If you are Gen X and had your kids in your twenties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have millennial friends who are putting off kids to “travel” (they are mostly working full time and living in small apartments but going on vacations 2 or maybe 3 times a year). I’d never say it to them but I think they are making a mistake. There are definitely trade offs but these people want kids and they are putting this off to take a few weeks of vacation every year. Sure, vacations are fun and all but if you want kids I think it’s worth it to get to it before you are 35-40.

I’m a millennial and have 2 kids. So many of my friends are still waiting for the right time but I don’t get it. We all travelled and had fun in our early 20s and it was great but I was ready for the next chapter by my mid-late 20s. Of course there are parts of the world I’d like to explore but no one I know is truly out there traveling all the time and having adventures- they are working a 9-5 and going to Tulum occasionally.

This is so true. I take my kids to Tulum/Mexico every year on vacation, they are 11 and 13 and easy to travel with.

Most people who say that are waiting on life to “travel” don’t seem to be going on anymore vacations than I do?

I'm millennial who had kids in my 30s who did travel a ton in my 20s. I spent a month in rural India on a camel trek. I lived in France for a couple of summers on a research exchange. I traveled all around Eastern Europe, spending time in Serbia, Romania. Bosnia, Slovakia, Croatia (before it was a tourist destination) and Hungry. I spent chunks of time in Croatia and Peru. I trekked across New Zealand for 3 weeks. I went to research conferences all over the world. I also used that time to complete my PhD and JD and launch my career, which I absolutely couldn't have done in the same way with kids. I'm sure not everyone takes the same advantage of that time, but it was amazing and I don't regret it one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way! Had our first at 27, second at 31. I just turned 45 and the oldest heads to college next year.

This will be me in two years! I have no regrets too! I love that I am exploring a new career path as my kids are entering MS and HS and that I can put the petal to the metal once my youngest is in college. I’ll only be 49 then. Many years of travels and experiences with my husband to follow, and time spent with my then grown children when I’m still young enough to keep up with them!

[Anonymous]

I should add that I did travel a ton in my twenties before I had my first at 28. So experiences I was lucky to have, but my career took a hit( which was partly my decision too). Things work out either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m gen x and only two of my friends had their first in their 20s, and that was like 28 which everyone thought was sooo young. One friend even got called a teenage mom.

This. I'm Gen X, and almost no one I know had kids in their 20s (and some of those were birth control failures). I feel like the majority of my friends had kids mid-30s to early 40s. I was 40 myself. But that's for highly educated, ambitious professionals on the coasts. I now live in the Midwest, where people of every generation have/ had kids in their 20s. I'm decades older than the other kindergarten moms.

I don't get why anyone thinks Millennials invented having kids late. My dad was Silent Generation and waited until 40, mostly for career reasons.

[Anonymous]

This is odd, OP. Most people I know (myself included) wish we had met our husbands earlier so that we could have had our children earlier. I had mine at 37 and 39, and I sure wish it had been earlier than that. I'm going to be 60 when my kids are getting out of college. My sister is 55 and her kids have been out of college and working full-time for a few years. I'm super jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is odd, OP. Most people I know (myself included) wish we had met our husbands earlier so that we could have had our children earlier. I had mine at 37 and 39, and I sure wish it had been earlier than that. I'm going to be 60 when my kids are getting out of college. My sister is 55 and her kids have been out of college and working full-time for a few years. I'm super jealous.

I am towards the younger end of GenX and my sister is towards the older end, FWIW

[Anonymous]

First kid at 28, fourth at 35. Let's just say I had a lot more energy then than I do now in my late 40s. Thank god I don't have a 5 year old now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so jealous of those who had their kids young. I had my only child at 45 and it kills me to think of all those extra years I’m never going to have with her.

No one is guaranteed tomorrow. I did have my kids in my mid-20s, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I get more time with them. Health things come up, accidents happen, life can change in an instant. Don’t for a second regret your path.

+1. This is a great sentiment in a post like this. Life has no guarantees. Whichever path you choose is fine. All have pluses and minuses. I am an older mom but know I am much more patient and attentive than I would have been in my 20s. I am healthy and energetic and hope that I am blessed with a long life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First kid at 28, fourth at 35. Let's just say I had a lot more energy then than I do now in my late 40s. Thank god I don't have a 5 year old now.

Yeah, that’s my feeling, too. We had our first kid when We were both 32, and the second one at 35. I’m now 45, and a friend of mine just now had her first kid. I couldn’t imagine dealing with those first few years at this age.

[Anonymous]

Like anything there are plusses and minuses to either. I'm Gen X and have a 5 yo. I had 20 years of my 20s..fun times, but by the time my son graduates college I'll be in my early 60s. Tradeoffs...no point in engaging in a "grass is greener" rabbit hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no regrets. I had my kids very early 30s and I am really enjoying the teen years now. I tend to feel sorry for my peers with young kids at my age.

Don’t bother feeling sorry for me. Married super young and had an amazing time doing whatever we wanted for 22 years. Lived overseas, moved at the drop of a hat and just had a ball. Now we have solid careers with flexibility, plenty of money and very low stress. Super easy raising the kids as an older parent. I gotta work until 65 anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m gen x and only two of my friends had their first in their 20s, and that was like 28 which everyone thought was sooo young. One friend even got called a teenage mom.

This. I'm Gen X, and almost no one I know had kids in their 20s (and some of those were birth control failures). I feel like the majority of my friends had kids mid-30s to early 40s. I was 40 myself. But that's for highly educated, ambitious professionals on the coasts. I now live in the Midwest, where people of every generation have/ had kids in their 20s. I'm decades older than the other kindergarten moms.

I don't get why anyone thinks Millennials invented having kids late. My dad was Silent Generation and waited until 40, mostly for career reasons.

Yeah, another Gen-Xer here. Strongly agree. My friends from high school in Ohio all had kids in their 20s but literally not a single one of my DC friends had a kid before 35.

[Anonymous]

I think Instagram has really exacerbated the perceived need to travel. My millennial friends that prioritize traveling over long term goals cling to travel as a way to define themselves as though it makes them better or more interesting people.

Seeing the world is amazing but there are ways to do this without it taking up your prime childbearing years (assuming you want kids). I think some of it stems from kind of a Peter Pan syndrome and the desire to feel “special” and more interesting. Unfortunately, a lot of these friends are now struggling with fertility issues and I truly feel bad for them but also kind of wonder how it didn’t occur to them that this might be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Instagram has really exacerbated the perceived need to travel. My millennial friends that prioritize traveling over long term goals cling to travel as a way to define themselves as though it makes them better or more interesting people.

Seeing the world is amazing but there are ways to do this without it taking up your prime childbearing years (assuming you want kids). I think some of it stems from kind of a Peter Pan syndrome and the desire to feel “special” and more interesting. Unfortunately, a lot of these friends are now struggling with fertility issues and I truly feel bad for them but also kind of wonder how it didn’t occur to them that this might be an issue.

+1. And it’s always the same places. A few years ago it was Iceland, the past couple of years Mexico City. They all just follow whatever is trendy at the moment.

[Anonymous]

No. I wish I had kids sooner.