How old is too old to adopt as a single woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to pregnancy via an egg or embryo donor?

Adoption can take a long time. I know single friends who started the process at 45 and are still waiting at 47, 48.

A donor may be a faster path to becoming a parent, especially if you are worried about your age.

+1

If you are healthy a donor egg/embryo might be the most expedient option. Also echo others that said you should make sure you have the finances and support network in order as a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Some agencies will work with you. Some birth parents may not want to place with you. Be prepared for a long wait (everyone in private adoption should be, but you more than others) and have good savings and plans for who will take care of your child if you become incapacitated while they are a minor. And really think about this--if your kid has fetal alcohol syndrome or bipolar disorder or attachment issues or learning disabilities, who in your life is able to take that on and will love your kid like you would? If you don't have someone, don't adopt. And that's not just about your age, but something true for all adoptive parents, especially single ones.

This. We adopted around your age and have a child with these issues. I cannot imagine handling it alone, it is tough enough with an equally invested co-parent. Another issue to consider is the age and health of your own parents. The 40s and 50s are called the sandwich years for a reason. If you are going to be the primary caregiver for aging parents, that is another red flag.

[Anonymous]

I adopted a newborn at 49 and am loving every single moment of it. I have more disposable income to spend on my family and more patience than I did when I was younger. You have time to adopt more than 1 child or a sibling group. I wish you the best. You have a big heart!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to pregnancy via an egg or embryo donor?

Adoption can take a long time. I know single friends who started the process at 45 and are still waiting at 47, 48.

A donor may be a faster path to becoming a parent, especially if you are worried about your age.

Its pure luck. It took us six years to adopt and it was a nightmare, but after adopting I am glad we waited as our child is the perfect fit. If you have enough money, you can go to attorneys and facilities (and some agencies) that are basically selling the babies to the highest bidders but plan to spend $80K+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to pregnancy via an egg or embryo donor?

Adoption can take a long time. I know single friends who started the process at 45 and are still waiting at 47, 48.

A donor may be a faster path to becoming a parent, especially if you are worried about your age.

Its pure luck. It took us six years to adopt and it was a nightmare, but after adopting I am glad we waited as our child is the perfect fit. If you have enough money, you can go to attorneys and facilities (and some agencies) that are basically selling the babies to the highest bidders but plan to spend $80K+.

I know you are just being honest, but try to sound less okay with this. These are human beings after all.

—an adoptive mother, sister of an adoptee, daughter of an adoptee, and great-granddaughter of an adoptee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Some agencies will work with you. Some birth parents may not want to place with you. Be prepared for a long wait (everyone in private adoption should be, but you more than others) and have good savings and plans for who will take care of your child if you become incapacitated while they are a minor. And really think about this--if your kid has fetal alcohol syndrome or bipolar disorder or attachment issues or learning disabilities, who in your life is able to take that on and will love your kid like you would? If you don't have someone, don't adopt. And that's not just about your age, but something true for all adoptive parents, especially single ones.

This. We adopted around your age and have a child with these issues. I cannot imagine handling it alone, it is tough enough with an equally invested co-parent. Another issue to consider is the age and health of your own parents. The 40s and 50s are called the sandwich years for a reason. If you are going to be the primary caregiver for aging parents, that is another red flag.

I raised my son alone (not done yet, he is 16). You don't need a partner. You just need some sort of support. My kid was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia. I get support from my mom and a support group I just joined. I don't need a partner for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will definitely be easier to adopt an older child. Most people want to adopt an infant. It all depends on what the birth mother values most. She may or may not prefer a married couple.

It will be far easier to adopt Internationally than Domestically in your situation.

Maybe easier in the short run but if/when attachment and abandonment issues arise, it can be worse for kids who were older at adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to pregnancy via an egg or embryo donor?

Adoption can take a long time. I know single friends who started the process at 45 and are still waiting at 47, 48.

A donor may be a faster path to becoming a parent, especially if you are worried about your age.

Its pure luck. It took us six years to adopt and it was a nightmare, but after adopting I am glad we waited as our child is the perfect fit. If you have enough money, you can go to attorneys and facilities (and some agencies) that are basically selling the babies to the highest bidders but plan to spend $80K+.

I appreciate the honesty in this post. And, the most disgusting part about this is that the mother who is relinquishing her child because she believes the rhetoric that her “bravest love” is to give away her child to a wealthier person is not the one who gets any financial cola benefit for her lifelong sacrifice. At best she may get living or medical expenses during pregnancy. But she gets no tangible “leg up” in life. Instead, profiteering middleman vultures like adoption attorneys sell her baby to the hugest bidder to enrich themselves. It’s sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 46-year-old single parent looking to buy an infant through a private placement? Disgusting.

You are ignorant and hurtful.

There are babies who will have a better life if they are raised by an adult instead of a teen, by someone who is not addicted to drugs, by someone who wanted to parent them, etc.

There are plenty of people who want to adopt babies. The choice is not birth parent vs. OP. It's OP vs another adoptive parent, who may be younger and have a partner (which may or may not mean healthier with a wider support network). OP needs to consider her health and finances and support network.

[Anonymous]

I adopted as a single mom at 40. International adoption. Tougher age restrictions were already in place/coming into place. So glad I did it i. I received my daughter in my arms when she was 7 months old. She is now 18.

My daughter and i read this board together and she believes (as do I) that a lot of these anti-adoption posts are written by the same person. My baby girl and I bonded immediately as did all the kids who were adopted in my Single Moms by Choice group that has spanned 2 decades. Several of us traveled together to adopt our kids. We are all still close friends.

I make/ made nowhere near the money a pp said was needed. In fact, I have never made 100K a year. What a ridiculous thing to say.

During the school years we always applied for financial assistance wherever it was needed for school trips, music rentals, etc. Montgomery County is a very generous county and one of the reasons I stayed here to raise my daughter. We never went without a single thing. I am still laughing at that 170K figure.

[Anonymous]

You adopted over 18 years ago pp, things have unfortunately changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be open to pregnancy via an egg or embryo donor?

Adoption can take a long time. I know single friends who started the process at 45 and are still waiting at 47, 48.

A donor may be a faster path to becoming a parent, especially if you are worried about your age.

Its pure luck. It took us six years to adopt and it was a nightmare, but after adopting I am glad we waited as our child is the perfect fit. If you have enough money, you can go to attorneys and facilities (and some agencies) that are basically selling the babies to the highest bidders but plan to spend $80K+.

I know you are just being honest, but try to sound less okay with this. These are human beings after all.

—an adoptive mother, sister of an adoptee, daughter of an adoptee, and great-granddaughter of an adoptee.

I never said it was ok and we turned down several situations and did a direct private placement but reality is many adoptions are shady. I know of several. It’s the world we live in. There is very little oversight in adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 46-year-old single parent looking to buy an infant through a private placement? Disgusting.

You are ignorant and hurtful.

There are babies who will have a better life if they are raised by an adult instead of a teen, by someone who is not addicted to drugs, by someone who wanted to parent them, etc.

Adoption is not always better. Plenty of teens doa great job as parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm adopted and this seems selfish to me. You're setting up a child to live their entire adult life without a parent...

Um, my friend has accidental twins at 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a newborn at 49 and am loving every single moment of it. I have more disposable income to spend on my family and more patience than I did when I was younger. You have time to adopt more than 1 child or a sibling group. I wish you the best. You have a big heart!

I spent about six years and over a hundred grand trying to conceive as a single mother. I did initially want to adopt but was told, as a few posters did here, that it would be faster and cheaper to try to get pregnant. It's been a few years since that chapter of my life ended, and I'd made peace with it. But I still occasionally think about adoption. I'm 46 and figured I was just way too old. So your comment made me happy. I think I'd prefer to adopt an older child, perhaps a tween or teen.