Wedding vs Funeral

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immediate family member > best friend

Living person > dead person

I’m someone who is very attached to funerals and rituals around grief and think they are very important. That said, life is for the living. A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Op is not just a guest, she’s the MOH. That’s a commitment she likely made months ago. If op were considered an important person in planning the timing of the funeral, it wouldn’t have been scheduled for the day she had such an important prior commitment. Her parent will have a lot of support the day of the funeral. Op will be there for her parent long after those crowds leave. She’s not needed the day of the funeral. Her work will come later.

[Anonymous]

At this point I think both events are imminent. There's no way I'd leave my BF in the lurch after planning to be in her wedding. Your compromise sounds like the best path.

[Anonymous]

My family is of the you-always-go-to-a-funeral philosophy, but my in-laws are not (as in they were surprised when my DH went to his grandfather's funeral). So it depends a bit on what your family's general attitude is and also whether your parent could use your support. It sounds like your parent is not worried about that based on the scheduling.

I was MOH for a friend (not a best friend or even a close friend, very weird situation) the weekend my grandfather passed. My mom was driving out of town to be at his side when he died, but told me to head off to the wedding, which surprised me, but I went with it.

I think your plan of going to the viewing and the wedding seems like a good one. If for some reason you change your mind and decided to skip the wedding, maybe you can arrange to prerecord your toast or something else special for the bride.

[Anonymous]

This must be one of those cultural differences people never talk about because it would be unimaginable in my family or culture to not attend the funeral of a close family member. This is not a third cousin or Aunt Hilda's stepson's nephew's second wife. This is your grandparent.

DCUM rarely surprises me but I'm shocked at the number of people who wouldn't pay their respects to a grandparent and be there for their own mom or dad as they grieve.

[Anonymous]

Wedding.

Also, funerals are for the living, not the dead. You can certainly say goodbye to your grandma any way you want.