In the spirit of the holidays.... "Crazy Shit my Mom Says" revival

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was supposed to be funny. People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist. Does anyone have anything actually funny?

No, these are funny. You just don't get it. Let other people enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was supposed to be funny. People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist. Does anyone have anything actually funny?

No, these are funny. You just don't get it. Let other people enjoy it.

So if you come from a family like this, it helps to share and laugh about it. I think people from perfectly normal parents don't get it. Don't judge. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

"If you have sex in college I will find out. You should assume I am under the bed. I may just have a recording device under there or I may actually be there."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was supposed to be funny. People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist. Does anyone have anything actually funny?

No, these are funny. You just don't get it. Let other people enjoy it.

So if you come from a family like this, it helps to share and laugh about it. I think people from perfectly normal parents don't get it. Don't judge. Just move on.

So this. I have a few friends from growing up who came from extreme dysfunction too. If you think crazy parents are bad when you are kid, wait until you have to deal with them in their 70s, 80s and beyond. We share horror studies and laugh so hard we are in pain because otherwise I think we would be catatonic in need of a psychiatric hospitalization. I'm not even joking there. They get crueler with age sometimes and laughter helps. To my fellow daughters of nutty mothers....I give you the secret salute of solidarity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was supposed to be funny. People are just posting things that are mean/sad/racist. Does anyone have anything actually funny?

I don't know, the comment about the black guy and the assault rifle was pretty funny. I imagine the PP's mom living in a gated community outside of Mogadishu. It's the only place that would make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the daughter of this gem:

My mother was visiting the city from her upper-middle class suburbs in which she's lived for 40 years (she is about 60). We are white, and in a car, at an intersection. A black man carrying a long (non-fold up) umbrella strides across the street in front of us.

My mom: Oh, there are a lot of those where we live.
My sister and I: A lot of what? A lot of black people?
My mom: Black people carrying assault rifles down the street, yes
My sister and I: In your GATED senior community of upper-middle class people?
My mom: Yes
My sister and I: Dad, do you find this to be the case?
My dad: No. I have no idea what your mother is talking about.
My sister: Mom, that was an umbrella, not an assault rifle
My mom: well, it looked like an assault rifle
Me: Mom, have you ever seen an assault rifle in real life?
My dad: No she hasn't.

My mother died on September 1st. I talked with her earlier in the day. She was in a rehab for a broken foot. The rehab was closed to visitors because of rampant Covid in the rehab. I told my mother as soon as it lifted I would come visit her.

Me: We haven't seen each other since 2019. And what could be better than seeing me?
My mother: [Sister]

She said this without missing a beat. I always said my sister was her favorite and she always denied it. Even my sister admitted she got favored by my mom. I love that basically the last thing my mom did was admit it.

I remember your post! I thought it was hilarious. Loved your Dad.

I'm so sorry that you lost your mom, and I also love your approach to that last conversation.

[Anonymous]

“My hemorrhoids are killing me.”

[Anonymous]

Not my mother but my aunt who was very prim and well spoken, until she got Alzheimer’s. Then we had issues because she would speak up about aides she found overweight (aunt was 4’9” and abound 85 lb). She would say “would you look at the size of that *ss!!”

We had to be *extra* nice to the staff. Oy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If you have sex in college I will find out. You should assume I am under the bed. I may just have a recording device under there or I may actually be there."

This one had me peeing in my pants. So awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If you have sex in college I will find out. You should assume I am under the bed. I may just have a recording device under there or I may actually be there."

This one had me peeing in my pants. So awesome.

Yeah, it was the moment I took to pause and reread "or I may actually be there" that made me start laughing out loud.

[Anonymous]

Ok this was a good thread to read as a mom of a 2-year-old who's been really frayed and short with DD lately. At least I'm not a horrible racist

[Anonymous]

“Auntie Jane’s got such a good marriage. Uncle Bob is not like other men. He may drink a lot and yell at her but if she doesn’t back, at least he doesn’t hit her hard.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Auntie Jane’s got such a good marriage. Uncle Bob is not like other men. He may drink a lot and yell at her but if she doesn’t back, at least he doesn’t hit her hard.”

That should say “doesnt talk back”

[Anonymous]

“If you breastfeed, you husband won’t like your boobs.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I was the best mother and I will not hear otherwise."
(She lied about hosting holidays all the time at her home when her MO was always to dig around for invites).

"I am sending you this birthday gift, but because you don't do x,y,z for me I may forgo birthday gifts from now on"
(We don't want or need gifts and we are burned out from all we do for her).

"I should divorce your father and make you care for him. It shouldn't be my job."
(She did not have to work. She lead a life of luxury. I work, have a child with medical needs, another child with special needs. She had hired help galore and did not think she should have to take care of anyone).

"You will never be half the mother I am."
(Awww....That should be a Mother's day card mom!)

For the last one you should respond that half of nothing is nothing.