In the spirit of the holidays.... "Crazy Shit my Mom Says" revival
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Anonymous
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When I was admitted to a top 5 PhD program and decided to go, the only thing my UMC mom (who had been campaigning against grad school) could say was, "Oh, no. Does that mean your future husband will be a <horror pause>....professor?!"
As it turns out, I met DH on the first day of grad school (though we didn't date for several years). Neither of us are professors... |
Anonymous
Even there it wouldn't...but I laughed really hard too. Then again, my family of origin can only aspire to dysfunction... |
Anonymous
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I always love my moms aphorisms-
Go play in the street Alternatively- go blow the stink off Beauty is pain (said while brushing hair) When a kid hurts themselves- oh no! Do you think you’ll be ok? Should we cut it off? Lay down with dogs, get up with fleas Play dumb games, win dumb prizes Hogs get slaughtered and pigs get fed (when we were greedy) You look rode hard and put away wet Pot calling the kettle black Give him two nickels for a dime and he’ll think he’s rich Born on third base and thought he hit a home run Kid says “I’m hungry” and she says “well I’m larla” Get off the table, Mabel I can’t remember them all! She’s throws them out nonstop. I know she got them from her mother. Maybe it’s something daughters pass to daughters? I’ve never heard my dad or Dh utter any of these and I say them too. She’s from the south/Midwest (Missouri) |
Anonymous
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Every time I say I'm getting get my hair done, my mom says "Oh, get it frosted, your hair needs some lightening up." Or "Oh, did you finally get it frosted?"
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Anonymous
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My mom would often loudly fart (either pretend nothing happened or ask with disdain “who did that?”)
Declaring loudly at uncle’s funeral (brother she did not like) “will you look at that expensive coffin. What a waste of good wood” “Are you going out in that? That outfit makes you look fat” and “sex traffickers in Middle East and Africa love fat girls.” Also regularly admonish us to “eat everything on your plate because the starving children in Africa would eat it if they could.” On referring to people in the third person when they are in the room: “She is the cat’s mother” but when expressing her own displeasure “We are not amused” “If you argue with me again, you’ll get the wrong end of the feather duster” (and I regularly did). “Don't make me get the wooden spoon.” “Put your shoes and coat on or you’ll get a chill in your kidneys.” Whenever we lost keys, purse or whatever: “ Will you just Pray to Saint Anthony and stop bothering me” (St Anthony is the Patron Saint of lost causes) “You’ll be the f@ckun death of me” “Shut the f@ckun door. You weren’t born in tent.” So many more. |
Anonymous
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"Please don't embarrass me. You need to dress well in the grocery store, on any errands in case anyone I know sees you. Make sure you are always presentable."
Mom's reaction when she heard we were moving to the area for DH's job with her grandchildren. Luckily dad was actually happy to see grandchildren more. Mom was preoccupied with what a slob I had become since becoming a mother to 2 kids, one of which had special needs. |
Anonymous
Racism just isn't funny or simply chalked up to dysfunction for some of us. |
Anonymous
It was the same in the original thread over 50% of what was shared was just racist, what is worse though is the posters wouldn't admit it was racism, they would just call it old-fashioned or as they are doing now family dysfunction. I think only one person had the guts to admit her mother was a racist. I'm also not surprised in the least, if you were here during Trump's presidency there are a lot of posters that don't call their family members out on their racism " They don't talk politics '. |
Anonymous
My mom is from the South (SC/GA) and says a lot of these. She basically speaks in platitudes |
Anonymous
Saying dumb racist and often cruel stuff is being posted as funny because it is dumb and racist - it is funny in that it is so obviously off the walls crazy. And horrible, that the best way to cope is to laugh at it. - poster who was warned she would be sex trafficked in Africa and Middle East if she did not lose weight … |
Anonymous
| “Having more than two kids is so distasteful. We’re not livestock meant to constantly breed.” |
Anonymous
There is a big difference between how you react in real life and what you later post here as having funny side to it. Comedy is often about exploring taboo or difficult subjects. I would get into major fights with my mother about her cruel comments. I left family Events where she was making racist and homophobic remarks (more than 20 years before such views became widely unacceptable in my conservative home country. I got therapy and don’t talk like that to my kids. We now have a multi racial family which she accepts. Please do not assume posting stuff as funny here means we condone racism or other forms of hate in any way . |
Anonymous
Can I trade with you? My mom loves to prattle on about only children are brats. (I have an only by choice) |
Anonymous
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"I'll have you know I made countless sacrifices for family in need. I called my elderly mother almost daily. I called my cousin with cancer weekly and when my sister and brother were dying of cancer I called them all the time and always got off the phone to talk to them when they needed me."
My mother expects us to be and her beckon call as she ages and has a long list of things we should do for her. By the time anyone "needed" her we were out of the house. I have 2 kids, one with special needs. She had so much leisure time even when we were at home because we were easy to raise. Can you imagine all that time talking on the phone. Sidenote...she did not VISIT these people because apparently she had time to travel to Europe and attend galas with dad, but no time to visit anyone dying. |
Anonymous
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