Ex-husbands who cheated during the marriage

[Anonymous]

^ and why the AP expects to be treated better than the wife before her….while she was screwing this guy while he was married to that woman.

JFC. When it happens them it’s heart breaking and wrong, but when they are the one in the affair they have no thought or empathy for the wife.

Screw them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m more compatible with my former Ex-wife of 20 years than current wife.

We had the same sense of humor and interests and still will laugh like crazy. She is also very intelligent and I enjoy conversations.

No what you're doing is affecting your current wife's attitude toward you. If my spouse was still doing that stuff with his ex I would grow to hate him. Yes he wouldn't like my personality at that point. What you are doing is self defeating behavior. Instead of putting 100% into your marriage you messed it up. You should have cut your ex out of your life after the divorce.
Also, you aren't married to her and if you were you'd once again have the same problems. Grow up Mr.

Well- she is the woman I had the affair with so if I had taken that advice I wouldn’t have left my first wife. Unfortunately I was an idiot and regret it deeply. People are right when they say that it’s limerence that makes you do stupid things and it cools off quickly once real life sets in.

Got it but that ship has sailed. Move on and put everything into your current marriage. You did agree to marry her, so time to cut off the one who is now your ex. Your ex is probably laughing and playing you both knowing what it's done to you, and your current relationship. My BIL cheated on his wife of 25 years, she divorced him. He didn't want to be alone and moved in with the OW. Now it's been many years and he's still miserable. He does the same thing you do, and his gf of course has anger he still talks and sees his wife. Everyone has told him to move on, and yes the ex and the kids play him because they still have anger.

Yup. Blew up two families, now have to lay in the messy bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remarried and sometimes still sleep with my ex-wife.

If I had my way, I would still be married to her. She is the love of my life.

Since she wouldn’t take me back, I settled.

She sees no contradiction in doing this after divorcing you for cheating?

We weren’t married, but I did this with a boyfriend in college. He cheated on me for a long time before I knew anything. He finally broke up with me to concentrate on the other woman, but after a couple of months he started cheating on her with me.

Normally, I wouldn’t go near a guy with a girlfriend, but I made an exception in this case. I figured, she was okay with knowing he was cheating on me, she must not care if he was cheating on her with me.

A friend of mine who knew the other woman recently told me that she thinks that the other woman never knew that he was cheating on her with me, which I actually find kind of annoying. I thought at the time that I would like it if she knew so she would know how I felt. I also thought that she should have expected him to cheat on her because she was aware that he had a girlfriend he was cheating on when he was with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m more compatible with my former Ex-wife of 20 years than current wife.

We had the same sense of humor and interests and still will laugh like crazy. She is also very intelligent and I enjoy conversations.

No what you're doing is affecting your current wife's attitude toward you. If my spouse was still doing that stuff with his ex I would grow to hate him. Yes he wouldn't like my personality at that point. What you are doing is self defeating behavior. Instead of putting 100% into your marriage you messed it up. You should have cut your ex out of your life after the divorce.
Also, you aren't married to her and if you were you'd once again have the same problems. Grow up Mr.

Well- she is the woman I had the affair with so if I had taken that advice I wouldn’t have left my first wife. Unfortunately I was an idiot and regret it deeply. People are right when they say that it’s limerence that makes you do stupid things and it cools off quickly once real life sets in.

Got it but that ship has sailed. Move on and put everything into your current marriage. You did agree to marry her, so time to cut off the one who is now your ex. Your ex is probably laughing and playing you both knowing what it's done to you, and your current relationship. My BIL cheated on his wife of 25 years, she divorced him. He didn't want to be alone and moved in with the OW. Now it's been many years and he's still miserable. He does the same thing you do, and his gf of course has anger he still talks and sees his wife. Everyone has told him to move on, and yes the ex and the kids play him because they still have anger.

Or maybe, just maybe, they still love him. It's a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m more compatible with my former Ex-wife of 20 years than current wife.

We had the same sense of humor and interests and still will laugh like crazy. She is also very intelligent and I enjoy conversations.

No what you're doing is affecting your current wife's attitude toward you. If my spouse was still doing that stuff with his ex I would grow to hate him. Yes he wouldn't like my personality at that point. What you are doing is self defeating behavior. Instead of putting 100% into your marriage you messed it up. You should have cut your ex out of your life after the divorce.
Also, you aren't married to her and if you were you'd once again have the same problems. Grow up Mr.

Well- she is the woman I had the affair with so if I had taken that advice I wouldn’t have left my first wife. Unfortunately I was an idiot and regret it deeply. People are right when they say that it’s limerence that makes you do stupid things and it cools off quickly once real life sets in.

Sounds like my ex-husband only he didn't marry OW. He seems to have plenty regrets now years after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a lot of these men had a midlife affair without thinking of the consequences, severely underestimating the consequences/blow up it would cause or thinking they would never get caught. They now look back realizing they ended up with a fellow cheater/trash and left a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remarried and sometimes still sleep with my ex-wife.

If I had my way, I would still be married to her. She is the love of my life.

Since she wouldn’t take me back, I settled.

This makes me laugh. Power dynamic switched.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure my cheating ex husband thinks we are friends, because he has no idea what it means to be a friend to someone. Friends are trustworthy, honest, can be supportive and can think of the other person’s needs. ExDH has none of these qualities.

I am friends with my Ex like I’m friends with that creepy guy at the office who keeps hitting on me but I’m too scared to report to HR because he has the power to retaliate and make my work life a mess. I am polite to my ex. I pretend to be interested in his thoughts. I am careful not to let him know anything about myself. I try to focus our conversation strictly on work (i.e. the kids), and I try to get him to do his fair share of the work while at the same time being prepared at any moment that he will do something to screw me.

He is not my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure my cheating ex husband thinks we are friends, because he has no idea what it means to be a friend to someone. Friends are trustworthy, honest, can be supportive and can think of the other person’s needs. ExDH has none of these qualities.

I am friends with my Ex like I’m friends with that creepy guy at the office who keeps hitting on me but I’m too scared to report to HR because he has the power to retaliate and make my work life a mess. I am polite to my ex. I pretend to be interested in his thoughts. I am careful not to let him know anything about myself. I try to focus our conversation strictly on work (i.e. the kids), and I try to get him to do his fair share of the work while at the same time being prepared at any moment that he will do something to screw me.

He is not my friend.

I feel for you. I would hate to have to pretend to care about him or his thoughts. Standing there and listen to him and pretend to care is misery and I would be thinking this is such a waste of my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m more compatible with my former Ex-wife of 20 years than current wife.

We had the same sense of humor and interests and still will laugh like crazy. She is also very intelligent and I enjoy conversations.

No what you're doing is affecting your current wife's attitude toward you. If my spouse was still doing that stuff with his ex I would grow to hate him. Yes he wouldn't like my personality at that point. What you are doing is self defeating behavior. Instead of putting 100% into your marriage you messed it up. You should have cut your ex out of your life after the divorce.
Also, you aren't married to her and if you were you'd once again have the same problems. Grow up Mr.

Oh the sweet irony. This is exactly what happens to the marriage during an affair. The person having the affair becomes a complete jerk and no longer gives anything to the marital relationship.

He's one of those people that idealizes the one he's NOT with.

Grass is greener syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m more compatible with my former Ex-wife of 20 years than current wife.

We had the same sense of humor and interests and still will laugh like crazy. She is also very intelligent and I enjoy conversations.

No what you're doing is affecting your current wife's attitude toward you. If my spouse was still doing that stuff with his ex I would grow to hate him. Yes he wouldn't like my personality at that point. What you are doing is self defeating behavior. Instead of putting 100% into your marriage you messed it up. You should have cut your ex out of your life after the divorce.
Also, you aren't married to her and if you were you'd once again have the same problems. Grow up Mr.

Well- she is the woman I had the affair with so if I had taken that advice I wouldn’t have left my first wife. Unfortunately I was an idiot and regret it deeply. People are right when they say that it’s limerence that makes you do stupid things and it cools off quickly once real life sets in.

Got it but that ship has sailed. Move on and put everything into your current marriage. You did agree to marry her, so time to cut off the one who is now your ex. Your ex is probably laughing and playing you both knowing what it's done to you, and your current relationship. My BIL cheated on his wife of 25 years, she divorced him. He didn't want to be alone and moved in with the OW. Now it's been many years and he's still miserable. He does the same thing you do, and his gf of course has anger he still talks and sees his wife. Everyone has told him to move on, and yes the ex and the kids play him because they still have anger.

Waaaaaahhhhh, crying here . Maybe the gf will realize a cheater doesn’t make a great life partner.

Yep I agree. The current gf has rheaped what she sowed along with her bf!

Misery loves company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remarried and sometimes still sleep with my ex-wife.

If I had my way, I would still be married to her. She is the love of my life.

Since she wouldn’t take me back, I settled.

She sees no contradiction in doing this after divorcing you for cheating?

We weren’t married, but I did this with a boyfriend in college. He cheated on me for a long time before I knew anything. He finally broke up with me to concentrate on the other woman, but after a couple of months he started cheating on her with me.

Normally, I wouldn’t go near a guy with a girlfriend, but I made an exception in this case. I figured, she was okay with knowing he was cheating on me, she must not care if he was cheating on her with me.

A friend of mine who knew the other woman recently told me that she thinks that the other woman never knew that he was cheating on her with me, which I actually find kind of annoying. I thought at the time that I would like it if she knew so she would know how I felt. I also thought that she should have expected him to cheat on her because she was aware that he had a girlfriend he was cheating on when he was with her.

DP. How do you know she was aware he had a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remarried and sometimes still sleep with my ex-wife.

If I had my way, I would still be married to her. She is the love of my life.

Since she wouldn’t take me back, I settled.

This makes me laugh. Power dynamic switched.

This reminds me of a line in Ghost of Girlfriends Past. The one that cares the least has the most power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m more compatible with my former Ex-wife of 20 years than current wife.

We had the same sense of humor and interests and still will laugh like crazy. She is also very intelligent and I enjoy conversations.

No what you're doing is affecting your current wife's attitude toward you. If my spouse was still doing that stuff with his ex I would grow to hate him. Yes he wouldn't like my personality at that point. What you are doing is self defeating behavior. Instead of putting 100% into your marriage you messed it up. You should have cut your ex out of your life after the divorce.
Also, you aren't married to her and if you were you'd once again have the same problems. Grow up Mr.

Oh the sweet irony. This is exactly what happens to the marriage during an affair. The person having the affair becomes a complete jerk and no longer gives anything to the marital relationship.

He's one of those people that idealizes the one he's NOT with.

Grass is greener syndrome.

DP. I didn’t think it was greener. I was just an idiot thinking I could have my cake and eat it too with nobody finding out. Person was not someone I ever had any intention of anything more or losing my wife/kids over. Good in small, infrequent doses. I thought I wouldn’t get caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remarried and sometimes still sleep with my ex-wife.

If I had my way, I would still be married to her. She is the love of my life.

Since she wouldn’t take me back, I settled.

She sees no contradiction in doing this after divorcing you for cheating?

We weren’t married, but I did this with a boyfriend in college. He cheated on me for a long time before I knew anything. He finally broke up with me to concentrate on the other woman, but after a couple of months he started cheating on her with me.

Normally, I wouldn’t go near a guy with a girlfriend, but I made an exception in this case. I figured, she was okay with knowing he was cheating on me, she must not care if he was cheating on her with me.

A friend of mine who knew the other woman recently told me that she thinks that the other woman never knew that he was cheating on her with me, which I actually find kind of annoying. I thought at the time that I would like it if she knew so she would know how I felt. I also thought that she should have expected him to cheat on her because she was aware that he had a girlfriend he was cheating on when he was with her.

DP. How do you know she was aware he had a girlfriend?

He told me she knew. He was doing summer coursework at her school, so he didn’t know her before that summer. They were part of a group doing a project together and he said he talked about his girlfriend back at his regular school. Another friend of ours was working on the same project and confirmed that she knew he had a girlfriend and that she was the one who pursued him. Obviously, he was the one at fault for cheating, but I still think it’s wrong to pursue someone who is already in a relationship.

Long in the past, of course, but this topic reminded me of that time in my life.