How to address family with different last names on holiday card?

[Anonymous]

A few options for the envelope:

You could always write out everyone’s name. Obviously this is pretty burdensome if there are kids in the mix. Most people choose one of the following:

Smith Jones

Smith Jones family

Larla Smith and family

[Anonymous]

Smith Jones family or just get over yourself bc you are the Jones family. No one else in your family has Smith, and unfortunately our society has no good way of doing names that does not reinforce the patriarchy. You, yourself, even gave in and named your kids after their dad only. So, while it's great to keep your maiden name, asserting it on the Xmas card is unnecessary. No one will forget you are a strong, independent woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too much drama. My brother in law (wife’s brother) has a kooky wife who hyphenated her last name. Think

John Smith and Ann Smith-Jones.

What did I do with that? I just written the Smith Family in envelope and first names inside

The only take-away from this anecdote is that you are an asshole who hates his wife's brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smith Jones family or just get over yourself bc you are the Jones family. No one else in your family has Smith, and unfortunately our society has no good way of doing names that does not reinforce the patriarchy. You, yourself, even gave in and named your kids after their dad only. So, while it's great to keep your maiden name, asserting it on the Xmas card is unnecessary. No one will forget you are a strong, independent woman.

You know, I kind of felt the same way as you and didn’t give it a second thought. Then my gay BIL got married and suddenly nobody in the family had any problems writing out both partners last names on cards and invitations.

It’s misogyny, pure and simple.

If you’re so irritated with your friend’s name, then I suggest you solve this problem by simply not sending her a card. Respecting someone’s name is as basic as it gets. If you can’t do that, then you’re not actually friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smith Jones family or just get over yourself bc you are the Jones family. No one else in your family has Smith, and unfortunately our society has no good way of doing names that does not reinforce the patriarchy. You, yourself, even gave in and named your kids after their dad only. So, while it's great to keep your maiden name, asserting it on the Xmas card is unnecessary. No one will forget you are a strong, independent woman.

But this is all factually untrue. We are not the "Jones Family" because at least one person in our household is not named Jones.

And there is a "good way of doing names that does not reinforce the patriarchy". Many of those options have been listed on this thread: Jones/Smith is one perfectly fine one. Why is this difficult for people and why do they have some much anger about the rational, egalitarian choices made by others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smith Jones family or just get over yourself bc you are the Jones family. No one else in your family has Smith, and unfortunately our society has no good way of doing names that does not reinforce the patriarchy. You, yourself, even gave in and named your kids after their dad only. So, while it's great to keep your maiden name, asserting it on the Xmas card is unnecessary. No one will forget you are a strong, independent woman.

You know, I kind of felt the same way as you and didn’t give it a second thought. Then my gay BIL got married and suddenly nobody in the family had any problems writing out both partners last names on cards and invitations.

It’s misogyny, pure and simple.

If you’re so irritated with your friend’s name, then I suggest you solve this problem by simply not sending her a card. Respecting someone’s name is as basic as it gets. If you can’t do that, then you’re not actually friends.

This is a great post and response to the previous jerk.

[Anonymous]

I kept my maiden name and my kids have my husband's last name. We usually get Husband's Last Name Family. It's fine with me!

[Anonymous]

I am one Smith with three Joneses (husband and two kids). I sign Smith-Jones Family. I put my name first.

[Anonymous]

This again? It’s really not that deep unless you are really formal and/or recipients are formal.
Smith/Jones Family
Smith-Jones Family.
Jane Smith and John Jones and Family.

I swear these threads are started by people who are “against” hyphenation or women keeping their names to try to show what a hassle it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smith Jones family or just get over yourself bc you are the Jones family. No one else in your family has Smith, and unfortunately our society has no good way of doing names that does not reinforce the patriarchy. You, yourself, even gave in and named your kids after their dad only. So, while it's great to keep your maiden name, asserting it on the Xmas card is unnecessary. No one will forget you are a strong, independent woman.

But this is all factually untrue. We are not the "Jones Family" because at least one person in our household is not named Jones.

And there is a "good way of doing names that does not reinforce the patriarchy". Many of those options have been listed on this thread: Jones/Smith is one perfectly fine one. Why is this difficult for people and why do they have some much anger about the rational, egalitarian choices made by others?

I meant doing names as in naming one's children. I did not mean writing names on a card. The kids are named after the father. Who cares about the card? Asserting your maiden name on the card will not cause it to survive past your death--you have already submitted to our system.

[Anonymous]

^^I am PP who people think is a jerk. Yes, on other people's cards I do include the mom's name if I know she has not changed it. I am definitely not losing sleep over it and feel like when tremendous effort has been made by a card sender/creator to assert the mom's name as well, it just feels a little dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do "The Smith/Jones Family". We also do "Jane Smith and Family" if we really only one adult in the family and know they have different last names.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^I am PP who people think is a jerk. Yes, on other people's cards I do include the mom's name if I know she has not changed it. I am definitely not losing sleep over it and feel like when tremendous effort has been made by a card sender/creator to assert the mom's name as well, it just feels a little dramatic.

Please tell us how you deduce that "tremendous effort has been made ... to assert the mom's name as well"!!??!

You mean, she had the carping audacity to put her OWN name alongside her DH's on the cards that statistically speaking, she put 100% of the effort into designing, ordering, and mailing out??

[Anonymous]

I'm reasoned enough to know the intents are never passive-aggressive or deliberately ignorant so I really don't care how the cards are addressed.

I have a sister who remarried while having custody of her children from the first marriage. The mother, stepfather and kids have different last names, all in one house.

I just send the cards and invitations to their house addressed to my sister and her second husband and inside the cards just write "Merry Christmas, everyone!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different last name than DH, kids have my last name as middle and his as last. Any of these options are fine, and personally I couldn't care less if people addressed us as "The DHlastname Family." I also don't care if people who don't know call me Mrs. DHlastname. My husband has also gotten Mr. Mylastname It really doesn't matter!

+1