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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I always feel like I’m failing at being a mother.

Many people tell me that I’m a good mother.

Odd to call yourself a good mother.[/quote]

I always feel like I’m failing as a mother too. When someone I don’t respect like my MIL tells me I’m a good mother it makes me feel even worse because she says that about all the moms in her family no matter how negligent or ignorant. She says that about herself too when I know she’s done some pretty jacked up things. One time, a relative posted on Mother’s Day how her daughter was such a “good mom” and that triggered me badly. I know that this mom was a drug addict, lost custody of her own child, and a total mess.[/quote]

Not to hijack this, but do most people do this? Either tell themselves they are a bad mother, or a good mother? Motherhood is basically the *only* aspect of my life where I do not do this comparison bs. Work, income, vacations, fitness - I am a constant monologue of self-criticism (though that has also gone down some with age). But not parenting. The reason being is that our kids are all so unique, and everyone has their own needs, and we all have limited resources (time being the most limited resource) - I really don't find myself judging myself (or others tbh). And things change, right ? I used to host great playdates and make daily fancy homemade meals when the kids were under 10. Now I spend all my non-work-time driving them to ECs and helping with hw and having mother-daughter chats about their tween/teen troubles.

And FWIW, my mom was an awesome mom. She worked 50 hrs/week and most of our vegetables came from the freezer or cans. She also never drove me to ECs or hosted playdates. This stuff doesn't matter. You are a good mom if your child goes to you with their problems and trusts you, and you encourage them to be hard working and kind.  [/quote]

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