If your kid asks how they played, do you tell the truth?

[Anonymous]

Taking constructive criticism is a pretty big part of being a successful adult. I say the same thing to my U13 son if he asks me how I think he did. One game - he seemed slow, wasn't marking on defense. Next game - he played awesome, stopped several goals. Why wouldn't I give him my thoughts if he asks?
Now if he doesn't ask... that is a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care if you played D3 soccer you don't actually know what you are talking about. You are not stating fact, you are expressing your emotional opinion.

We don't even talk about the game for 30 minutes after the game ended. We never critique his play.

He will tell us about good plays and bad plays.

I may ask "why did you do this" and he will explain, because his coaches are different, he may do different things for different coaches. He has even pointed out to me when announcers are wrong when they say X should have done Y, they don't know, they don't know the formation or how/who provides backup.

Just stop critiquing your kids play and stop thinking you are "right".

Seriously?
we are so impressed you put a time limit on discussing the game. You clearly know better than everyone else so thank you for sharing your arrogant thoughts and techniquies
What a dick

[Anonymous]

Say, I'm not sure, then ask open ended questions.

This beats all. A kid asks for an opinion, and you are supposed to lie and say you are not sure? I don't advocate for being rude or harsh or offering unsolicited opinions, but if the kid answers, you should give a polite answer with your view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You are the adult act like one.

Say, I'm not sure, then ask open ended questions.

Why at the end of the 1st you sent it long, when you could have possessed?
When you took it to the goal should you have taken 1 less touch?
What happened with the corner kick?

I think an average 13 year old (after an eye roll) will interpret this series of questions as:
1. poor passing choice at the end of the 1st.
2. shoot earlier on goal.
3. bad corner kick.

If those are the type of questions, you are better off just being frank. "Real" open-ended questions are better for younger ages IMO.

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time ever saying anything negative about my son's play. I have bad memories of my Dad commenting negatively on the way I did things in different situations. I don't want that to be part of my son's memories of his Dad. If it is a bad game, my instinct is to completely move on unless my son brings it up.

When I think I see some persistent weakness, I have tried to find ways to help him out - training, discuss with coach, sometimes suggestions etc.. But I take it up sometime later and generally never connect it to any specific game or performance.

[Anonymous]

Say, I'm not sure, then ask open ended questions.

Why at the end of the 1st you sent it long, when you could have possessed?
When you took it to the goal should you have taken 1 less touch?
What happened with the corner kick?


I think an average 13 year old (after an eye roll) will interpret this series of questions as:
1. poor passing choice at the end of the 1st.
2. shoot earlier on goal.
3. bad corner kick.

I agree. This person must have a much younger kid, or be seriously underestimating the intelligence of your average U13 kid.

[Anonymous]

Most likely your kid knows what he did wrong. When kids are playing they have to make quick decisions and they make mistakes. These mistakes are not made by choice. To reduce mistakes they need practice, practice, practice. Muscle memory is the key. If there is a pattern on the kids or TEAM making same mistakes then they need to practice until they master the move to avoid the same mistake over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Most likely your kid knows what he did wrong. When kids are playing they have to make quick decisions and they make mistakes. These mistakes are not made by choice. To reduce mistakes they need practice, practice, practice. Muscle memory is the key. If there is a pattern on the kids or TEAM making same mistakes then they need to practice until they master the move to avoid the same mistake over and over again.

OP here and I agree overall. I am pretty sure the issue in this particular game was due to DS's insomnia the night before, though. It happens from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care if you played D3 soccer you don't actually know what you are talking about. You are not stating fact, you are expressing your emotional opinion.

We don't even talk about the game for 30 minutes after the game ended. We never critique his play.

He will tell us about good plays and bad plays.

I may ask "why did you do this" and he will explain, because his coaches are different, he may do different things for different coaches. He has even pointed out to me when announcers are wrong when they say X should have done Y, they don't know, they don't know the formation or how/who provides backup.

Just stop critiquing your kids play and stop thinking you are "right".

Seriously?
we are so impressed you put a time limit on discussing the game. You clearly know better than everyone else so thank you for sharing your arrogant thoughts and techniquies
What a dick

+1

[Anonymous]

I think what you said was really good. I would have just added, "Let's strategize about what you can do from now on to make sure you're well-rested before games." Then brainstorm with him and help him follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What did your son think? Did you ask him? Personally, I would have asked him how he thought he did. My opinion really doesn't matter because if he thought he played terrible me saying 'great job' would feel hollow.

just curious are you the mom or dad?

I'm the mom. I played soccer in college, but at a small D3. My son knew he was a little off. It was no big deal, I just thought I would answer honestly that he didn't seem his usual self, since he asked. His passes were not as crisp as usual, and his energy was a bit low. It was one game, no huge deal.

What you did is fine. These weirdos with their 30 minute rules should be ignored

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most likely your kid knows what he did wrong. When kids are playing they have to make quick decisions and they make mistakes. These mistakes are not made by choice. To reduce mistakes they need practice, practice, practice. Muscle memory is the key. If there is a pattern on the kids or TEAM making same mistakes then they need to practice until they master the move to avoid the same mistake over and over again.

And that is the best advice one can give. Practice, practice, practice else don’t expect to get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care if you played D3 soccer you don't actually know what you are talking about. You are not stating fact, you are expressing your emotional opinion.

We don't even talk about the game for 30 minutes after the game ended. We never critique his play.

He will tell us about good plays and bad plays.

I may ask "why did you do this" and he will explain, because his coaches are different, he may do different things for different coaches. He has even pointed out to me when announcers are wrong when they say X should have done Y, they don't know, they don't know the formation or how/who provides backup.

Just stop critiquing your kids play and stop thinking you are "right".

Seriously?
we are so impressed you put a time limit on discussing the game. You clearly know better than everyone else so thank you for sharing your arrogant thoughts and techniquies
What a dick

Look somebody that thinks they can give feedback but can't take feedback. Exactly somebody that should not give feedback.

How about this... why not read up on the subject and come back and talk to the rest of us adults.

The 1st 30 minutes after a game a child's adrenaline is still high, you literally can't take information into your brain with adrenaline as opposed to without adrenaline.

Parents, the worst part of soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Say, I'm not sure, then ask open ended questions.

Why at the end of the 1st you sent it long, when you could have possessed?
When you took it to the goal should you have taken 1 less touch?
What happened with the corner kick?


I think an average 13 year old (after an eye roll) will interpret this series of questions as:
1. poor passing choice at the end of the 1st.
2. shoot earlier on goal.
3. bad corner kick.

I agree. This person must have a much younger kid, or be seriously underestimating the intelligence of your average U13 kid.

I have 2 kids that play top 10 D1 sports, but okay.

They also have sports psychologist in college paid for by the school.

Fact... you don't know the game as well as their coach, stop thinking you know better or are "right" or know "the truth".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Say, I'm not sure, then ask open ended questions.

Why at the end of the 1st you sent it long, when you could have possessed?
When you took it to the goal should you have taken 1 less touch?
What happened with the corner kick?


I think an average 13 year old (after an eye roll) will interpret this series of questions as:
1. poor passing choice at the end of the 1st.
2. shoot earlier on goal.
3. bad corner kick.

I agree. This person must have a much younger kid, or be seriously underestimating the intelligence of your average U13 kid.

Also, a kid that knows the game will say

1. We decided to play defense we were up by 1, we only had 2 minutes on the clock and we didn't want to go into 1/2 time tied.
2. I thought the goalie would come out, he didn't so yea in hindsight probably could have shot.
3. I jumped too high it hit my chest instead of my head.

They know, they are smart, their coach is the person that should give them feedback.