Texting a lot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is a toddler and should be in a group daycare/preschool. Where there will be teachers, and other kids to interact with and learn social skills. Not be with 1 nanny all day. Therein lies the bigger problem.

Young toddlers don’t need to play with other children. In fact, 1-2yo learn more from an adult tha they do from socializing with peers. At that age, I fa still parallel play, and there’s sufficient opportunities at the park. Once they’re 3-4yo and playing together, group care makes sense.

At age two they really do need to be in a small group. That's where they learn associative play.
We often noticed children who were with mom all day, or the nanny were more difficult. Separation anxiety, and difficulties getting along with a bigger group.
OP's child is over two. A nanny who texts all day - NO!

Any child of any age who stays home all the time and doesn’t socialize won’t be able to function immediately in groups. But a nanny or sahm can supplement superior care at home (where the ratio is much, much lower!) with occasional group activities and get the same benefits as the child serves from group care with none of the drawbacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is a toddler and should be in a group daycare/preschool. Where there will be teachers, and other kids to interact with and learn social skills. Not be with 1 nanny all day. Therein lies the bigger problem.

Young toddlers don’t need to play with other children. In fact, 1-2yo learn more from an adult tha they do from socializing with peers. At that age, I fa still parallel play, and there’s sufficient opportunities at the park. Once they’re 3-4yo and playing together, group care makes sense.

At age two they really do need to be in a small group. That's where they learn associative play.
We often noticed children who were with mom all day, or the nanny were more difficult. Separation anxiety, and difficulties getting along with a bigger group.
OP's child is over two. A nanny who texts all day - NO!

Any child of any age who stays home all the time and doesn’t socialize won’t be able to function immediately in groups. But a nanny or sahm can supplement superior care at home (where the ratio is much, much lower!) with occasional group activities and get the same benefits as the child serves from group care with none of the drawbacks.

Teachers see it all the time. The kids at home have a hard time adjusting to a schedule. Not to mention social problems.

Even p/t daycare or preschool would be beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is a toddler and should be in a group daycare/preschool. Where there will be teachers, and other kids to interact with and learn social skills. Not be with 1 nanny all day. Therein lies the bigger problem.

Young toddlers don’t need to play with other children. In fact, 1-2yo learn more from an adult tha they do from socializing with peers. At that age, I fa still parallel play, and there’s sufficient opportunities at the park. Once they’re 3-4yo and playing together, group care makes sense.

At age two they really do need to be in a small group. That's where they learn associative play.
We often noticed children who were with mom all day, or the nanny were more difficult. Separation anxiety, and difficulties getting along with a bigger group.
OP's child is over two. A nanny who texts all day - NO!

Any child of any age who stays home all the time and doesn’t socialize won’t be able to function immediately in groups. But a nanny or sahm can supplement superior care at home (where the ratio is much, much lower!) with occasional group activities and get the same benefits as the child serves from group care with none of the drawbacks.

Teachers see it all the time. The kids at home have a hard time adjusting to a schedule. Not to mention social problems.

Even p/t daycare or preschool would be beneficial.

Disagree. Most kids acclimate to kindergarten within two weeks, whether they’ve been in group care before or not.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to note that I was a SAHM pre-Covid and most of the things I did with my kid I was around a lot of nannies. Storytime, playground, music class, etc.. And yes, I knew they were nannies not parents, because I talked to them and got to know many them. One of them is now our occasional babysitter because I got to know her on the playground and she likes our family and I know she's great with kids.

And yes, upwards of 50% of nannies spend a significant amount of time when they are caring for kids on their phones. Sorry. I'm not judging. It actually made me feel better about my occasional phone use, and some of those nannies taught me how to to let my kid be more independent on the playground once she was old enough. I learned to sit on a bench and read a book or look at my phone and check in on her every few minutes, but not have to go around and play with her the whole time (well, sometimes she'd ask for this and I did it but she also learned to be independent).

But yeah, some of the nannies it was a problem where you could tell they were just totally checked out. I think it's less of an issue if it's a share or there are siblings, and the kids play well together. And I think it's less of an issue with a newborn who is sleeping all the time, or with an older kid who is focused on other kids. But yes, there are lots and lots of nannies of kids age 6-24mo who just are not interacting that much with the kids.

At our library story time, this was such an issue that the librarians would come out at the beginning of story time to make a clear announcement that adults could not be on their phones during story time, and were expected to sit with the kids and interact in the story time. It got a little better after they started cracking down (before that, one group of nannies would sit in the back of the room and take to each other and stare at their phones while their kids wandered around the room -- it was very disruptive), but still not great.

Anyway, if you think your nanny never looks at her phone when alone with your kids, you are probably wrong. Some nannies don't, but A LOT do. It's the same as with parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is a toddler and should be in a group daycare/preschool. Where there will be teachers, and other kids to interact with and learn social skills. Not be with 1 nanny all day. Therein lies the bigger problem.

Young toddlers don’t need to play with other children. In fact, 1-2yo learn more from an adult tha they do from socializing with peers. At that age, I fa still parallel play, and there’s sufficient opportunities at the park. Once they’re 3-4yo and playing together, group care makes sense.

At age two they really do need to be in a small group. That's where they learn associative play.
We often noticed children who were with mom all day, or the nanny were more difficult. Separation anxiety, and difficulties getting along with a bigger group.
OP's child is over two. A nanny who texts all day - NO!

Any child of any age who stays home all the time and doesn’t socialize won’t be able to function immediately in groups. But a nanny or sahm can supplement superior care at home (where the ratio is much, much lower!) with occasional group activities and get the same benefits as the child serves from group care with none of the drawbacks.

Teachers see it all the time. The kids at home have a hard time adjusting to a schedule. Not to mention social problems.

Even p/t daycare or preschool would be beneficial.

Eh, it's not that straightforward. Most nannies and SAHMs put their kids on a schedule -- kids need it and it makes your job easier. Plus since kids need it even a kid who was on a less rigid schedule at home will usually acclimate pretty quickly to a school schedule because it feeds their need for consistency and knowing what's going to happen.

Sometimes there are social adjustment issues, but those are as likely to be a child feeling shy because they are unused to playing in a big group, as a child being aggressive because they are unused sharing toys or attention. And a good nanny or SAHM will have gotten the child plenty of socialization via play groups and classes (during non-Covid times), so this might not even be an issue at all. Plus it's not like daycares and preschools turn out universally perfect children. Behavioral issues arise for any number of reasons. Also, some daycares and preschools are actively bad.

One major benefit to a nanny or SAHM is that toddlers are building their sense of self and having a dedicated caregiver who provides them with lots of attention and support generally gives them a very secure sense of their place in the world. There is a transition period when they begin school where it is scary to lose that 24/7 care. But after the transition period, and when they discover that their family is still there and supporting them when they get home from school, they really benefit from that secure sense of self and belonging. This can head off behavioral issues not just in K but way down the line. Secure attachment and a sense of safety and security in early childhood years has a very long-lasting positive impact on kids. Kids can absolutely get this in daycare too (and some kids are more likely to get it in daycare than at home, actually), but that is one reason why kids coming from good SAHM/nanny arrangements tend to adjust well to school environments despite not having as many opportunities to socialize first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to note that I was a SAHM pre-Covid and most of the things I did with my kid I was around a lot of nannies. Storytime, playground, music class, etc.. And yes, I knew they were nannies not parents, because I talked to them and got to know many them. One of them is now our occasional babysitter because I got to know her on the playground and she likes our family and I know she's great with kids.

And yes, upwards of 50% of nannies spend a significant amount of time when they are caring for kids on their phones. Sorry. I'm not judging. It actually made me feel better about my occasional phone use, and some of those nannies taught me how to to let my kid be more independent on the playground once she was old enough. I learned to sit on a bench and read a book or look at my phone and check in on her every few minutes, but not have to go around and play with her the whole time (well, sometimes she'd ask for this and I did it but she also learned to be independent).

But yeah, some of the nannies it was a problem where you could tell they were just totally checked out. I think it's less of an issue if it's a share or there are siblings, and the kids play well together. And I think it's less of an issue with a newborn who is sleeping all the time, or with an older kid who is focused on other kids. But yes, there are lots and lots of nannies of kids age 6-24mo who just are not interacting that much with the kids.

At our library story time, this was such an issue that the librarians would come out at the beginning of story time to make a clear announcement that adults could not be on their phones during story time, and were expected to sit with the kids and interact in the story time. It got a little better after they started cracking down (before that, one group of nannies would sit in the back of the room and take to each other and stare at their phones while their kids wandered around the room -- it was very disruptive), but still not great.

Anyway, if you think your nanny never looks at her phone when alone with your kids, you are probably wrong. Some nannies don't, but A LOT do. It's the same as with parents.

In the preschool most of the social problems were from kids that only had a nanny to interact with. Or mom. A nanny only benefits the parent, or a very young child or infant. By two they need to be introduced to a good program with other children. Not a once in a while play date, but a weekly schedule. Then by Kindergarten they should adapt very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to note that I was a SAHM pre-Covid and most of the things I did with my kid I was around a lot of nannies. Storytime, playground, music class, etc.. And yes, I knew they were nannies not parents, because I talked to them and got to know many them. One of them is now our occasional babysitter because I got to know her on the playground and she likes our family and I know she's great with kids.

And yes, upwards of 50% of nannies spend a significant amount of time when they are caring for kids on their phones. Sorry. I'm not judging. It actually made me feel better about my occasional phone use, and some of those nannies taught me how to to let my kid be more independent on the playground once she was old enough. I learned to sit on a bench and read a book or look at my phone and check in on her every few minutes, but not have to go around and play with her the whole time (well, sometimes she'd ask for this and I did it but she also learned to be independent).

But yeah, some of the nannies it was a problem where you could tell they were just totally checked out. I think it's less of an issue if it's a share or there are siblings, and the kids play well together. And I think it's less of an issue with a newborn who is sleeping all the time, or with an older kid who is focused on other kids. But yes, there are lots and lots of nannies of kids age 6-24mo who just are not interacting that much with the kids.

At our library story time, this was such an issue that the librarians would come out at the beginning of story time to make a clear announcement that adults could not be on their phones during story time, and were expected to sit with the kids and interact in the story time. It got a little better after they started cracking down (before that, one group of nannies would sit in the back of the room and take to each other and stare at their phones while their kids wandered around the room -- it was very disruptive), but still not great.

Anyway, if you think your nanny never looks at her phone when alone with your kids, you are probably wrong. Some nannies don't, but A LOT do. It's the same as with parents.

In the preschool most of the social problems were from kids that only had a nanny to interact with. Or mom. A nanny only benefits the parent, or a very young child or infant. By two they need to be introduced to a good program with other children. Not a once in a while play date, but a weekly schedule. Then by Kindergarten they should adapt very well.

Again, the data doesn't support that at all.

[Anonymous]

Yes the studies do support the success with preschool. A toddler should at least be in a p/t program of some sort.

https://learningpolicyinstitute.org/press-release/what-does-research-really-say-about-preschool-effectiveness


https://www.rasmussen.edu/degrees/education/blog/why-preschool-important-myths/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to keep her phone in her bag and use it only when your child is asleep. End of discussion.

Our nanny never takes her phone out of her backpack. We got her an Apple Watch as a signing bonus for 911 and other emergencies as well as DH and I texting. Our nanny is older and not addicted to her phone. She’s also more opposed to screens than we are.

hi OP from the other thread! so it worked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When everything was open this was pretty standard to see at playgrounds and library story time.

First, how can you possibly know who was a nanny and who was a parent? Our nanny is older and white and everyone assumes she is my children’s grandmother. My best friend is Latina with two blonde children and everyone assumes she’s the nanny.

Second, even if you were correct, it isn’t right, fair, or safe for any caregiver - parent, nanny, grandparent - to be distracted by the phone when watching children.

DP here and our nanny is never on her phone either at home or outside. My SAHM friends and neighbors confirm it and I work from home so I know.

Did you ever go to library time with your child?

Sure! Neither nanny nor I were on our phones.

+1. Pre-covid, when our library had storytime, phones weren’t allowed. Same with our old Music Together class. Not even to take pictures.

Really? That's lovely! Good for the library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is a toddler and should be in a group daycare/preschool. Where there will be teachers, and other kids to interact with and learn social skills. Not be with 1 nanny all day. Therein lies the bigger problem.

Young toddlers don’t need to play with other children. In fact, 1-2yo learn more from an adult tha they do from socializing with peers. At that age, I fa still parallel play, and there’s sufficient opportunities at the park. Once they’re 3-4yo and playing together, group care makes sense.

At age two they really do need to be in a small group. That's where they learn associative play.
We often noticed children who were with mom all day, or the nanny were more difficult. Separation anxiety, and difficulties getting along with a bigger group.
OP's child is over two. A nanny who texts all day - NO!

Any child of any age who stays home all the time and doesn’t socialize won’t be able to function immediately in groups. But a nanny or sahm can supplement superior care at home (where the ratio is much, much lower!) with occasional group activities and get the same benefits as the child serves from group care with none of the drawbacks.

Teachers see it all the time. The kids at home have a hard time adjusting to a schedule. Not to mention social problems.

Even p/t daycare or preschool would be beneficial.

Eh, it's not that straightforward. Most nannies and SAHMs put their kids on a schedule -- kids need it and it makes your job easier. Plus since kids need it even a kid who was on a less rigid schedule at home will usually acclimate pretty quickly to a school schedule because it feeds their need for consistency and knowing what's going to happen.

Sometimes there are social adjustment issues, but those are as likely to be a child feeling shy because they are unused to playing in a big group, as a child being aggressive because they are unused sharing toys or attention. And a good nanny or SAHM will have gotten the child plenty of socialization via play groups and classes (during non-Covid times), so this might not even be an issue at all. Plus it's not like daycares and preschools turn out universally perfect children. Behavioral issues arise for any number of reasons. Also, some daycares and preschools are actively bad.

One major benefit to a nanny or SAHM is that toddlers are building their sense of self and having a dedicated caregiver who provides them with lots of attention and support generally gives them a very secure sense of their place in the world. There is a transition period when they begin school where it is scary to lose that 24/7 care. But after the transition period, and when they discover that their family is still there and supporting them when they get home from school, they really benefit from that secure sense of self and belonging. This can head off behavioral issues not just in K but way down the line. Secure attachment and a sense of safety and security in early childhood years has a very long-lasting positive impact on kids. Kids can absolutely get this in daycare too (and some kids are more likely to get it in daycare than at home, actually), but that is one reason why kids coming from good SAHM/nanny arrangements tend to adjust well to school environments despite not having as many opportunities to socialize first.

+1

Also - you sound like you know something about this topic! Thanks for contributing.

[Anonymous]

I'll trust the research first. OP you probably want to start thinking about a program for your child soon.


https://www.nu.edu/resources/why-is-early-childhood-education-important/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This commonplace acceptance of nannies and parents on their phones when they should be watching or engaged with their children has to stop. Newsflash: you really can work without looking at your phone for hours at a time. Aside from the dangers of not paying attention outside or in public places, I can’t believe that phone use will not have a negative effect on little kids who can intuit that mommy or nanny’s phone is more interesting or important than they are.

Yes! This makes me so sad. Working from home is hard. I am in the house and I know my kids are in the house with the nanny and I see so much more than I did before COVID. I'll walk into a room and see my toddler playing by himself and my nanny looking at her phone and then snap to it when she notices me (usually its when my son says MOMMY!). I have some weird a$$ guilt about confronting her because I understand how draining caring for a toddler and a newborn can be. But it eats at me. And here's my question for people who say you can avoid this by paying high $$ for a nanny: What is the dollar amount? Because I think we pay pretty well.

Imagine when you aren't there. Can you put the kids in preschool or a more structured program? There are many good ones which will benefit your kids much more than a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

This is her job, like any job, phone use would not be allowed while working. It is a so odd that people feel being on their phone is part of their job description, especially when all her attention should be watching and engaging your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just started with a new nanny. She seems very competent and came highly recommended, but there is one thing that's bugging me - she is texting on her phone all the time. We have asked to limit phone use to only what's absolutely necessary, but the phone is on the floor in the playroom, she is checking it a lot. The child is 2.5 and doesn't use screens at all, no cartoons, no games, nothing. I don't want him to watch her interact with the device all the time. If you were able to curb the phone use by the nanny - how did you go about accomplishing do that?

I agree with others. Time for more structure in a small group at age 2.5.