Made plans for thanksgiving and now IL’s want me to come to their home.

[Anonymous]

You never should have told them your plans. "Oh, thank you for the invite, but we've already got plans. Maybe next year!"

Now to fix it, say "Sorry to turn down your invite, but we're set on our plans for Thanksgiving this year."

[Anonymous]

You can't control their feelings. "It's lovely of you to think of us, but we already have plans." Then don't argue, don't give excuses, don't try to justify yourself. Just repeat, "Thank you, but we have plans."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be honest about the unvaxxed relatives issue. It's their right to not get vaxxed but your right to refuse to spend time with them with an unvaxxed child. Grandparents can come see him the next day and you can have some pie together.

+1. Hold the line. This is your child’s health being put at risk.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I won’t be able to receive you, I really need to recharge because I’m burnt out at work. Thank you so much for thinking of me, you’re very kind!

[Anonymous]

Hold the line. But I'm not surprised they are pushing back at you and surprised at your choices. For an American it would be unusual to spend Thanksgiving alone with your kid when grandparents are so close by. Doesn't mean you can't do it, but people will find it unexpected.

[Anonymous]

Can you invite them to the turkey trot? Might be a way to buffer the decline. “We will be returning from Canada right around then so Thanksgiving doesn’t work for us, but if you want to come cheer us on that Friday, bring a sign and we’ll meet you there!”

[Anonymous]

Tell them you don't want your son around drunks who eat processed food. You won't have to deal with them much after that!

[Anonymous]

Either tell them no firmly. Or tell them that you are extending your stay in Canada.

[Anonymous]

Just say that you are extending your stay in Canada & will catch up with them next time.

[Anonymous]

For Americans there is a huge line between that Thursday and the Black Friday after it. It makes no sense, but you need to deal with this. In fact, Thanksgiving is the ONE day out of the entire year devoted to family. Any other days in the calendar are flexible. Actually, it sounds like your spouse is setting you up as basically cannon fodder for refusing to participate and also not warning you that you are a target.

[Anonymous]

OP - the issue is: you know what you want to do. Now speak your mind (you did) Now, stick to it.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you aren't getting together with any unvaxxed unmasked people before traveling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For Americans there is a huge line between that Thursday and the Black Friday after it. It makes no sense, but you need to deal with this. In fact, Thanksgiving is the ONE day out of the entire year devoted to family. Any other days in the calendar are flexible. Actually, it sounds like your spouse is setting you up as basically cannon fodder for refusing to participate and also not warning you that you are a target.

She is spending it with family. Her family. Given that DH is not around to help with the kids, that is perfectly understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be honest about the unvaxxed relatives issue. It's their right to not get vaxxed but your right to refuse to spend time with them with an unvaxxed child. Grandparents can come see him the next day and you can have some pie together.

I agree with this. They will whine and complain, most likely. But they can't really push back on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't control their feelings. "It's lovely of you to think of us, but we already have plans." Then don't argue, don't give excuses, don't try to justify yourself. Just repeat, "Thank you, but we have plans."

This. You made a mistake by saying that you didn’t want to come because you didn’t want the food to go to waste. Once you offer up reasons, you open the door for them to argue with your reasoning (“oh, just bring it - it won’t go to waste) instead of drawing clear boundaries.