MILs with only sons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its great that I can come here and find these hackneyed cliches, so comforting that the narrow thinkers of DCUM never actually evolve.

And, ladies and gentleman of dcum, my beloved MIL has entered the chat!

All Hail Her Majesty!

[Anonymous]

PP and Interesting to note that my MIL never had a MIL herself.

And my MIL is the type who is gobsmacked that other people make different choices than she has made. How very dare they, when she is infallible, like the pope.

Our relationship started thusly;

- you’re 23? Wow. When I was 23, I had been married for 2 years with a 2 year old. Continue this reminder making adjustments to get comparison/always advising DIL how “late” and “old” she is for having a baby, having a 3rd baby, starting a job in a new field at x age “I was retired by that age!”

- criticism that I “knew too much” and was therefore an overly concerned, over educated, uptight mom with rules and boundaries and expectations. Her boys were angels who raised themselves in a fun and loose hippie like nirvana without car seats, or breastfeeding or anaphylactic food allergies or naps or orthodontia…

[Anonymous]

Parents and parents-in-law can be seriously annoying so don’t take everything to heart and develop hacks to smartly handle them in a way you would your annoying toddler, teen or colleagues. I’m sure there at least 20% of them are just toxic but rest are flawed yet loving humans who can do better with sincere and polite feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP and Interesting to note that my MIL never had a MIL herself.

And my MIL is the type who is gobsmacked that other people make different choices than she has made. How very dare they, when she is infallible, like the pope.

Our relationship started thusly;

- you’re 23? Wow. When I was 23, I had been married for 2 years with a 2 year old. Continue this reminder making adjustments to get comparison/always advising DIL how “late” and “old” she is for having a baby, having a 3rd baby, starting a job in a new field at x age “I was retired by that age!”

- criticism that I “knew too much” and was therefore an overly concerned, over educated, uptight mom with rules and boundaries and expectations. Her boys were angels who raised themselves in a fun and loose hippie like nirvana without car seats, or breastfeeding or anaphylactic food allergies or naps or orthodontia…

Oh fascinating point! My mil is one with three sons and the queen bee type who also never had a MIL of her own! This has to factor into her being so self absorbed and disengaged from her dils

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MILs can't win, basically.

I know right? It's like a never ending whine-fest, the pain and abuse these DILs endure.

I've been a MIL and I've had a MIL. I know a lot of MILs. Some are annoying, some are great. It really amazes me how much vitriol these DCUM DILs can muster up daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs can't win, basically.

I know right? It's like a never ending whine-fest, the pain and abuse these DILs endure.

I've been a MIL and I've had a MIL. I know a lot of MILs. Some are annoying, some are great. It really amazes me how much vitriol these DCUM DILs can muster up daily.

So you know women and some are annoying and some are great. True.

I didn't suffer pain long, I walked away early in the piece as did other family members. I will take wine to her grave later and dance on it though. It's great to let other women know they are not alone. If you don't have anything to add other than try to shame DIL's why are you even posting.

Of course you've been a MIL so the MIL's can't win. Win at what, the competition is all on their own. DIL's simply want to be left alone or treated normally. It's not that hard. If I end life acting and behaving like my MIL, I have failed miserably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs can't win, basically.

I know right? It's like a never ending whine-fest, the pain and abuse these DILs endure.

I've been a MIL and I've had a MIL. I know a lot of MILs. Some are annoying, some are great. It really amazes me how much vitriol these DCUM DILs can muster up daily.

So you know women and some are annoying and some are great. True.

I didn't suffer pain long, I walked away early in the piece as did other family members. I will take wine to her grave later and dance on it though. It's great to let other women know they are not alone. If you don't have anything to add other than try to shame DIL's why are you even posting.

Of course you've been a MIL so the MIL's can't win. Win at what, the competition is all on their own. DIL's simply want to be left alone or treated normally. It's not that hard. If I end life acting and behaving like my MIL, I have failed miserably.

I've been a DIL too. I predict the angry DILs here will end up worse than their MILs. Take that to the bank.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. Just like any other relation, DILs with difficult MILs rinse and repeat the toxicity while others vow to be different and never repeat hurtful behavior they endured. Obviously, a many others doesn’t base their new relations into their older one and start fresh and grow with the relation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily. Just like any other relation, DILs with difficult MILs rinse and repeat the toxicity while others vow to be different and never repeat hurtful behavior they endured. Obviously, a many others doesn’t base their new relations into their older one and start fresh and grow with the relation.

You may be right, but it's quite possible these toxic complainers will still be toxic complainers when they are MILs. Maybe they should practice tolerance, kindness, compassion now? Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily. Just like any other relation, DILs with difficult MILs rinse and repeat the toxicity while others vow to be different and never repeat hurtful behavior they endured. Obviously, a many others doesn’t base their new relations into their older one and start fresh and grow with the relation.

You may be right, but it's quite possible these toxic complainers will still be toxic complainers when they are MILs. Maybe they should practice tolerance, kindness, compassion now? Just a thought.

Quite possible but not every toxic relationship is reciprocal, sometimes good people get trapped with bad people. Half of the anger is rooted in husband/son’s inability to fairly balance both relations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily. Just like any other relation, DILs with difficult MILs rinse and repeat the toxicity while others vow to be different and never repeat hurtful behavior they endured. Obviously, a many others doesn’t base their new relations into their older one and start fresh and grow with the relation.

You may be right, but it's quite possible these toxic complainers will still be toxic complainers when they are MILs. Maybe they should practice tolerance, kindness, compassion now? Just a thought.

Omg, i did for four years then gave up. If you walk away from the toxicity you are happier.

I don't complain about my friends nor women at work nor women in general. Just MIL. She gave me ample reasons for that. Its her problem not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs can't win, basically.

I know right? It's like a never ending whine-fest, the pain and abuse these DILs endure.

I've been a MIL and I've had a MIL. I know a lot of MILs. Some are annoying, some are great. It really amazes me how much vitriol these DCUM DILs can muster up daily.

So you know women and some are annoying and some are great. True.

I didn't suffer pain long, I walked away early in the piece as did other family members. I will take wine to her grave later and dance on it though. It's great to let other women know they are not alone. If you don't have anything to add other than try to shame DIL's why are you even posting.

Of course you've been a MIL so the MIL's can't win. Win at what, the competition is all on their own. DIL's simply want to be left alone or treated normally. It's not that hard. If I end life acting and behaving like my MIL, I have failed miserably.

I've been a DIL too. I predict the angry DILs here will end up worse than their MILs. Take that to the bank.

When DILs move on, remove themselves they are no longer angry. Writing a couple of sentences here is not angry. Its simply part of the discussion. I no longer excuse rude MIL behaviour as normal. Younger women should understand they don't need to put up with that toxicity in their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily. Just like any other relation, DILs with difficult MILs rinse and repeat the toxicity while others vow to be different and never repeat hurtful behavior they endured. Obviously, a many others doesn’t base their new relations into their older one and start fresh and grow with the relation.

You may be right, but it's quite possible these toxic complainers will still be toxic complainers when they are MILs. Maybe they should practice tolerance, kindness, compassion now? Just a thought.

Quite possible but not every toxic relationship is reciprocal, sometimes good people get trapped with bad people. Half of the anger is rooted in husband/son’s inability to fairly balance both relations.

Inability which is placed there by the mother/MIL. The relationship is not healthy to start with. Guilt, manipulation etc are usually present. Hence the MIL is immature and carries that through her life.

No emotionally mature MIL tries to cause grief in her childs marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs can't win, basically.

I know right? It's like a never ending whine-fest, the pain and abuse these DILs endure.

I've been a MIL and I've had a MIL. I know a lot of MILs. Some are annoying, some are great. It really amazes me how much vitriol these DCUM DILs can muster up daily.

So you know women and some are annoying and some are great. True.

I didn't suffer pain long, I walked away early in the piece as did other family members. I will take wine to her grave later and dance on it though. It's great to let other women know they are not alone. If you don't have anything to add other than try to shame DIL's why are you even posting.

Of course you've been a MIL so the MIL's can't win. Win at what, the competition is all on their own. DIL's simply want to be left alone or treated normally. It's not that hard. If I end life acting and behaving like my MIL, I have failed miserably.

I've been a DIL too. I predict the angry DILs here will end up worse than their MILs. Take that to the bank.

When DILs move on, remove themselves they are no longer angry. Writing a couple of sentences here is not angry. Its simply part of the discussion. I no longer excuse rude MIL behaviour as normal. Younger women should understand they don't need to put up with that toxicity in their life.

+1. DCUM saved me thousands on therapy and setting strict boundaries helped me significantly. I rarely see my MIL in person now but our relationship is much better than it was 20 years ago. We have pleasant phone conversations every couple of months or so. We aren’t local. You don’t have to put up with the toxicity.

[Anonymous]

Mine desperately didn’t want her only son (only child) to get married. She insisted to him it was too soon, he was too young, and she wasn’t ready to grandkids. We’d been together 4 years, were in our 30s, and she was 60. The pained silence and then the sigh when we called to tell her we got engaged…