If your 3rd child was an oops baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

NP but I feel like adoption would be really hard to explain to her older kids?

Just explain that they couldn't keep the baby because it was too expensive but the baby went to a loving, caring family. Maybe keep the adoption semi-open so the kids can kind of know their sibling. Or don't tell until they're older, from what I've read they seem kind of young.

Right, easy-peasy!

I'm not saying adoption is easy (I've adopted a child, I know how hard adoption is), I'm saying it's an option.

Your posts show you do not understand how hard adoption can be. Not even a little bit. The level of tone deaf indifference and failure to see beyond your own needs is worrisome. Your attitude is everything that’s wrong with adoption.

How did the PP "fail to see beyond her own needs?" She just wanted OP to know adoption was an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

NP but I feel like adoption would be really hard to explain to her older kids?

Just explain that they couldn't keep the baby because it was too expensive but the baby went to a loving, caring family. Maybe keep the adoption semi-open so the kids can kind of know their sibling. Or don't tell until they're older, from what I've read they seem kind of young.

Right, easy-peasy!

I'm not saying adoption is easy (I've adopted a child, I know how hard adoption is), I'm saying it's an option.

Your posts show you do not understand how hard adoption can be. Not even a little bit. The level of tone deaf indifference and failure to see beyond your own needs is worrisome. Your attitude is everything that’s wrong with adoption.

How did the PP "fail to see beyond her own needs?" She just wanted OP to know adoption was an option.

I'm the PP who asked if she wanted adoption. Someone else answered the "what will she tell her kids" question and said that she adopted a child, not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

This is horrifying. I watched that Netflix documentary on Chinese adoptees. They were all haunted by the idea that their biological parents just didn't want them - it was clearly painful to them on a daily basis. The only thing that seemed to comfort them was understanding how poor their parents were and what little choice they had in giving up their children. I cannot imagine the pain of being adopted and learning that your biological mom gave you up because she "just didn't want to take care" of you. That would mess up a person for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

This is horrifying. I watched that Netflix documentary on Chinese adoptees. They were all haunted by the idea that their biological parents just didn't want them - it was clearly painful to them on a daily basis. The only thing that seemed to comfort them was understanding how poor their parents were and what little choice they had in giving up their children. I cannot imagine the pain of being adopted and learning that your biological mom gave you up because she "just didn't want to take care" of you. That would mess up a person for life.

NP What exactly is your alternative? My SIL gave her third up for adoption. Would it have been better for her to raise him in horrible circumstances? Are you against adoption in general? You sound insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your third child was an oops baby, how have things worked out?

With the third, I don't see how can continue juggle work + children. Our car is now too small. Home too small. I'm four months pregnant and just now scheduled the prenatal appointment because wanted an abortion and to deny the situation. I had an abortion at 23 (35 now) but couldn't go through with it this time.

Wondering how many adapted and are doing okay, and how many are overwhelmed chronically.

In this days and age, no such thing as an oops baby.

It's a not preventing baby. An "I don't know how birth control or the female reproductive system works" baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

This is horrifying. I watched that Netflix documentary on Chinese adoptees. They were all haunted by the idea that their biological parents just didn't want them - it was clearly painful to them on a daily basis. The only thing that seemed to comfort them was understanding how poor their parents were and what little choice they had in giving up their children. I cannot imagine the pain of being adopted and learning that your biological mom gave you up because she "just didn't want to take care" of you. That would mess up a person for life.

NP What exactly is your alternative? My SIL gave her third up for adoption. Would it have been better for her to raise him in horrible circumstances? Are you against adoption in general? You sound insane.

PP didn’t say horrible circumstances. She said her friend was well off and could’ve handled another child and just didn’t want to. OP sounds like she can handle it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

What did they tell the older kids? The grandparents? Friends who saw her pregnant? I mean, people have to make their own choices, but it’s hard to believe that “no one cared.” I still think adoption is a kinder option than abortion, but what you describe sounds like a minefield to navigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

What did they tell the older kids? The grandparents? Friends who saw her pregnant? I mean, people have to make their own choices, but it’s hard to believe that “no one cared.” I still think adoption is a kinder option than abortion, but what you describe sounds like a minefield to navigate.

People adapt. Life happens. We don't live in a perfect bubble. You're not giving people enough credit. Most of us have events in our lives that are uncomfortable and complicated and rattle us. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

I like how the “tell me how it worked out for you” post turned into a back and forth on adoption, which was not what OP asked about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

What did they tell the older kids? The grandparents? Friends who saw her pregnant? I mean, people have to make their own choices, but it’s hard to believe that “no one cared.” I still think adoption is a kinder option than abortion, but what you describe sounds like a minefield to navigate.

It sounds unlikely to the point of falsity. This is not something affluent, educated people do in modern times. It’s just not. Stop trying to make it a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

This is horrifying. I watched that Netflix documentary on Chinese adoptees. They were all haunted by the idea that their biological parents just didn't want them - it was clearly painful to them on a daily basis. The only thing that seemed to comfort them was understanding how poor their parents were and what little choice they had in giving up their children. I cannot imagine the pain of being adopted and learning that your biological mom gave you up because she "just didn't want to take care" of you. That would mess up a person for life.

Oh but she wanted the siblings. That would hurt even worse.

This isn’t a 16 year old with no money and no experience parenting. This is someone with the means and experience to have another child choosing not to keep this one child. And once you’ve had kids, you know exactly what the relationship is between a mother and child that you’re giving up.

I doubt “no one cared.” I’m sure that child will care someday. I’m sure the other kids will care when they grow and learn what their parents did to their younger sibling. And let’s be really, any friends/family who know about this have silently judged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

This is horrifying. I watched that Netflix documentary on Chinese adoptees. They were all haunted by the idea that their biological parents just didn't want them - it was clearly painful to them on a daily basis. The only thing that seemed to comfort them was understanding how poor their parents were and what little choice they had in giving up their children. I cannot imagine the pain of being adopted and learning that your biological mom gave you up because she "just didn't want to take care" of you. That would mess up a person for life.

Oh but she wanted the siblings. That would hurt even worse.

This isn’t a 16 year old with no money and no experience parenting. This is someone with the means and experience to have another child choosing not to keep this one child. And once you’ve had kids, you know exactly what the relationship is between a mother and child that you’re giving up.

I doubt “no one cared.” I’m sure that child will care someday. I’m sure the other kids will care when they grow and learn what their parents did to their younger sibling. And let’s be really, any friends/family who know about this have silently judged.

Who cares if they judge? That's what this is really about to you isn't it? What people will think. Not that it might be the best option for the people actually involved, plus the adoptive parents. Some of us don't live our lives based on what other people think of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

This is horrifying. I watched that Netflix documentary on Chinese adoptees. They were all haunted by the idea that their biological parents just didn't want them - it was clearly painful to them on a daily basis. The only thing that seemed to comfort them was understanding how poor their parents were and what little choice they had in giving up their children. I cannot imagine the pain of being adopted and learning that your biological mom gave you up because she "just didn't want to take care" of you. That would mess up a person for life.

NP What exactly is your alternative? My SIL gave her third up for adoption. Would it have been better for her to raise him in horrible circumstances? Are you against adoption in general? You sound insane.

PP didn’t say horrible circumstances. She said her friend was well off and could’ve handled another child and just didn’t want to. OP sounds like she can handle it too.

I'm the PP and a year after the adoption my friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and was very glad she gave the baby up, she didn't feel she could handle a young baby and chemo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered adoption? I know someone who adopted a baby from someone who didn't want a third child or an abortion.

Go away. You’re ridiculous. No adult woman with children is going to give up her third child for adoption. Get over yourself.

Not the PP of the adoption thread, but my best friend gave her third child for adoption. She's pretty well-off and could afford a third, she just didn't want to take care of it. No one cared.

What did they tell the older kids? The grandparents? Friends who saw her pregnant? I mean, people have to make their own choices, but it’s hard to believe that “no one cared.” I still think adoption is a kinder option than abortion, but what you describe sounds like a minefield to navigate.

The kids were 1 and 3 and didn't notice or know, she didn't gain that much weight. They are 9 and 11 and know now. Her parents died when she was in college and her husband's parents were in a nursing home and died a few months after the baby was born. All of her close friends knew, she was pretty open about it.