In the spirit of the holidays.... "Crazy Shit my Mom Says" revival

[Anonymous]

This is one of my all-time favorite threads. Feel free to keep adding.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/286398.page

[Anonymous]

"I was the best mother and I will not hear otherwise."
(She lied about hosting holidays all the time at her home when her MO was always to dig around for invites).

"I am sending you this birthday gift, but because you don't do x,y,z for me I may forgo birthday gifts from now on"
(We don't want or need gifts and we are burned out from all we do for her).

"I should divorce your father and make you care for him. It shouldn't be my job."
(She did not have to work. She lead a life of luxury. I work, have a child with medical needs, another child with special needs. She had hired help galore and did not think she should have to take care of anyone).

"You will never be half the mother I am."
(Awww....That should be a Mother's day card mom!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I was the best mother and I will not hear otherwise."
(She lied about hosting holidays all the time at her home when her MO was always to dig around for invites).

"I am sending you this birthday gift, but because you don't do x,y,z for me I may forgo birthday gifts from now on"
(We don't want or need gifts and we are burned out from all we do for her).

"I should divorce your father and make you care for him. It shouldn't be my job."
(She did not have to work. She lead a life of luxury. I work, have a child with medical needs, another child with special needs. She had hired help galore and did not think she should have to take care of anyone).

"You will never be half the mother I am."
(Awww....That should be a Mother's day card mom!)

By the way the mother on Arrested Development is so much like mine minus the alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

My mom referred to the children of my first cousins who had special needs as:

“Klept up” or
“Mongoloid”

She also used to say that my 12-13 yo boy cousin “always looked like you just caught him masturbating”

She told me that if I ever had intercourse with a non-white man, that no white man would want to marry me, and also that they would be able to tell

[Anonymous]

I am the daughter of this gem:

My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

My mother died on September 1st. I talked with her earlier in the day. She was in a rehab for a broken foot. The rehab was closed to visitors because of rampant Covid in the rehab. I told my mother as soon as it lifted I would come visit her.

Me: We haven't seen each other since 2019. And what could be better than seeing me?
My mother: [Sister]

She said this without missing a beat. I always said my sister was her favorite and she always denied it. Even my sister admitted she got favored by my mom. I love that basically the last thing my mom did was admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the daughter of this gem:

My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

My mother died on September 1st. I talked with her earlier in the day. She was in a rehab for a broken foot. The rehab was closed to visitors because of rampant Covid in the rehab. I told my mother as soon as it lifted I would come visit her.

Me: We haven't seen each other since 2019. And what could be better than seeing me?
My mother: [Sister]

She said this without missing a beat. I always said my sister was her favorite and she always denied it. Even my sister admitted she got favored by my mom. I love that basically the last thing my mom did was admit it.

That is truly terrible, PP. I'm sorry.

I will admit I have nothing to add to this thread as my mom died 20 years ago right before Christmas, and the older I get the more I find myself saying some of the things that she did, which were often wise but I didn't really pay attention when I was young.

[Anonymous]

Each time I visit, my mother grabs my arm and tries to drag me to her bedroom to force me onto the scale, so she can tell me I'm fat and need to lose weight. She tries to pounce when I'm in the corridor outside her bedroom. She watches us at every meal and tells us we're going to be fat when the children and I eat more than a small portion of vegetables and protein.

She also told me my life was ruined because I'd married my husband, whom she called a jerk, when he was out of work for 18 months. So nice to hear when you're really stressed out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Each time I visit, my mother grabs my arm and tries to drag me to her bedroom to force me onto the scale, so she can tell me I'm fat and need to lose weight. She tries to pounce when I'm in the corridor outside her bedroom. She watches us at every meal and tells us we're going to be fat when the children and I eat more than a small portion of vegetables and protein.

She also told me my life was ruined because I'd married my husband, whom she called a jerk, when he was out of work for 18 months. So nice to hear when you're really stressed out!

Is your mom Korean? I only ask because my friend and her family are Korean and she has a scale near her front door. Her parents weigh her every time she goes home to visit. She seemed to imply to me this was a Korean thing.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was supposed to be funny. People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist. Does anyone have anything actually funny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom referred to the children of my first cousins who had special needs as:

“Klept up” or
“Mongoloid”

She also used to say that my 12-13 yo boy cousin “always looked like you just caught him masturbating”

She told me that if I ever had intercourse with a non-white man, that no white man would want to marry me, and also that they would be able to tell

This is amazing

[Anonymous]

Omg!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was supposed to be funny. People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist. Does anyone have anything actually funny?

How you know you come from a dysfunctional family: people tell stories like the ones above at a wake and you laugh so hard you pee yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was supposed to be funny. People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist. Does anyone have anything actually funny?

When you come from dysfunction and cruelty, you learn to develop a very dark sense of humor so you don't become deeply depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was supposed to be funny. People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist. Does anyone have anything actually funny?

When you come from dysfunction and cruelty, you learn to develop a very dark sense of humor so you don't become deeply depressed.

...and it is glorious!

[Anonymous]

me: "Would you like to join us for Thanksgiving?"

Mom: "Uh, well...maybe I could join you the Wednesday or Friday."

Me: "I'm sorry, we are only celebrating on Thursday."

Mom: "Can I give you an answer in a week. I want to see if I get a better offer."