Reply to Made plans for thanksgiving and now IL’s want me to come to their home.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Say no, that you appreciate the offer but that you’ll be tired from the trip and are looking forward to a quiet day and early bedtime. Say you will connect up with them another time. I also think it’s fair to point out covid concerns. If need be, have your spouse run interference. [/quote]

+1. I think this sets the right tone without being too offensive. Unfortunately you already gave them too many details of your plans.[/quote]

Another +1 to this approach.

Unfortunately I think many posts here are missing one detail in OP's post -- she says the in-laws now have said they will come over to her house on Thanksgiving Day to visit. I

think she's actually off the hook re: going to them, based on how I read her post, but I would be concerned that they will turn up knocking at the door of her house no matter what.

OP, think through what you want to do to stave off their visiting that day. I'd be clear that you have plans to spend the whole day with your child, you both will be tired after a trip, and you won't see them that day. Unless they have not seen your child in ages and ages, they really can't pull the 'we want to see our grandchild" stuff --even on a holiday! I would NOT offer up a specific thing like "come to the fun run on Friday" or "come over for pie on Friday." Normally I'd say, yes, offer a specific alternative to them , but I would not lock things down like that with your particular in-laws.

"I just wanted to clarify -- you already know we have our own plans here at home for the day. You mentioned coming over here but since we will have just returned from a trip, I want us to have the day to rest, eat, and be together, and Child needs to get back to Child's routines and an early bedtime. So please don't come by that day. We'll see you during the next week instead."

In your shoes, once I took my young DD out for a few hours on a holiday when I was concerned that a relative who had the same no-boundaries, no-one-should-be-aloooone attitude, would come to my house. We just drove out (so no car was at the house) and went for a long walk in a park and it was great--something we'd have done anyway, and we avoided the "surprise" visit.

Please ignore posters who act as if there's something wrong with anyone who doesn't want or need to be crammed in with family on Thanksgiving Day. There are as many ways to mark Thanksgiving as there are families, so there is no compulsion to see one's family that day in particular. I'm grateful I was raised by parents who loved holidays but who were very mellow about dates and didn't like celebrating with a big crowd of relatives. My mom always said, "As long as we see each other some time around the holidays, the date doesn't matter, it's spending time together that matters." That attitude was a great gift to us children. [/quote]

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