Wedding vs Funeral

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me this is a no brainer. I would say funeral because it's the funeral because it's the funeral of a direct family member and family comes first.

You yourself may not have been close to your grandmother but whichever one of your parents just lost their parent I'm sure are going to want to be surrounded by their children.

+1 I would be mortified to tell people that I chose to go to a wedding over my grandmother's funeral. It speaks loads to a lack of character to go to a wedding rather than your grandmother's funeral. Sheesh. How is this even a question!?!

Give me a break clearly it isn't that important to OP to be there because OP's parent who just lost her parent scheduled it on the day I'm sure she was aware of her child being MOH in a wedding sooo your theory of it being oh so important for OP to be there goes out the window.

[Anonymous]

To me, family comes first. In your situation though, I'd go to the wedding. I think you have a good plan of attending wake the night before.
Sorry about your loss.

[Anonymous]

I would say funeral all the way. Families are different, but within my family and our community or culture, this wouldn’t even be a question. One does not attend a funeral for the deceased but for the survivors. Just being there and able to share grief can be very helpful to those around you. And sometimes at a funeral it can be very helpful to have folks there who are not as close to the deceased who can help to facilitate conversations in the event. And as far as the conflict and plan times, funerals happen when they need to happen, often taking into account availability, many family members needs, and really can’t revolve around one family member. And my community at least, it is simply expected that people will change other plans and would be not taken at all badly by people day canceled on.Yes, even for a wedding. I would actually think the bride and bride’s family would think it very strange for you to go to the wedding when it’s your grandmothers funeral. That said, families and cultures and communities are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, family comes first. In your situation though, I'd go to the wedding. I think you have a good plan of attending wake the night before.
Sorry about your loss.

To some a best friend is on the same level as family or even are considered as family especially if they have been friends for many years.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but to me the funeral all the way. Yes she is your best friend and I get people can be super close to their best friend but one of OP's parents just lost their parent. So for all those posters saying OMG but it's a best friend yes that may be the case but no matter how close you are to your best friend do you really think a best friend trumps the people who raised you?

[Anonymous]

Can you talk with your parents? If so they'll probably say without hesitation, GO TO THE WEDDING!

[Anonymous]

I’d think it depends on your relationship with your parents and your parent’s relationship with your grandmother. If I knew my parent took the loss hard - and if I was close to my parent - I’d attend the funeral without a second thought. As a PP mentioned, funerals are for the survivors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me this is a no brainer. I would say funeral because it's the funeral because it's the funeral of a direct family member and family comes first.

You yourself may not have been close to your grandmother but whichever one of your parents just lost their parent I'm sure are going to want to be surrounded by their children.

+1 I would be mortified to tell people that I chose to go to a wedding over my grandmother's funeral. It speaks loads to a lack of character to go to a wedding rather than your grandmother's funeral. Sheesh. How is this even a question!?!

Give me a break clearly it isn't that important to OP to be there because OP's parent who just lost her parent scheduled it on the day I'm sure she was aware of her child being MOH in a wedding sooo your theory of it being oh so important for OP to be there goes out the window.

It isn't important to be there to represent and also to support her parent? Jeez. You have no value system at all. And if I were the bride who heard my "friend" skipped her grandparent's funeral to be at my wedding ... that would be a "friend" I would drop in a hurry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but to me the funeral all the way. Yes she is your best friend and I get people can be super close to their best friend but one of OP's parents just lost their parent. So for all those posters saying OMG but it's a best friend yes that may be the case but no matter how close you are to your best friend do you really think a best friend trumps the people who raised you?

+1

[Anonymous]

If you were my kid, I would want you to go to the wedding. But funerals are not that meaningful to me generally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me this is a no brainer. I would say funeral because it's the funeral because it's the funeral of a direct family member and family comes first.

You yourself may not have been close to your grandmother but whichever one of your parents just lost their parent I'm sure are going to want to be surrounded by their children.

+1 I would be mortified to tell people that I chose to go to a wedding over my grandmother's funeral. It speaks loads to a lack of character to go to a wedding rather than your grandmother's funeral. Sheesh. How is this even a question!?!

Give me a break clearly it isn't that important to OP to be there because OP's parent who just lost her parent scheduled it on the day I'm sure she was aware of her child being MOH in a wedding sooo your theory of it being oh so important for OP to be there goes out the window.

It isn't important to be there to represent and also to support her parent? Jeez. You have no value system at all. And if I were the bride who heard my "friend" skipped her grandparent's funeral to be at my wedding ... that would be a "friend" I would drop in a hurry.

Why can't both be important to the OP. Clearly she is going to the wake and sending flowers and she made it clear she will be there for her parent before and after the funeral. I'm sorry you're so judgemental that you would drop a friend for having different priorities than you. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who is that judgmental anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but to me the funeral all the way. Yes she is your best friend and I get people can be super close to their best friend but one of OP's parents just lost their parent. So for all those posters saying OMG but it's a best friend yes that may be the case but no matter how close you are to your best friend do you really think a best friend trumps the people who raised you?

+1[/quot

See I don't see doing your job as a parent means your kid is now in a position where they "owe" you their support. Like I said up above many people see their closest friends as family. Supporting her friend on one of the biggest days of her life may be important to her. You really aren't in OP's everyday life to see what ways she may be supporting her grieving parent in other ways. Maybe she did grocery shopping for that parent, maybe she cleaned the house, maybe she cooked a meal. You just don't know

[Anonymous]

Ohh boy here comes the crowds rallying around saying playing the martar saying that because someone raised you you are forever indebted to them to be there. You choose to have children it's literally your job to raise that child that you choose to have it doesn't mean they owe it to you to be by their side for every life event. Your child has things going on to. This parent presumably has a spouse, other family, other children, friends etc..where this friend has one wedding and one MOH..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me this is a no brainer. I would say funeral because it's the funeral because it's the funeral of a direct family member and family comes first.

You yourself may not have been close to your grandmother but whichever one of your parents just lost their parent I'm sure are going to want to be surrounded by their children.

+1 I would be mortified to tell people that I chose to go to a wedding over my grandmother's funeral. It speaks loads to a lack of character to go to a wedding rather than your grandmother's funeral. Sheesh. How is this even a question!?!

Give me a break clearly it isn't that important to OP to be there because OP's parent who just lost her parent scheduled it on the day I'm sure she was aware of her child being MOH in a wedding sooo your theory of it being oh so important for OP to be there goes out the window.

It isn't important to be there to represent and also to support her parent? Jeez. You have no value system at all. And if I were the bride who heard my "friend" skipped her grandparent's funeral to be at my wedding ... that would be a "friend" I would drop in a hurry.

Also if it was that crucial to be there don't you think they would have made an effort to schedule the date around OP's prior commitment so she could be there. Clearly it isn't a big enough deal to them

[Anonymous]

Immediate family member > best friend