I, despite being introverted, have a quick wit, sharp mind and steel trap memory. I would not be the fawning and dutiful DIL, nor her new BFF/shopping buddy. I was not entertained and enthralled by her gossip and zany stories about how quirky and funny she is (with examples).

I was and am always polite, kind and respectful and never mean to MIL. I learned to go gray rock and establish strict boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have 3 sons and can’t wait to have DILs and granddaughters. I already enjoy taking DS girlfriend on vacation to help sway the vote to see art museums, gardens, etc.

[Anonymous]

Its great that I can come here and find these hackneyed cliches, so comforting that the narrow thinkers of DCUM never actually evolve.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the MIL. Mine has a son and daughter. She is close to her daughter but my SIL doesn't have kids and has no plans to. So a lot of the family traditions/stories are passed more to me so that they can continue to the next generation. I feel like my relationship with MIL is different from SIL but not in a bad way. We have the kids to bond over so there's a different dynamic than with SIL. It may have been different if SIL had kids as she lives closer to them--who knows.

MIL also had a terrible relationship with her MIL so she's very careful not to rock the boat with our relationship. The truth is, I couldn't like her (or SIL) more than I do. They are two of the nicest people I know.