Would it bother you if your husband wanted to be buried beside his first wife and child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could understand it if he was a widow (aka his first wife died while they were married).

My grandfather’s wife died at 32 from ovarian cancer and there were 3 kids. He remarried, the grandmother I know, had one more child and a long marriage. When he died (2nd wife alive) he was buried next to the first wife. I think he bought the plot next to her, or there were a few family plots. 10-years later his second wife died and she was buried on the other side of him.

That makes sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandma remarried after her first husband (my dad’s dad) died young. And the man she remarried was also a widower with children. When they died they each were buried with their first spouses.

Looking into several family histories (not just my own) this scenario was not uncommon. Sometimes high 1st and 2nd spouse are together with their common husband/wife.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The old adage about second marriages is true.

I would be regretting building a life with him. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t make someone choose you. He didn’t want to be lonely, which is understandable, but it does suck for you.

It tells the 2nd wife exactly how he feels about her. However, if we spent a lot of years together I would make sure NOT to bury him with the 1st wife. In the end it would be up to her anyways.

He should be cremated. Pour his ashes in the ocean. Problem solved.

The real problem was the second marriage wasn't important to him. It seems many just marry to not be alone, what it tells me.

Why does it say that? Why wouldn't the inverse be true- that burying next to the second wife sent the message the first wife wasn't important?

Umm because he should be focused on the marriage he is in now. Of course your current marriage should be more important than your ex. Otherwise why stand up and make vows and get married then if your ex is still more important in your heart even if they are deceased. Figure that out in your heart before you get married again.

Are you a second wife of a widower, by chance? Or are yo a second wife of a divorcee? I'm guessing (hoping) the latter, and that you are bringing your feelings about your own situation, which is entirely different, to this one..

You shouldn't be getting married again if you think it's okay to backseat your current spouse and kids

I’m genuinely curious. Do you care to answer the question?

You're the poster who always shows up in these thread claiming that second spouses just have to deal, WEll guess what? You being a widower/widow does not give you the right to to treat your new partner or spouse like shit. You don't get to be a dick to them, ignore their feelings and say, but oh well I lost my spouse. Not how it works. When you decide to be in a relationship again and be married again that current person's feelings are above your own. If you can't do that stay single

Wow, OK I guess I have my answer.

And FWIW, there is a big difference between a single choice on burial location and “being a duck” and treating a second spouse “like shit.”

Not everyone agree with you that being a widow/widower gives you cart blanche. , but keep thinking you can ignore your current partner, not care about their feelings and see how long your relationship lasts.

If you are sincere, I say this with the best of intentions- seek help.

The level of projection here is concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could understand it if he was a widow (aka his first wife died while they were married).

My grandfather’s wife died at 32 from ovarian cancer and there were 3 kids. He remarried, the grandmother I know, had one more child and a long marriage. When he died (2nd wife alive) he was buried next to the first wife. I think he bought the plot next to her, or there were a few family plots. 10-years later his second wife died and she was buried on the other side of him.

Also- I was 14 at the time my grandfather died but I don’t remember any animosity about that choice. My dad made a joke about the lucky bastard getting two women to cut the grief. It was an Irish Catholic funeral. My mom and her 3 brothers has a very close relationship with their step-mom (never referred to her as a step). I didn’t even know about my maternal grandmother until around that time. The kids were so young when she died, but my mom shared memory if being snuck up the freight elevator to see her in the hospital because kids were not allowed back in the 1940s. But to take on 3 kids, ultimately having 3 boys and 1 daughter, was pretty selfless. And the story goes my mom (6 at the time) put up a fight, wrote nasty letters when her dad was on their honeymoon which she and my grandma laughed about later. Pretty understandable for a kid that lost her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could understand it if he was a widow (aka his first wife died while they were married).

My grandfather’s wife died at 32 from ovarian cancer and there were 3 kids. He remarried, the grandmother I know, had one more child and a long marriage. When he died (2nd wife alive) he was buried next to the first wife. I think he bought the plot next to her, or there were a few family plots. 10-years later his second wife died and she was buried on the other side of him.

That makes sense to me.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandma remarried after her first husband (my dad’s dad) died young. And the man she remarried was also a widower with children. When they died they each were buried with their first spouses.

Looking into several family histories (not just my own) this scenario was not uncommon. Sometimes high 1st and 2nd spouse are together with their common husband/wife.

This was at Yale-New Haven cemetery which soon became full.

I think today, given space constraints in cemeteries, it makes it not possible to do so unless the plots were bought ahead of time.

My dad was cremated and my mom will be too. This is much more common in 2021.

[Anonymous]

Ever read the last story in Dubliners? The guy's wife pines after a boy that died years ago as her true love. The snow falls on all the living and the dead. Worst kind of h&ll to be with someone that will never fully love you.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who finds it bizarre how much people care about where their body decomposes? You are dead people!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who finds it bizarre how much people care about where their body decomposes? You are dead people!!

My grandfather used to say he didn’t care what happened to his body once he was dead, just throw his naked body in the gutter . He was a trip. My dad also didn’t want a funeral or a wake, people looking at him when he was dead. He had too many bad memories of wailing Sicilian women at funerals when he was a kid. He was scarred by one when his friend in high school’s mother died. And this was a man that went to Catholic school from kindergarten through graduate school.

We threw a nice loud party at one of his favorite restaurants, with music and his favorite foods and his favorite friends and family. He was cremated. I know he would have loved it.

[Anonymous]

I'm dead; I don't care.
He's dead, his wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who finds it bizarre how much people care about where their body decomposes? You are dead people!!

My grandfather used to say he didn’t care what happened to his body once he was dead, just throw his naked body in the gutter . He was a trip. My dad also didn’t want a funeral or a wake, people looking at him when he was dead. He had too many bad memories of wailing Sicilian women at funerals when he was a kid. He was scarred by one when his friend in high school’s mother died. And this was a man that went to Catholic school from kindergarten through graduate school.

We threw a nice loud party at one of his favorite restaurants, with music and his favorite foods and his favorite friends and family. He was cremated. I know he would have loved it.

I don't care one tiny bit.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care if he wanted to be next to his girlfriend, sugar baby, cat or dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the child is the key thing here. I can absolutely understand wanting to be buried with your child who died as a child. I’d want to do the same thing.

If it were just the first wife, I don’t know. I’d probably want to see if there was a way for us to all be buried together. But I also think as you get older, these things matter less to you.

I have an aunt whose husband (my uncle) was tragically killed several years ago. She ended up remarrying his best friend, and my uncle still plays a large role in their marriage. Their wedding rings have all three of their names on it, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were all buried together. I think as you get older, relationships become less about being possessive of another person, and more about sharing love, no matter what that looks like.

There's so much wrong in this scenario.

It sounds like Rebecca and Miguel in This Is Us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't care if he wanted to be next to his girlfriend, sugar baby, cat or dog.

If my husband was cheating on me I wouldn't care where he was buried either.

[Anonymous]

My father in law lost his first wife to cancer. He remarried and had a beautiful second love who respected his loss. He is now buried next to first wife and she has the plot on the other side. She isn’t upset about it at all. It tells the true story and he loved both wives very much. She has no jealousy.