MILs with only sons
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Anonymous
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It seems to be a pattern among my friends that MILs who only have sons are more welcoming to their DILs....
They want to teach them family recipes, go shopping, in effect make them an adopted daughter. Some of my friends COMPLAIN about how overwhelmed they are by all this! "My MIL wants me to come over and make Christmas candy with her, UGH" Whereas if she already has a daughter, the DIL is just that girl my son brings with him. There is often no effort made to be inclusive. Of course there are exceptions!!! But it seems very common. |
Anonymous
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Yep she’s right! This is totally going to be me
Mom of 3 boys, currently ages 3, 6 and 8 |
Anonymous
| I think it's because the sons don't have a sister whom they mentally view as performing the duty of staying close with the parents, so they do it themselves. I find in mixed gender families, the daughters tend to be closer to the parents as adults, but in families with only boys the boys take on that role more. |
Anonymous
| Well, and women probably don’t try to outcompete and snark about their BILs the way they do about their SILs, so there’s that creating less family drama too. |
Anonymous
Nope, haven't seen this. Just your friends. |
Anonymous
| Other than the inclusive issue you mention (both our families are inclusive of everyone), yes, it has been my experience that a MIL with only sons wants a DIL to act like a daughter. With my MIL, I feel all the expectations of a daughter are on me. I am also an only daughter with many sister in laws, and everything falls on me in my family too. I'm fine with it. |
Anonymous
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Hmm. I've been married twice. Current MIL has two sons. She seems like she could care less about me, although likes me just fine. I've been married to her son for almost 20 yrs. ExMIL had 2 sons and 2 daughters; was very welcoming and tried her best to treat me like one of her daughters.
Go figure. |
Anonymous
Me too! - mom of 4 boys |
Anonymous
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My MIL with only sons definitely wanted me to be her surrogate daughter but I wouldn't say she was welcoming. We have a decent relationship, but she is a difficult personality type. She's extremely insecure and passive aggressive. She will never say what she wants but will be upset when people don't give it to her anyway. It's exhausting. The idea of her inviting me over to make Christmas cookies, or even just having a normal conversation with me about books or TV, sounds impossible.
I think she has this idea that she missed out on all the best parts of motherhood because she only had boys, and this plays into this sense of entitlement she has. Like she's owed certain things in life because of the terrible fate of mothering only boys. I think she also assumes if she'd had a daughter, they'd have all the same interests and be best friends. So I never live up to her expectations because of course I am my own person and we don't have that much in common, and will likely never be that close. I'm also not super close with my own mom -- good and respectful relationship, but we're not tight. So I guess I think you are wrong OP. Some MILs with sons might be like that, but mine definitely isn't. I think a lot just depends on if your MIL has universally good MIL qualities. Is she secure in herself? Does she have good boundaries? Is she thoughtful or kind? Etc. If your MIL is like this I don't think it matters what genders her kids are. |
Anonymous
| My N of 1 doesn't bear this out. My MIL has a daughter and she's always been so excited to have me do things with her. She's a lovely person who has always made me feel like another one of her actual children. |
Anonymous
| My MIL only has sons, and she 8s not welcoming and expecting me to do housework whenever I am in their place. She thinks I steal her son away. |
Anonymous
This is also how my MIL with three sons behaves. |
Anonymous
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I'd say there's some truth to this. I was the first DIL (H one of three brothers). My MIL and I are very different. She was very ambitious while I'm not as career oriented. At first it was always like: when are you going to graduate school? What are your career goals? Can I introduce you to XXX (who has no stake in the career I was in at the time). Finally she realized I was not into it, and my one BIL got a girlfriend/wife who was studying the same thing as MIL's early career so I was thrown to the wayside. Then that SIL was thrown to the wayside as other BIL's girlfriend/wife arrived, who is very ambitious and career-oriented, so MIL focused on her. Then the focus was on a female cousin in medical school.
I do think my MIL was looking for a "daughter" to mold, but she ended up with three DILs who are each their own people. Things have changed over the years, and I feel in my case my MIL realized I was who I was and I did the same, and now we are much closer than we were back when I was getting either all the pressure to succeed or being ignored because I wasn't trying to get into graduate school. I'm very thankful to have her as a MIL even if we did have a rough start. |
Anonymous
| Not the case with my MIL, who has a daughter. The whole family has been very welcoming to me. I couldn't have asked for better inlaws to be honest. |
Anonymous
But your MIL isn’t a mother only of boys like OP is asking about. My MIL has three sons and she doesn’t get along with women. So, no closeness or attempts in my case. |