Would it bother you if your husband wanted to be buried beside his first wife and child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

Are you a second wife of a widower, by chance? Or are yo a second wife of a divorcee? I'm guessing (hoping) the latter, and that you are bringing your feelings about your own situation, which is entirely different, to this one..

You shouldn't be getting married again if you think it's okay to backseat your current spouse and kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's amazing a man would tell that to his wife to begin with. "Honey, I've decided I want to be buried next to my first wife instead of you"!

That wouldn't happen, or a divorce would ensue.

Don't most people discuss this stuff with their spouse before the die?

[Anonymous]

It wouldn’t bother me. I plan to be cremated anyway.

[Anonymous]

Who the hell gets buried these days, anyway? Donate your body to science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the child is the key thing here. I can absolutely understand wanting to be buried with your child who died as a child. I’d want to do the same thing.

If it were just the first wife, I don’t know. I’d probably want to see if there was a way for us to all be buried together. But I also think as you get older, these things matter less to you.

I have an aunt whose husband (my uncle) was tragically killed several years ago. She ended up remarrying his best friend, and my uncle still plays a large role in their marriage. Their wedding rings have all three of their names on it, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were all buried together. I think as you get older, relationships become less about being possessive of another person, and more about sharing love, no matter what that looks like.

There's so much wrong in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

Are you a second wife of a widower, by chance? Or are yo a second wife of a divorcee? I'm guessing (hoping) the latter, and that you are bringing your feelings about your own situation, which is entirely different, to this one..

You shouldn't be getting married again if you think it's okay to backseat your current spouse and kids

I’m genuinely curious. Do you care to answer the question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wouldn’t bother me. I plan to be cremated anyway.

I plan on being cremated too or possibly a green funeral. Anyway, I think cremations makes the most sense in this scenario they could split the ashes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wouldn’t bother me. I plan to be cremated anyway.

+1

This is morbid but is there a way the second wife can be buried in the same plot as the husband?

Ultimately it does not matter.

[Anonymous]

I have zero desire to be buried so I'd have no issue with it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

Are you a second wife of a widower, by chance? Or are yo a second wife of a divorcee? I'm guessing (hoping) the latter, and that you are bringing your feelings about your own situation, which is entirely different, to this one..

You shouldn't be getting married again if you think it's okay to backseat your current spouse and kids

I’m genuinely curious. Do you care to answer the question?

You're the poster who always shows up in these thread claiming that second spouses just have to deal, WEll guess what? You being a widower/widow does not give you the right to to treat your new partner or spouse like shit. You don't get to be a dick to them, ignore their feelings and say, but oh well I lost my spouse. Not how it works. When you decide to be in a relationship again and be married again that current person's feelings are above your own. If you can't do that stay single

[Anonymous]

There really is no right answer here. In both marriages, the man committed fully to the woman with the intention of spending the rest of his life with her and followed through on that commitment. Neither wife is better or more than.

The whole concept of a second marriage, particularly after a death, is premised on the capacity for people to love more than once - equally.

On the other hand, some second marriages are built more on the desire for companionship than burning love. That isn’t wrong. It is just different.

Either way…what happens to a corpse is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could understand it if he was a widow (aka his first wife died while they were married).

My grandfather’s wife died at 32 from ovarian cancer and there were 3 kids. He remarried, the grandmother I know, had one more child and a long marriage. When he died (2nd wife alive) he was buried next to the first wife. I think he bought the plot next to her, or there were a few family plots. 10-years later his second wife died and she was buried on the other side of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

Are you a second wife of a widower, by chance? Or are yo a second wife of a divorcee? I'm guessing (hoping) the latter, and that you are bringing your feelings about your own situation, which is entirely different, to this one..

You shouldn't be getting married again if you think it's okay to backseat your current spouse and kids

I’m genuinely curious. Do you care to answer the question?

You're the poster who always shows up in these thread claiming that second spouses just have to deal, WEll guess what? You being a widower/widow does not give you the right to to treat your new partner or spouse like shit. You don't get to be a dick to them, ignore their feelings and say, but oh well I lost my spouse. Not how it works. When you decide to be in a relationship again and be married again that current person's feelings are above your own. If you can't do that stay single

Wow, OK I guess I have my answer.

And FWIW, there is a big difference between a single choice on burial location and “being a duck” and treating a second spouse “like shit.”

[Anonymous]

Just get cremated. Done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

Are you a second wife of a widower, by chance? Or are yo a second wife of a divorcee? I'm guessing (hoping) the latter, and that you are bringing your feelings about your own situation, which is entirely different, to this one..

You shouldn't be getting married again if you think it's okay to backseat your current spouse and kids

I’m genuinely curious. Do you care to answer the question?

You're the poster who always shows up in these thread claiming that second spouses just have to deal, WEll guess what? You being a widower/widow does not give you the right to to treat your new partner or spouse like shit. You don't get to be a dick to them, ignore their feelings and say, but oh well I lost my spouse. Not how it works. When you decide to be in a relationship again and be married again that current person's feelings are above your own. If you can't do that stay single

Wow, OK I guess I have my answer.

And FWIW, there is a big difference between a single choice on burial location and “being a duck” and treating a second spouse “like shit.”

Not everyone agree with you that being a widow/widower gives you cart blanche. , but keep thinking you can ignore your current partner, not care about their feelings and see how long your relationship lasts.