Boyfriend Wants To Get Back Together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you even know if you're capable of having kids? What if you start trying at 35 and by 42 you have zero kids and are looking at your 25th round of IVF / Adoption?

So are you recommending she have kids before she’s ready and be unhappy? She needs to wait until she’s ready for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Stop wasting our time.

This made me laugh. As I sit here scrolling through DCUM, at least I am fully aware that it is me that is wasting my time.

[Anonymous]

30 is already old. Start having kids now.

[Anonymous]

What is going to happen in 2-3 years that you know you will be ready for kids? Your timeline seems so arbitrary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is going to happen in 2-3 years that you know you will be ready for kids? Your timeline seems so arbitrary.

OP gave a detailed and very reasonable explanation for her timeline. There is nothing arbitrary about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you even know if you're capable of having kids? What if you start trying at 35 and by 42 you have zero kids and are looking at your 25th round of IVF / Adoption?

So are you recommending she have kids before she’s ready and be unhappy? She needs to wait until she’s ready for kids.

No. I'm recommending she find out what state her fertility is in. Also she can simply look at family history - was it easy for her mother to conceive, aunts, sisters, grandmothers etc - it all has baring.

[Anonymous]

NP If you’re truly in love with each other, I can’t really wrap my brain around parting over these issues. They seem workable, with both partners showing some flexibility and compromising a little. It’s not like you don’t want kids at all.

I guess I’m surprised that you were willing to break up over this. It makes me wonder if you are truly in love with him; wonderful relationships like this don’t grow on trees. But of course, everyone is different; I’m not as career-driven as you are, and maybe that’s why I can’t quite relate. If I’m in love, and the relationship is healthy and great, I’m going to do everything I can to make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP If you’re truly in love with each other, I can’t really wrap my brain around parting over these issues. They seem workable, with both partners showing some flexibility and compromising a little. It’s not like you don’t want kids at all.

I guess I’m surprised that you were willing to break up over this. It makes me wonder if you are truly in love with him; wonderful relationships like this don’t grow on trees. But of course, everyone is different; I’m not as career-driven as you are, and maybe that’s why I can’t quite relate. If I’m in love, and the relationship is healthy and great, I’m going to do everything I can to make it work.

I think it’s reasonable. He wants kids now and she wants to wait 3-5 years. That’s a big deal breaker for many people. Would you marry someone who wants to wait 3-5 years to have kids when you want kids now? I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I broke up last month. We were together for a year and while we loved each other, we couldn’t make it work. We realized that we wanted different things for the future. We came to a mutual agreement that it was best to move on and find partners with the same future goals. It was hard for both of us because we were very much in love. He has been calling me all this week to meet him. I met him for dinner last night and he wants to get back together. He’s in love with me and doesn’t want to be without me. It’s been tough for him and he can’t see himself moving on. I love him but I worry that the same issues will become a problem again. Any advice?

If you are still unsure, just tell him nothing lasts for ever and you both know hearts can change. Remember, everybody needs some time all alone.

[Anonymous]

Only stay with him OP if you are sincere in having kids in a few years. If you are just subconsciously hoping to string him along that is not fair to him and you had made the right decision to break up.

For what it is worth, having been in a similar situation as you it is just as hard to have kids when you have moved up the chain and have more responsibility. The only difference is you might have more money for nannies and childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he articulated what he’s willing to change to address the reasons you broke in the first place? Have you?

OP here. He’s a little older than me and is ready for marriage and kids. I want to get married but want to wait a couple more years to have kids. This is thy r main issue, but there is also city vs suburbs and which state we would raise our kids in.

Those aren’t easy to compromise on. A month is not long. Try going no-contact for 60-90 days and see how you feel then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is going to happen in 2-3 years that you know you will be ready for kids? Your timeline seems so arbitrary.

OP gave a detailed and very reasonable explanation for her timeline. There is nothing arbitrary about it.

It's pretty arbitrary. There's room for compromise..And you aren't the OP so sit down and STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve posted before, I believe. If these were significant enough to break up initially then they still are. I think you both need to move on.

Yup. And in the case of OP she needs to learn to be less rigid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30 is already old. Start having kids now.

Not true. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is going to happen in 2-3 years that you know you will be ready for kids? Your timeline seems so arbitrary.

OP gave a detailed and very reasonable explanation for her timeline. There is nothing arbitrary about it.

+1. Her timeline makes complete sense