Made plans for thanksgiving and now IL’s want me to come to their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, I won’t be able to receive you, I really need to recharge because I’m burnt out at work. Thank you so much for thinking of me, you’re very kind!

Yep, something like this. Be gracious but tell them you'll be exhausted from traveling and you've had such a difficult month at work etc etc and just don't have the energy. But you look forward to seeing them Ina couple of weeks or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say no, that you appreciate the offer but that you’ll be tired from the trip and are looking forward to a quiet day and early bedtime. Say you will connect up with them another time. I also think it’s fair to point out covid concerns. If need be, have your spouse run interference.

+1. I think this sets the right tone without being too offensive. Unfortunately you already gave them too many details of your plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non-vaccinated guests is a deal-breaker. Hell no.

Otherwise, it would be very rude for you to keep family away from their grandson when you live in Canada and it's a rare opportunity to see him, when you have no real plans. Like, blah blah blah, food can be frozen or brought along. Your child is half-American, so rude for you to over-ride the significance of that cultural moment for him and for his father's family just because you are Canadian.

First paragraph is correct.

Second paragraph is laughable BS and should be ignored, as I’m sure you already know, OP.

[Anonymous]

I'd just tell them sorry you have other plans but look forward to seeing them Christmas. Can you do Xmas Eve with them at your place, and let them do bad food and booze with rest of family at their home Xmas day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non-vaccinated guests is a deal-breaker. Hell no.

Otherwise, it would be very rude for you to keep family away from their grandson when you live in Canada and it's a rare opportunity to see him, when you have no real plans. Like, blah blah blah, food can be frozen or brought along. Your child is half-American, so rude for you to over-ride the significance of that cultural moment for him and for his father's family just because you are Canadian.

Dude. She lives in the US. She’s Canadian and going over the border to visit her Canadian parents in Canada.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you just need to be direct. "We aren't going to participate in any indoor activities with unvaccinated folks because DC isn't eligible to be vaccinated yet. I know it is awful to STILL be going through this, but I wouldn't forgive myself if he got sick. I know DC would love to see you -- maybe we can meet up at the park next weekend?"

This

[Anonymous]

Under no circumstances would I take a 2 year old to Thanksgiving dinner with unvaccinated relatives. That's a much better reason than food being ordered. Just say "no, end of discussion."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Under no circumstances would I take a 2 year old to Thanksgiving dinner with unvaccinated relatives. That's a much better reason than food being ordered. Just say "no, end of discussion."

+1
You need to be firm about this. You haven’t set any boundaries and made it about a grocery store meal, which is a little insulting to grandparents. Just say look I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but we are not spending time indoors with unvaccinated until ds qualifies for the vaccine. We look forward to having you over to our place before Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say no, that you appreciate the offer but that you’ll be tired from the trip and are looking forward to a quiet day and early bedtime. Say you will connect up with them another time. I also think it’s fair to point out covid concerns. If need be, have your spouse run interference.

+1. I think this sets the right tone without being too offensive. Unfortunately you already gave them too many details of your plans.

Another +1 to this approach.

Unfortunately I think many posts here are missing one detail in OP's post -- she says the in-laws now have said they will come over to her house on Thanksgiving Day to visit. I

think she's actually off the hook re: going to them, based on how I read her post, but I would be concerned that they will turn up knocking at the door of her house no matter what.

OP, think through what you want to do to stave off their visiting that day. I'd be clear that you have plans to spend the whole day with your child, you both will be tired after a trip, and you won't see them that day. Unless they have not seen your child in ages and ages, they really can't pull the 'we want to see our grandchild" stuff --even on a holiday! I would NOT offer up a specific thing like "come to the fun run on Friday" or "come over for pie on Friday." Normally I'd say, yes, offer a specific alternative to them , but I would not lock things down like that with your particular in-laws.

"I just wanted to clarify -- you already know we have our own plans here at home for the day. You mentioned coming over here but since we will have just returned from a trip, I want us to have the day to rest, eat, and be together, and Child needs to get back to Child's routines and an early bedtime. So please don't come by that day. We'll see you during the next week instead."

In your shoes, once I took my young DD out for a few hours on a holiday when I was concerned that a relative who had the same no-boundaries, no-one-should-be-aloooone attitude, would come to my house. We just drove out (so no car was at the house) and went for a long walk in a park and it was great--something we'd have done anyway, and we avoided the "surprise" visit.

Please ignore posters who act as if there's something wrong with anyone who doesn't want or need to be crammed in with family on Thanksgiving Day. There are as many ways to mark Thanksgiving as there are families, so there is no compulsion to see one's family that day in particular. I'm grateful I was raised by parents who loved holidays but who were very mellow about dates and didn't like celebrating with a big crowd of relatives. My mom always said, "As long as we see each other some time around the holidays, the date doesn't matter, it's spending time together that matters." That attitude was a great gift to us children.

[Anonymous]

It’s ok to just say no.

[Anonymous]

Change of plans! You’re actually staying in Canada until Saturday.

Seriously, call your husband and tell him you are not hosting anyone on Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

just say you already have plans after the meal to go see one of your sons friends and you can't cancel.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to deal with this.

How annoying. You said no. They’re being pushy and now they invited themselves to your house? F that!

Talk to your husband and explain that you do not want this and he needs to shut it down. You need to tell him that it’s on him to preserve your future relationship with your inlaws. Make it clear that if they show up on Thanksgiving you’re done.

[Anonymous]

Why don't people just tell the damn truth?

You and your unvaccinated child want to stay home alone on Thanksgiving because you don't want to get covid. Make that clear in a respecftful and firm way,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non-vaccinated guests is a deal-breaker. Hell no.

Otherwise, it would be very rude for you to keep family away from their grandson when you live in Canada and it's a rare opportunity to see him, when you have no real plans. Like, blah blah blah, food can be frozen or brought along. Your child is half-American, so rude for you to over-ride the significance of that cultural moment for him and for his father's family just because you are Canadian.

Try working on your reading comprehension issues before making shitty comments to people.