Is there a polite way to tell waiter/waitress you want zero small talk?

[Anonymous]

Unless the server is talking to you for many minutes at a time, why not be kind and have a brief conversation? It's the norm in the south. We always talk with our servers. I know their names, their kids' names, where their kids go to school, where their husband's work.... It's just part of being human. I really miss that when we are in DC/NOVA. I think that's one of the biggest negatives about living here. Everyone is always in a hurry. There is no time for kindness.

The COVID excuse is ridiculous. You chose to eat at a restaurant. You aren't that worried about COVID.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one that thinks Covid-19 is a valid concern for avoiding conversation? Especially if you're not on top of other tables at a restaurant, the only random person you're in immediate contact with is the server. I can't stand prodding servers, just take our order and we'll give you 20%. Leave us the hell alone, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that thinks Covid-19 is a valid concern for avoiding conversation? Especially if you're not on top of other tables at a restaurant, the only random person you're in immediate contact with is the server. I can't stand prodding servers, just take our order and we'll give you 20%. Leave us the hell alone, please.

I don't know you but - it sounds like you actually think this all of the time, not just because of Covid?

Some people don't want to talk to "the help", and humanize them, so maybe you are of that ilk, IDK. I think if I am ok with someone serving me from a Covid perspective adding in the polite chat is not really changing the Covid equation in any significant way. I am an introvert so don't really love chatting with "strangers" but also realize it is a social equation and have no problem holding up my end of things. I do not think I am too good to talk to the server.

[Anonymous]

You lean in towards each other, put on grave faces and talk as if you were arranging a funeral, or the new secret service tunnel out of the White House to shuttle Bumble 1 to safety in case of crisis.

When the waiter comes, you turn your head and look at him for a second before answering briefly and slightly off-topic, as if you were so deeply immersed you needed to refocus on the world around you.

They'll get the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless the server is talking to you for many minutes at a time, why not be kind and have a brief conversation? It's the norm in the south. We always talk with our servers. I know their names, their kids' names, where their kids go to school, where their husband's work.... It's just part of being human. I really miss that when we are in DC/NOVA. I think that's one of the biggest negatives about living here. Everyone is always in a hurry. There is no time for kindness.

The COVID excuse is ridiculous. You chose to eat at a restaurant. You aren't that worried about COVID.

For those of us who live in large cities and don't just roll between the Red Lobster and the Arbie's, that would not be possible. Your life must be so boring, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that thinks Covid-19 is a valid concern for avoiding conversation? Especially if you're not on top of other tables at a restaurant, the only random person you're in immediate contact with is the server. I can't stand prodding servers, just take our order and we'll give you 20%. Leave us the hell alone, please.

No, you aren’t the only one. Whether it actually is a valid concern for avoiding conversation once you have decided to sit inside a restaurant and consume food and drink with your mask off? That’s just the excuse you are using to avoid conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way to actually say this without being rude.

Not true. I was a waitress. Just say something like “hey we totally appreciate it but we’re here to discuss something important. We’re definitely not trying to be rude we just have to manage our time and we will tip 20% minimum. We just have to focus our conversation on each other. We will wave you down if we need you”

That's fairly verbose and I would feel really awkward saying all of that.

I waited tables on and off for a total of 10 years and this is actually appropriate and helpful. Not everyone is great at non-verbal communication. Part of being a server is reading people but with masks on and lots of people not having a lot of social interaction wires can get crossed. Some people want to be chatted with- that is a LOT easier to discern compared to someone being polite but out of social weirdness interacting, but then being upset that the server is interacting, etc.

Dont continue to make eye contact, smile but keep it brief and make things accessible. For example, if you want your coffee or water filled place it to the side that a server can reach without interrupting. If you no longer want refills, place the glass far away from you. Twiddling with the straw or having the glass right underneath you but its half empty is annoying, especially if youve made it clear that you dont want interruptions. Like are you fiddling because you want to drink it but are afraid that I wont fill it in time so you are conserving it or are you fiddling to draw attention to your drink.

If you want a dish removed, place your knife and fork parallel on the plate. Its even more helpful if all the silverware from your setting is on your plate- that makes it abundantly clear. If they dont pick up that signal, then move the plate slightly to the open side of the table, especially if it is the right side. Booths are much harder to remove from the right because there is no access so that's why I suggest moving to the open side.

If you want no interaction you have to do a bit of work yourself because servers will avoid your table and then IME people are done with their conversation and are in a hurry to leave. A server can do 90% of the job without talking with you as long as you send clear signals and throw out an assist on certain parts of the process. Done with ordering put your menus down and stop looking at them. Ask for the check- have your card ready. Not all servers but most are trained that if a table is sitting for awhile to have the check printed out so that it is ready.

[Anonymous]

Covid and a chatty waiter are two different things. If you are going out to eat, you accept the risks for covid. They are touching your food and drinks. Stop blaming covid.

Just say thanks, we appreciate everything, are all set and will get your attention if we need something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that thinks Covid-19 is a valid concern for avoiding conversation? Especially if you're not on top of other tables at a restaurant, the only random person you're in immediate contact with is the server. I can't stand prodding servers, just take our order and we'll give you 20%. Leave us the hell alone, please.

No, you aren’t the only one. Whether it actually is a valid concern for avoiding conversation once you have decided to sit inside a restaurant and consume food and drink with your mask off? That’s just the excuse you are using to avoid conversation.

This, seriously. You aren't worried about covid if you are eating indoors masks off.

[Anonymous]

We have never had any issue with chatty waiters because of the way my DH orders. My DH is great in ordering food. In our favorite restaurants, he will order everything at the same time - appetizers, drinks, entrees, coffee and desserts, telling the waiter when he wants the different courses brought to the table. He will say something once entrees are brought to the table "Thank you, this looks really great. We are all set here and will appreciate if you can bring the check along with the desserts and coffee. If we need something else we will flag you."

They know us there. There is no small talk but the waiters are very attentive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you “grabbed” brunch, what did you do with it?

My thoughts exactly. I dont know why people started using this word for food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that thinks Covid-19 is a valid concern for avoiding conversation? Especially if you're not on top of other tables at a restaurant, the only random person you're in immediate contact with is the server. I can't stand prodding servers, just take our order and we'll give you 20%. Leave us the hell alone, please.

I mean honestly why not get takeout?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have never had any issue with chatty waiters because of the way my DH orders. My DH is great in ordering food. In our favorite restaurants, he will order everything at the same time - appetizers, drinks, entrees, coffee and desserts, telling the waiter when he wants the different courses brought to the table. He will say something once entrees are brought to the table "Thank you, this looks really great. We are all set here and will appreciate if you can bring the check along with the desserts and coffee. If we need something else we will flag you."

They know us there. There is no small talk but the waiters are very attentive.

That seems kind of bossy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that thinks Covid-19 is a valid concern for avoiding conversation? Especially if you're not on top of other tables at a restaurant, the only random person you're in immediate contact with is the server. I can't stand prodding servers, just take our order and we'll give you 20%. Leave us the hell alone, please.

No, you aren’t the only one. Whether it actually is a valid concern for avoiding conversation once you have decided to sit inside a restaurant and consume food and drink with your mask off? That’s just the excuse you are using to avoid conversation.

This, seriously. You aren't worried about covid if you are eating indoors masks off.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have never had any issue with chatty waiters because of the way my DH orders. My DH is great in ordering food. In our favorite restaurants, he will order everything at the same time - appetizers, drinks, entrees, coffee and desserts, telling the waiter when he wants the different courses brought to the table. He will say something once entrees are brought to the table "Thank you, this looks really great. We are all set here and will appreciate if you can bring the check along with the desserts and coffee. If we need something else we will flag you."

They know us there. There is no small talk but the waiters are very attentive.

That seems kind of bossy.

Not at all. We also tip well and the kitchen appreciates knowing the order before-hand. The waiters don't have to hang around waiting for us decide on the menu and can serve other people. Finally, waiters are there to wait on you. That is their purpose. If we can make it more efficient they spend less time waiting on us and we spend more time enjoying the experience in privacy. As a customer we are "ordering" our meal and they are there to serve us. So, yeah, in a sense it is not an equal power dynamic.