If you are Gen X and had your kids in your twenties

[Anonymous]

I have millennial friends who are putting off kids to “travel” (they are mostly working full time and living in small apartments but going on vacations 2 or maybe 3 times a year). I’d never say it to them but I think they are making a mistake. There are definitely trade offs but these people want kids and they are putting this off to take a few weeks of vacation every year. Sure, vacations are fun and all but if you want kids I think it’s worth it to get to it before you are 35-40.

[Anonymous]

I’m gen x and only two of my friends had their first in their 20s, and that was like 28 which everyone thought was sooo young. One friend even got called a teenage mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have millennial friends who are putting off kids to “travel” (they are mostly working full time and living in small apartments but going on vacations 2 or maybe 3 times a year). I’d never say it to them but I think they are making a mistake. There are definitely trade offs but these people want kids and they are putting this off to take a few weeks of vacation every year. Sure, vacations are fun and all but if you want kids I think it’s worth it to get to it before you are 35-40.

I’m a millennial and have 2 kids. So many of my friends are still waiting for the right time but I don’t get it. We all travelled and had fun in our early 20s and it was great but I was ready for the next chapter by my mid-late 20s. Of course there are parts of the world I’d like to explore but no one I know is truly out there traveling all the time and having adventures- they are working a 9-5 and going to Tulum occasionally.

[Anonymous]

I'm a xennial (born in 81) and had my kids at 34 and 38. Don't regret my timeline. My 20s and early 30s were so fun! Went to law school, traveled etc. I can't imagine having babies then just to be done now. I struggle with how much kids keep me in the house and away from what I want to do. Also, I have so much more money and know myself so well now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think Gen X invented having kids in their 20s? I'm a millennial and most of my friends had kids in their 20s.

OP here. I'm 40 so I'm on the cusp of Gen X and Millennial but I have friends who fall on both sides. We had our kids young. I had three kids by 30. I also have friends/colleagues who are 10 years younger and are just now getting married and are hoping to have their kids in their mid to late thirties. They're doing this deliberately, it's not a financial thing (which the news media seems to make the case for a lot - that millennials delay childbearing because of lack of money). I see pluses and minuses to both approaches.

What I regret is that we didn't travel more in our twenties. But honestly, we didn't really have the money or motivation. Social media didn't really exist back then and so it was harder to get ideas and itineraries for cool trips. Anyway, we had our kids when we had less money but that was ok in a way because we didn't have the money to go out and I had less FOMO. We have a lot more money now and so we travel a lot more but we bring our kids so it's mostly to kid friendly places and it's very expensive.

My Millennial friends who are delaying childbearing are very into social media so they are doing elaborate bachelorette parties, weddings, trips, with tons of photos on Instagram. Sometimes I wish I was 10 years younger so I could have done things this way too. But celebrating every little thing and living it up for the 'gram wasn't as much of a thing 15 years ago.

People are going to say this sounds shallow and silly but I know what you mean. When I was in my twenties, people went out to dinner and a bar for a bachelorette. Maybe a day trip to a winery if you were feeling fancy. Now it's a three day trip to Vegas, Nashville, or the Caribbean. People who went to Hawaii or Italy on their honeymoon were fancy. Now they go to Bora Bora or an African safari. Same with other things that didn't really exist back then like "push presents" and "gender reveal parties." I definitely think it's been amplified by the effect of social media.

I think the three day events for bachelor parties are a class thing. I am 41 and everyone who got married in their 20s went on three day bachelor party trips to Vegas and New Orleans. MO one had to go to Africa for their honeymoon because they had already went. This was Boston in the 2000s. I think people know about these trips now because of social media. A lot of this was pre-FB

[Anonymous]

No regrets, I think this timeline is preferable (had kids at 26 and 28). I had way more energy for the sleepless nights and playground chases, and my career did not suffer much. Less anxiety too. Other pluses - my kids got to know their grandparents while they still were youthful and energetic, and the grandparents got to spend the time with the kids as young adults, seeing how they turned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think Gen X invented having kids in their 20s? I'm a millennial and most of my friends had kids in their 20s.

Ha! Silent generation and boomer parents did it too. Big whoop.

[Anonymous]

I am so jealous of those who had their kids young. I had my only child at 45 and it kills me to think of all those extra years I’m never going to have with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Free as a BIRD! A frickin' BIRD, I TELL YOU! Bye bye kiddies see you at Thanksgiving. Life is great.

I'm surprised by that sentiment. Is that because having kids when young and unsettled and raising them during the difficult career years was so tough that your primarily feeling of seeing them go is relief?

NP. This seems judgy. Like you’re trying to subtly get a dig in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so jealous of those who had their kids young. I had my only child at 45 and it kills me to think of all those extra years I’m never going to have with her.

No one is guaranteed tomorrow. I did have my kids in my mid-20s, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I get more time with them. Health things come up, accidents happen, life can change in an instant. Don’t for a second regret your path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Free as a BIRD! A frickin' BIRD, I TELL YOU! Bye bye kiddies see you at Thanksgiving. Life is great.

I'm surprised by that sentiment. Is that because having kids when young and unsettled and raising them during the difficult career years was so tough that your primarily feeling of seeing them go is relief?

NP. This seems judgy. Like you’re trying to subtly get a dig in?

Another np. Not such a subtle dig! I think parents feel free when their kids leave home because they get to devote their time and energy to themselves, growing their social lives and relationships, participating in their hobbies. Raising kids is a wonderful experience but it’s also wonderful to rediscover the world once you aren’t actively parenting. I think this is true for most parents regardless of when they have kids. Of course they miss them but it’s a whole new and exciting chapter where parents get to prioritize themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Never. DH and I are 54. Our kids are grown and out of the house. They are all doing great living their own lives. I loved having a house full of kids when I was younger. Now…the quiet is bliss.

+1

[Anonymous]

I loved being young and energetic with my kids. We had a great time while they were growing up. And now DH and I are enjoying our first year as empty-nesters - one freshman and one sophomore in college and we're 46 and 48. We're in the prime of our lives, the best of health, financially stable, and enjoying this stage.

[Anonymous]

Nope - I’m 42 and so glad my kids are in middle school. I have friends my age with toddlers and no freaking thanks. Especially with the pandemic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have millennial friends who are putting off kids to “travel” (they are mostly working full time and living in small apartments but going on vacations 2 or maybe 3 times a year). I’d never say it to them but I think they are making a mistake. There are definitely trade offs but these people want kids and they are putting this off to take a few weeks of vacation every year. Sure, vacations are fun and all but if you want kids I think it’s worth it to get to it before you are 35-40.

I’m a millennial and have 2 kids. So many of my friends are still waiting for the right time but I don’t get it. We all travelled and had fun in our early 20s and it was great but I was ready for the next chapter by my mid-late 20s. Of course there are parts of the world I’d like to explore but no one I know is truly out there traveling all the time and having adventures- they are working a 9-5 and going to Tulum occasionally.

This is so true. I take my kids to Tulum/Mexico every year on vacation, they are 11 and 13 and easy to travel with.

Most people who say that are waiting on life to “travel” don’t seem to be going on anymore vacations than I do?