"I'm a good mother."

[Anonymous]

Agree with you, OP (not that it matters in the long run) -- teach a man to fish...!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both of you are terrible moms because there was no bacon

This is the correct answer

Yep, this.

But for real, I wouldn’t have thought to care that she said she is good mom. Why do you care so much?

[Anonymous]

I am a big teach them how to fish mom but agree with the PP who says you are both just out thirsting each other for validation. You never know what another person is facing, live your life the best you can and have confidence in your choices and, I know its hard, but accept that just because someone chose differently than you might have, it doesn't mean your choice was bad. When you go to lunch with someone and order different things off the menu no one jumps all over the person they are with wondering why THEY ordered a salad instead of a burger because they did it as a personal recrimination to your burger. The same thing should really be true with parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like I’m failing at being a mother.

Many people tell me that I’m a good mother.

Odd to call yourself a good mother.

I always feel like I’m failing as a mother too. When someone I don’t respect like my MIL tells me I’m a good mother it makes me feel even worse because she says that about all the moms in her family no matter how negligent or ignorant. She says that about herself too when I know she’s done some pretty jacked up things. One time, a relative posted on Mother’s Day how her daughter was such a “good mom” and that triggered me badly. I know that this mom was a drug addict, lost custody of her own child, and a total mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a big teach them how to fish mom but agree with the PP who says you are both just out thirsting each other for validation. You never know what another person is facing, live your life the best you can and have confidence in your choices and, I know its hard, but accept that just because someone chose differently than you might have, it doesn't mean your choice was bad. When you go to lunch with someone and order different things off the menu no one jumps all over the person they are with wondering why THEY ordered a salad instead of a burger because they did it as a personal recrimination to your burger. The same thing should really be true with parenting.

THIS. Also, your kids making their own breakfast doesn't mean you never do anything for them, and this neighbor making breakfast for her kids doesn't mean they aren't learning to be self-sufficient. OMG, it's just breakfast. So even if you order a salad and it privately makes me feel a little bad about my burger, it's ONE LUNCH. It's not a big deal. It doesn't say much of anything about either of us.

I'm a SAHM and I still agree with PPs that the people in this story need jobs or hobbies or both. Life is too short for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like I’m failing at being a mother.

Many people tell me that I’m a good mother.

Odd to call yourself a good mother.

I always feel like I’m failing as a mother too. When someone I don’t respect like my MIL tells me I’m a good mother it makes me feel even worse because she says that about all the moms in her family no matter how negligent or ignorant. She says that about herself too when I know she’s done some pretty jacked up things. One time, a relative posted on Mother’s Day how her daughter was such a “good mom” and that triggered me badly. I know that this mom was a drug addict, lost custody of her own child, and a total mess.

I mean, the person probably posted that specifically because people know her daughter has a drug problem and lost custody, and wanted to support her daughter through what I'm sure is an absolutely awful time in her life. I'm not going to comment on whether the daughter is a good mother -- I'm sure she's not giving her child the life she hoped for and it's true that not every mom is great (my own mom was not great despite best efforts). But the person who posted it is actually being a good mom. Sometimes being a good mom is supporting your kid when everyone else has given up on them, seeing the best in them and their fullest potential when even they cannot see it. Sometimes the path to being a good mom starts with someone reassuring you "Hey, you are a good mom" because it helps you believe you can be.

This thread is basically about how moms often have a ton of self-doubt and probably most of us need a lot more validation than we are getting. And yet, for some reason, instead of supporting each other, we compete. Who does this serve? Not me.

I'm a good mom, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Both OP and her neighbor are vapid suburban broads who have no life other than discussing pancakes and ruminating about it for hours on end, on an anonymous board, no less. Pathetic.

I feel sorry for all of their children and I'm not being sarcastic here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like I’m failing at being a mother.

Many people tell me that I’m a good mother.

Odd to call yourself a good mother.

I always feel like I’m failing as a mother too. When someone I don’t respect like my MIL tells me I’m a good mother it makes me feel even worse because she says that about all the moms in her family no matter how negligent or ignorant. She says that about herself too when I know she’s done some pretty jacked up things. One time, a relative posted on Mother’s Day how her daughter was such a “good mom” and that triggered me badly. I know that this mom was a drug addict, lost custody of her own child, and a total mess.

Not to hijack this, but do most people do this? Either tell themselves they are a bad mother, or a good mother? Motherhood is basically the *only* aspect of my life where I do not do this comparison bs. Work, income, vacations, fitness - I am a constant monologue of self-criticism (though that has also gone down some with age). But not parenting. The reason being is that our kids are all so unique, and everyone has their own needs, and we all have limited resources (time being the most limited resource) - I really don't find myself judging myself (or others tbh). And things change, right ? I used to host great playdates and make daily fancy homemade meals when the kids were under 10. Now I spend all my non-work-time driving them to ECs and helping with hw and having mother-daughter chats about their tween/teen troubles.

And FWIW, my mom was an awesome mom. She worked 50 hrs/week and most of our vegetables came from the freezer or cans. She also never drove me to ECs or hosted playdates. This stuff doesn't matter. You are a good mom if your child goes to you with their problems and trusts you, and you encourage them to be hard working and kind.

[Anonymous]

if you are a good mother confident in yourself, then you do not need to voice it. True confidence is quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you are a good mother confident in yourself, then you do not need to voice it. True confidence is quiet.

I'm just picturing Tywin Lannister from Game of Thrones: "Any man who must say 'I am the king!' is not a true king"

[Anonymous]

Starting at age 4 or so, my kid made his own breakfast. Cup of milk in the fridge plus a bowl of cereal left with plastic wrap on the counter. He'd get up early on the weekends so this is how I got some sleep. I'm a single mom and I never got any break. Last weekend, he made beef bourguignon for dinner for us. He's 13 now and actually enjoys cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Starting at age 4 or so, my kid made his own breakfast. Cup of milk in the fridge plus a bowl of cereal left with plastic wrap on the counter. He'd get up early on the weekends so this is how I got some sleep. I'm a single mom and I never got any break. Last weekend, he made beef bourguignon for dinner for us. He's 13 now and actually enjoys cooking.

And this is why men raised by single moms are the best.

[Anonymous]

This reminds of people who say they “don’t like drama”. If you have to say it about yourself it isn’t true.

[Anonymous]

This is such a white women thing. Black women aren’t hung up on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting at age 4 or so, my kid made his own breakfast. Cup of milk in the fridge plus a bowl of cereal left with plastic wrap on the counter. He'd get up early on the weekends so this is how I got some sleep. I'm a single mom and I never got any break. Last weekend, he made beef bourguignon for dinner for us. He's 13 now and actually enjoys cooking.

And this is why men raised by single moms are the best.

WMs too. Both my brother and my sons know how to cook and do laundry. My brother is in Europe and SAH with his son for a year and did everything.