Am I the only one not crazy about the idea of a nanny?

[Anonymous]

We never wanted a nanny. Saw too many at the playground on my first maternity leave. Never comfortable with the lack of oversight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP about not liking people in your space. I don’t even like it when the house cleaners come. Yes i am aware this is the most first world thing I could write but here we are.

So much this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never wanted a nanny. Saw too many at the playground on my first maternity leave. Never comfortable with the lack of oversight.

How did you know they were nannies? Because they were Brown? If you saw our nanny in the park running and engaging my son you would assume she was his grandmother and not his nanny because nanny is white and older. If you saw my Costa Rican best friend with her blonde child, you would think she was the nanny (everyone does).

And, btw, I have only heard about the “lack of oversight” here and never in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In theory, having a nanny is fantastic and makes your life much easier. In practice it can be extremely difficult to find a good nanny. Every person I know with a nannies has to deal with at least one incompetent one before finding a decent one. And you usually have to compromise on many things that are important to you. The biggest issue is just general laziness. Playing on a phone is much more appealing than entertaining your kid, and with zero oversight, that’s often what happens. Babies propped in front of TVs or left ignored in cribs are not uncommon. A well regarded daycare is way less risky than a random nanny, but if you can get a personal recommendation for a nanny from someone you know, it’s the best way to find someone.

You have to hire intelligently and pay well. We got a great nanny the first time interviewing.

Some parents just want to pay for a warm body and that’s exactly what they get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are the things I never had to do while WFH with a great nanny:

- pump
- do baby laundry
- make homemade purées or ever use premise
- go through baby’s closet and drawers for off sized clothing
- disinfect a toy
- sleep train (nanny had a no cry approach that had my kids STTN at six months)
- miss a first step, first word, or first roll over
- miss one day of work because the baby was sick
- haul the baby out to the car on cold mornings

Seriously, OP, with a good nanny there is no downside. You’ll get used to them in the house. And it was just better for my kids because nanny keeps them engaged and learning as well as outside and socializing. And now that oldest is in preschool, nanny handles his holidays and sick days as well as all his chores.

This. If you’re worried about space, that’s a different issue. When you work from home, the child still has to come first and little kids are noisy.

[Anonymous]

OP there are a lot of nannies who post here who are very defensive. It’s okay to not be comfortable with a nanny. Many people aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP there are a lot of nannies who post here who are very defensive. It’s okay to not be comfortable with a nanny. Many people aren’t.

Jesus! And it’s okay to feel comfortable and appreciative of a nanny!

Who’s being defensive? If OP doesn’t have the room in her home she doesn’t have the room. But this defensive rejection of an entire profession due to the “park nanny” meme is ludicrous. If nannies are responding to that tired trope it’s understandable. It’s also racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never wanted a nanny. Saw too many at the playground on my first maternity leave. Never comfortable with the lack of oversight.

Which playground, PP? I see this complaint all the time here but have never seen rampant neglect from either nannies or mothers.

[Anonymous]

I’m home daycare is the best of both worlds to me - small and caring like a nanny, but not in my house. I work from home and manage a large team at work - I don’t want distractions and I don’t want another person to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are the things I never had to do while WFH with a great nanny:

- pump
- do baby laundry
- make homemade purées or ever use premise
- go through baby’s closet and drawers for off sized clothing
- disinfect a toy
- sleep train (nanny had a no cry approach that had my kids STTN at six months)
- miss a first step, first word, or first roll over
- miss one day of work because the baby was sick
- haul the baby out to the car on cold mornings

Seriously, OP, with a good nanny there is no downside. You’ll get used to them in the house. And it was just better for my kids because nanny keeps them engaged and learning as well as outside and socializing. And now that oldest is in preschool, nanny handles his holidays and sick days as well as all his chores.

This. If you’re worried about space, that’s a different issue. When you work from home, the child still has to come first and little kids are noisy.

Yeah I’m one of the PPs who never seriously considered a nanny and it’s definitely because I didn’t want my kid AND another adult in my small condo while I tried to work. I don’t like people in my space in general and the pandemic definitely taught me how unavoidable baby crying was when I’m trying to have a meeting even if I’m not the one doing the soothing. I’d only want a nanny in the context of a nanny share hosted solely by the other family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what is right for you and your kid - who cares what anyone else thinks (besides your partner)?

You don't need permission to do what works for you!

This. I had a great nanny and a not so great nanny. The great nanny was amazing. The flexibility was great, never having to worry what to do if there is snow day, if the kid has fever and needs to stay home, washing kid bottles, kid stuff, even a bit of kid food prep etc. All kid activities were taken care of. I traveled often for work also at the time, so the nanny provided us stability in terms of childcare routines. When youngest started preschool, nanny helped with more household tasks, folding laundry, cooking prep, etc. If you are managing as is, that’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the thoughtful posts! Lots to think about. We both work full time, my post may have been unclear. After the baby, both husband and I will be hybrid work - a few days in the office and a few days at home.
As I mentioned, money isn’t a factor but space may be - does everyone who had/votes for a nanny have a large house with a playroom, basement, etc.? We live in a 1300sf row house in the city. We have one full bathroom. Won’t we be on top of each other, even if the nanny is amazing?

OP, we had a fantastic experience with a nanny, but agree with you that it might be less than ideal in that scenario.

(Contrary to PP who thinks everyone on DCUM is wealthy, we could afford one only because our house was also 1300sf in a less desirable area. WFH + kids and nanny in a small space probably would not have been tenable for me.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three kids and never did a nanny. I didn’t want to manage an employee, phone use is more rampant than parents like to admit, and I didn’t want someone in my space (especially because I WAH a lot pre Covid).

Daycare was better for us. No regrets.

not crazy at all OP! so many families choose daycare over nanny for reasons like the above or a myriad of others. Do what's right for you!

[Anonymous]

No way! All you need to do is see the Nannie’s chatting with each other or disinterestedly keeping an eye on the kids at the playgrounds In McLean and DC, the worst are the au pairs. I couldn’t leave my children in the hands of others and had someone help with cleaning etc and rearranged my professional life so I could be there during that time. I don’t care how many hundreds of thousands you’re getting paid, it’s a hard pass from me to leave them with a nanny while that little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never wanted a nanny. Saw too many at the playground on my first maternity leave. Never comfortable with the lack of oversight.

How did you know they were nannies? Because they were Brown? If you saw our nanny in the park running and engaging my son you would assume she was his grandmother and not his nanny because nanny is white and older. If you saw my Costa Rican best friend with her blonde child, you would think she was the nanny (everyone does).

And, btw, I have only heard about the “lack of oversight” here and never in real life.

DP but come on. It is very easy to figure out who is a nanny. Sure, there might be certain situations where someone makes an assumption one way or another, but usually it's very obvious. And it's not just demographics, though yes, if I see a 50-something Dominican woman with a baby, I assume she's a nanny. Not because I'm racist but because I'm not an idiot. But also nannies have a way of doing things that makes it obvious. All the nannies in my neighborhood know each other. They help each other a little with each other's charges. Often at the playground, the nannies will get there around the same time (they arrange this in advance) and sit together and get their kids on the same schedule. Often they speak to each other in a non-English native language (and since I speak Spanish but they might not realize this, I can also listen to them gossip about their employers or their own families). If you are on mat leave or a SAHM and go to playgrounds, story times, music classes for babies, etc., you quickly learn to identify nannies. It's not rocket science.

Anyway, given that I am very good at spotting a nanny, I can tell you that the PP is not incorrect. Nannies engage in a LOT of benign neglect, generally. There are some exceptions -- I've met some nannies who really get down with the kids and play with them a lot and interact with them. But the average nanny in my neighborhood is not like this. Most of them are on their phone a lot or talking to there nannies. At playgrounds they do a lot of sitting with fellow nannies, or sitting on a bench on their phone, and encouraging the kids to play on their own. They do their jobs, don't get me wrong -- they make sure the kids get appropriately times snacks, they deal with playground altercations or injuries, they apply sunscreen and provide water, they check in on potty needs, etc. They don't neglect. But they aren't interacting with the kids that much. They definitely look to find schedules that allow for them to spend much of the day around other nannies with similar age kids so the kids can play together and the nannies can talk or use their phones or whatever. I'm sure they interact with their charges more at other times of the day (especially when at home and around their employers) but often I'd be around the same group of nannies for hours and hours (from a 9am story time through play time at a nearby playground, lunch at that playground, until we all took kids home for naps) and I'd be interacting with my child a LOT more during that time than they did. Not a judgment just an observation.

A lot of people prefer nannies because it's more convenient for the parents. You don't have to pack anything or even get your kid ready for the day. No commute. Nannies will often do some housework and food prep for the kid, which is amazing.

But sometimes I see people talking about how they value a nanny because it means more one-on-one interacting for their kid than they might get in daycare. That's definitely true for babies. But once they can walk, it's over. Your mobile child will probably get more direct oversight in a daycare than with a nanny, even with the much higher child to worker ratio. Because in a daycare, the workers are doing things all day. They schedule art projects, do schedules story times, etc. Daycare workers are never going to get away with spending hours a day on their phones while handing out snacks when necessary. They have to be much more hands on that that. If daycares operated the way most of the nannies in my neighborhood operate, with that degree of benign neglect, they'd probably get shut down.

That's why when my 1 year leave was over, my kid went to a (terrific, small, well-run) daycare instead of a nanny. I would hire a nanny for an infant in a heartbeat if I couldn't stay home with my baby -- my preference would be one-on-one, at-home care for a child until they can crawl very well and are interacting with their play space a lot. But by 1 year and definitely by 18 months, I think daycares make more sense, personally, and I really don't think the extra cost of a nanny makes sense except insofar as it's more convenient for parents. But not from a childcare perspective. Daycares are GREAT for toddlers.