Wedding vs Funeral

[Anonymous]

Wedding for sure. Send your regards, connect with your parents, and all of that. But funerals are not for the dead.

[Anonymous]

Grandma won’t know the difference if you’re not at the funeral. An absent MOH will mess up the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Definitely the wedding. People will understand. My son couldn't be at his grandmother's memorial because he didn't have enough leave time and it was far away. He was the only grandchild who could not make it, but the others were in town or not working/younger. It did not bother me at all. He made it to one grandmother and one grandfather's funeral (different sides of the family). He missed one due to college finals. Totally acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Wedding, life is for the living.

[Anonymous]

Wedding

[Anonymous]

There is no right or wrong here, OP. Go with your gut and don’t look back.

Is there any zoom component of the wedding that you could log into?

[Anonymous]

^ funeral I mean

[Anonymous]

Wedding.

[Anonymous]

Probably the wedding BUT the big X factor is the wants/needs of your parent whose parent just died.

My mom would want me to go to the wedding, and she would be surrounded by other loved ones at the funeral. Same with my dad. But if my parent was devastated, particularly if the death was sudden, and I was an only child or my parent’s primary support system, that could change my answer.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world didn’t your family check with close family members about the timing of the funeral? They should have checked with all the kids and presumably your mom (or dad) would have known about your conflict. I would stick with the wedding (and see family on Saturday morning).

[Anonymous]

Wedding.

[Anonymous]

Go to the wedding, and go to the wake the day before the funeral. Do not feel guilty. You barely knew your grandma, you were not close, and your mom will need support after the funeral anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me this is a no brainer. I would say funeral because it's the funeral because it's the funeral of a direct family member and family comes first.

You yourself may not have been close to your grandmother but whichever one of your parents just lost their parent I'm sure are going to want to be surrounded by their children.

+1 I would be mortified to tell people that I chose to go to a wedding over my grandmother's funeral. It speaks loads to a lack of character to go to a wedding rather than your grandmother's funeral. Sheesh. How is this even a question!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me this is a no brainer. I would say funeral because it's the funeral because it's the funeral of a direct family member and family comes first.

You yourself may not have been close to your grandmother but whichever one of your parents just lost their parent I'm sure are going to want to be surrounded by their children.

+1 I would be mortified to tell people that I chose to go to a wedding over my grandmother's funeral. It speaks loads to a lack of character to go to a wedding rather than your grandmother's funeral. Sheesh. How is this even a question!?![/quote


I am not the OP but dear lord simmer down. If the majority of people are giving the same response which very rarely happens on DCUM then maybe you need to look at your reasoning.

It's not just a wedding. It's her very best friend and she had a major role in the wedding a role that she already committed to. So no I don't think the answer is obvious in this case. If OP was invited as just a guest and it was just a regular friend and she didn't have a role in the wedding my answer would most definitely be the funeral.

If your read her post it appears she is super close to her friend but not close to her grandma. She said she plans on sending a nice bouquet of flowers to the funeral home and attending the wake. Her grieving parent will still be grieving before and after the funeral thus OP has many opportunities to sit with her grieving parent and comfort them the funeral isn't the only place to do that.

Where as most likely her best friend only has one MOH and one wedding day.

Also you have to keep in mind many people prefer to be around happy settings and become very uncomfortable in sad or upsetting situations. Their feelings matter too.

I know this will sound harsh but life still goes on. People can't expect that when someone dies everyone's other commitments they already made have to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me this is a no brainer. I would say funeral because it's the funeral because it's the funeral of a direct family member and family comes first.

You yourself may not have been close to your grandmother but whichever one of your parents just lost their parent I'm sure are going to want to be surrounded by their children.

+1 I would be mortified to tell people that I chose to go to a wedding over my grandmother's funeral. It speaks loads to a lack of character to go to a wedding rather than your grandmother's funeral. Sheesh. How is this even a question!?![/quote


I am not the OP but dear lord simmer down. If the majority of people are giving the same response which very rarely happens on DCUM then maybe you need to look at your reasoning.

It's not just a wedding. It's her very best friend and she had a major role in the wedding a role that she already committed to. So no I don't think the answer is obvious in this case. If OP was invited as just a guest and it was just a regular friend and she didn't have a role in the wedding my answer would most definitely be the funeral.

If your read her post it appears she is super close to her friend but not close to her grandma. She said she plans on sending a nice bouquet of flowers to the funeral home and attending the wake. Her grieving parent will still be grieving before and after the funeral thus OP has many opportunities to sit with her grieving parent and comfort them the funeral isn't the only place to do that.

Where as most likely her best friend only has one MOH and one wedding day.

Also you have to keep in mind many people prefer to be around happy settings and become very uncomfortable in sad or upsetting situations. Their feelings matter too.

I know this will sound harsh but life still goes on. People can't expect that when someone dies everyone's other commitments they already made have to stop.