"I'm a good mother."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, let me get this straight.

OP, you had a conversation this morning with a neighbor that just happened to land on "what our kids ate for breakfast this morning." Interesting (or not, actually). And then you shared that your kids had prepared a healthy meal that requires some skill. Okay, cool, but I'm betting you would NOT have shared this information if your kids had, say, poured themselves bowls of cereal or helped themselves to Nutrigrain bars, right?

You were bragging. Listen, I'm not criticizing -- I might also brag about my kid cooking themselves a healthy meal, that's a big parenting win. But you weren't saying this to your neighbor because it's such a fascinating topic of conversation. You were sharing it because you felt good about it and wanted to share. In other words: you wanted validation.

But your neighbor is a person and not a slot machine, so when you bragged about your kids' healthy breakfast, she had a knee jerk moment of insecurity (should my kids be cooking for themselves? do they get enough fruit in their diet?) and reassured herself "I'm a good mom because I cook my kids breakfast for them, and that's something a loving mom would do."

But wait! That wasn't the end of it. Because how did you respond to this? By thinking to yourself "Well I think having raised kids who prepare meals for themselves make ME a good mom." Notice that your neighbor never said you weren't. She was just asserting, probably for herself as much as anyone, that she is a good mom. You can both be good moms! In different ways, even!

And then you came to DCUM to share this story so you and PPs could criticize her for needing validation and being insecure. But... aren't you also being insecure in giving this interaction a second's thought? Why did it bother you that she called herself a good mom? Why do you need strangers on the internet to agree she shouldn't have said that, or it says something bad about her? Aren't you bing every bit as demanding of reassurance as you are implying your neighbor is?

This here is a bottomless bit of judgment and recrimination ladies. Turtles all the way down, as they say.

+1. I recommend jobs and hobbies for both of you, and some Xanax to share in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A neighbor who just moved here over the summer said this to me this morning. We ran into each other outside and were talking, and wound up chatting about what our kids eat for breakfast on weekends. I said mine made banana coconut pancakes and had fruit on the side. She told me she always makes her kids breakfast because "I'm a good mother." This is not the first time she's said something that makes me think she's wildly insecure. I think having kids who know how to make food they like makes ME a good mom.

I can't tell if this neighbor thinks she's in competition with me for who's the best mother or she worries she's not a good one so seeks out proof she is. We each have ten year olds and she asked if I read to mine. I said I don't, because she prefers to read on her own, and she told me she's a good mom who reads to hers every night. But I think I'm a good mom for respecting what my kid wants and letting them enjoy downtime.

It's so bizarre and getting to the point where I don't want to engage with her in conversation. Okay, rant over.

Those pancakes sound wonderful. I'll be delighted to have your kids make their pancakes for me. A mother's job is to teach their children independence and how to do things for themselves. You're doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, let me get this straight.

OP, you had a conversation this morning with a neighbor that just happened to land on "what our kids ate for breakfast this morning." Interesting (or not, actually). And then you shared that your kids had prepared a healthy meal that requires some skill. Okay, cool, but I'm betting you would NOT have shared this information if your kids had, say, poured themselves bowls of cereal or helped themselves to Nutrigrain bars, right?

You were bragging. Listen, I'm not criticizing -- I might also brag about my kid cooking themselves a healthy meal, that's a big parenting win. But you weren't saying this to your neighbor because it's such a fascinating topic of conversation. You were sharing it because you felt good about it and wanted to share. In other words: you wanted validation.

But your neighbor is a person and not a slot machine, so when you bragged about your kids' healthy breakfast, she had a knee jerk moment of insecurity (should my kids be cooking for themselves? do they get enough fruit in their diet?) and reassured herself "I'm a good mom because I cook my kids breakfast for them, and that's something a loving mom would do."

But wait! That wasn't the end of it. Because how did you respond to this? By thinking to yourself "Well I think having raised kids who prepare meals for themselves make ME a good mom." Notice that your neighbor never said you weren't. She was just asserting, probably for herself as much as anyone, that she is a good mom. You can both be good moms! In different ways, even!

And then you came to DCUM to share this story so you and PPs could criticize her for needing validation and being insecure. But... aren't you also being insecure in giving this interaction a second's thought? Why did it bother you that she called herself a good mom? Why do you need strangers on the internet to agree she shouldn't have said that, or it says something bad about her? Aren't you bing every bit as demanding of reassurance as you are implying your neighbor is?

This here is a bottomless bit of judgment and recrimination ladies. Turtles all the way down, as they say.

Mic drop. Who are you, PP. I want to go out for drinks with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, let me get this straight.

OP, you had a conversation this morning with a neighbor that just happened to land on "what our kids ate for breakfast this morning." Interesting (or not, actually). And then you shared that your kids had prepared a healthy meal that requires some skill. Okay, cool, but I'm betting you would NOT have shared this information if your kids had, say, poured themselves bowls of cereal or helped themselves to Nutrigrain bars, right?

You were bragging. Listen, I'm not criticizing -- I might also brag about my kid cooking themselves a healthy meal, that's a big parenting win. But you weren't saying this to your neighbor because it's such a fascinating topic of conversation. You were sharing it because you felt good about it and wanted to share. In other words: you wanted validation.

But your neighbor is a person and not a slot machine, so when you bragged about your kids' healthy breakfast, she had a knee jerk moment of insecurity (should my kids be cooking for themselves? do they get enough fruit in their diet?) and reassured herself "I'm a good mom because I cook my kids breakfast for them, and that's something a loving mom would do."

But wait! That wasn't the end of it. Because how did you respond to this? By thinking to yourself "Well I think having raised kids who prepare meals for themselves make ME a good mom." Notice that your neighbor never said you weren't. She was just asserting, probably for herself as much as anyone, that she is a good mom. You can both be good moms! In different ways, even!

And then you came to DCUM to share this story so you and PPs could criticize her for needing validation and being insecure. But... aren't you also being insecure in giving this interaction a second's thought? Why did it bother you that she called herself a good mom? Why do you need strangers on the internet to agree she shouldn't have said that, or it says something bad about her? Aren't you bing every bit as demanding of reassurance as you are implying your neighbor is?

This here is a bottomless bit of judgment and recrimination ladies. Turtles all the way down, as they say.

OP here. I explained what my kids made for breakfast after she told me she made her kids eggs, waffles and fresh squeezed juice. And my kids are 8, 10 and 12 - it doesn't seem impressive to me for them to be able to make pancakes. I'm just going to scale back on conversations with her - I don't compete with people. I'm not bothered she called herself a good mom today, but she seems to say it every time we talk. She always asks what my kids are doing or I'm doing for them and finds a way to one-up. I don't need this.

Thanks for confirming what PP nailed so perfectly. You might want to read it again.

[Anonymous]

Who tf makes fresh squeezed juice

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think she is better mom than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who says this. Her kids are in trouble, in more ways than one. She doesn’t discipline or hold them accountable. She is not a good mother. Women who ARE good mothers do the work quietly, and they don’t need to vocalize it or seek affirmation from others.

I don't necessarily disagree about having confidence but something about how incredibly mysongynistic this is cracked me up -- like "good girts shut up and are quiet"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think she is better mom than you.

Marginally better, still too much sugar with the OJ, but at least some protein and fat with the eggs.

[Anonymous]

Both of you are terrible moms because there was no bacon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of you are terrible moms because there was no bacon

This is the correct answer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, let me get this straight.

OP, you had a conversation this morning with a neighbor that just happened to land on "what our kids ate for breakfast this morning." Interesting (or not, actually). And then you shared that your kids had prepared a healthy meal that requires some skill. Okay, cool, but I'm betting you would NOT have shared this information if your kids had, say, poured themselves bowls of cereal or helped themselves to Nutrigrain bars, right?

You were bragging. Listen, I'm not criticizing -- I might also brag about my kid cooking themselves a healthy meal, that's a big parenting win. But you weren't saying this to your neighbor because it's such a fascinating topic of conversation. You were sharing it because you felt good about it and wanted to share. In other words: you wanted validation.

But your neighbor is a person and not a slot machine, so when you bragged about your kids' healthy breakfast, she had a knee jerk moment of insecurity (should my kids be cooking for themselves? do they get enough fruit in their diet?) and reassured herself "I'm a good mom because I cook my kids breakfast for them, and that's something a loving mom would do."

But wait! That wasn't the end of it. Because how did you respond to this? By thinking to yourself "Well I think having raised kids who prepare meals for themselves make ME a good mom." Notice that your neighbor never said you weren't. She was just asserting, probably for herself as much as anyone, that she is a good mom. You can both be good moms! In different ways, even!

And then you came to DCUM to share this story so you and PPs could criticize her for needing validation and being insecure. But... aren't you also being insecure in giving this interaction a second's thought? Why did it bother you that she called herself a good mom? Why do you need strangers on the internet to agree she shouldn't have said that, or it says something bad about her? Aren't you bing every bit as demanding of reassurance as you are implying your neighbor is?


This here is a bottomless bit of judgment and recrimination ladies. Turtles all the way down, as they say.

Here's the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you both feel you have a lot to prove to eachother. Next time just say ‘pancakes.’

Yup. OP sounds like she wants validation from DCUM that she is a good mom bc she lets her kids make stuff they want.

[Anonymous]

I always feel like I’m failing at being a mother.

Many people tell me that I’m a good mother.

Odd to call yourself a good mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who tf makes fresh squeezed juice

This seems like a convo between two bored SAHMs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you both feel you have a lot to prove to eachother. Next time just say ‘pancakes.’

+1

Too funny. I thought the exact same thing.