If you are Gen X and had your kids in your twenties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think Gen X invented having kids in their 20s? I'm a millennial and most of my friends had kids in their 20s.

OP here. I'm 40 so I'm on the cusp of Gen X and Millennial but I have friends who fall on both sides. We had our kids young. I had three kids by 30. I also have friends/colleagues who are 10 years younger and are just now getting married and are hoping to have their kids in their mid to late thirties. They're doing this deliberately, it's not a financial thing (which the news media seems to make the case for a lot - that millennials delay childbearing because of lack of money). I see pluses and minuses to both approaches.

What I regret is that we didn't travel more in our twenties. But honestly, we didn't really have the money or motivation. Social media didn't really exist back then and so it was harder to get ideas and itineraries for cool trips. Anyway, we had our kids when we had less money but that was ok in a way because we didn't have the money to go out and I had less FOMO. We have a lot more money now and so we travel a lot more but we bring our kids so it's mostly to kid friendly places and it's very expensive.

My Millennial friends who are delaying childbearing are very into social media so they are doing elaborate bachelorette parties, weddings, trips, with tons of photos on Instagram. Sometimes I wish I was 10 years younger so I could have done things this way too. But celebrating every little thing and living it up for the 'gram wasn't as much of a thing 15 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think Gen X invented having kids in their 20s? I'm a millennial and most of my friends had kids in their 20s.

Gen X was the first to have a large segment having career first and kids later, actually. It just continues to increase. The median is still in the 20s though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think Gen X invented having kids in their 20s? I'm a millennial and most of my friends had kids in their 20s.

OP here. I'm 40 so I'm on the cusp of Gen X and Millennial but I have friends who fall on both sides. We had our kids young. I had three kids by 30. I also have friends/colleagues who are 10 years younger and are just now getting married and are hoping to have their kids in their mid to late thirties. They're doing this deliberately, it's not a financial thing (which the news media seems to make the case for a lot - that millennials delay childbearing because of lack of money). I see pluses and minuses to both approaches.

What I regret is that we didn't travel more in our twenties. But honestly, we didn't really have the money or motivation. Social media didn't really exist back then and so it was harder to get ideas and itineraries for cool trips. Anyway, we had our kids when we had less money but that was ok in a way because we didn't have the money to go out and I had less FOMO. We have a lot more money now and so we travel a lot more but we bring our kids so it's mostly to kid friendly places and it's very expensive.

My Millennial friends who are delaying childbearing are very into social media so they are doing elaborate bachelorette parties, weddings, trips, with tons of photos on Instagram. Sometimes I wish I was 10 years younger so I could have done things this way too. But celebrating every little thing and living it up for the 'gram wasn't as much of a thing 15 years ago.

People are going to say this sounds shallow and silly but I know what you mean. When I was in my twenties, people went out to dinner and a bar for a bachelorette. Maybe a day trip to a winery if you were feeling fancy. Now it's a three day trip to Vegas, Nashville, or the Caribbean. People who went to Hawaii or Italy on their honeymoon were fancy. Now they go to Bora Bora or an African safari. Same with other things that didn't really exist back then like "push presents" and "gender reveal parties." I definitely think it's been amplified by the effect of social media.

[Anonymous]

I’m gen x but did the millennial late kid thing. Now my gen x friends are posting Europe trip pics and it’s my turn to be jealous as I sit at home changing diapers! But it all evens out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had first at 29 so I barely qualify, but honestly this is a terrific route to take. As long as you are stable enough in those years financially, it’s the best route in my opinion. Then you get to enjoy them as adults for longer, and you are freed up to do your own thing by your mid to late 40s.

This. Plus, hopefully the kids are away before you have to go into parent-care mode, and it increases the likelihood of being a youngish grandparent and being able to actually help and enjoy for more years.

All of this. We absolutely loved our time with our kids, and we are absolutely thrilled to be heading into our 50s with kids happily launched into college. As PP said, I'm starting to see first signs that we will need to get more involved with our aging parents. So relieved to not be sandwiched.
In October, we get to take a vacation in the mountains at peak fall leaf season. Couldn't do that with school.age kids at home, and also couldn't do it in our 20s as young professionals because we hadn't earned enough leave.

[Anonymous]

I am happy with the decision. I really feel like it's a great way to have it all.

I have been working part time for the last 12 years, and probably will for another 2-4 until the kids are (mostly) out of the house. At that point, I will be in my late forties and have 20 years to focus on my career full time.
However, rather than being 25 with no experience being given other people's projects to work on, I will have tons of experience and contacts and know exactly what I want to do and how to make it happen. I'm not quite to the place where the kids don't need me as much, but I will be soon.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 29, 3rd and last at 32 and I think that’s the way to go. I felt I had plenty of time to be single and have fun in my 20s before I got married at 27. Kids are almost out of the house and I still feel young enough to travel, enjoy DH, and we have way more money than we did in our 20s so we can spend it on ourselves.

[Anonymous]

I'm happy with the decision to have kids first and career later.

The biggest problem with it is that you do miss out on years of compound interest in retirement accounts.

The biggest pro is that it's easy to get pregnant Also, having our young family was such an adventure early in our marriage. I'm sure it would have been nice to feel more settled, but it was exciting to be young and figuring things out together.

[Anonymous]

I’m Gen X, had kids in my 30’s (got married at 32) but wish I could have started younger. I don’t like being in my 40’s still having to deal with figuring out childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think Gen X invented having kids in their 20s? I'm a millennial and most of my friends had kids in their 20s.

OP here. I'm 40 so I'm on the cusp of Gen X and Millennial but I have friends who fall on both sides. We had our kids young. I had three kids by 30. I also have friends/colleagues who are 10 years younger and are just now getting married and are hoping to have their kids in their mid to late thirties. They're doing this deliberately, it's not a financial thing (which the news media seems to make the case for a lot - that millennials delay childbearing because of lack of money). I see pluses and minuses to both approaches.

What I regret is that we didn't travel more in our twenties. But honestly, we didn't really have the money or motivation. Social media didn't really exist back then and so it was harder to get ideas and itineraries for cool trips. Anyway, we had our kids when we had less money but that was ok in a way because we didn't have the money to go out and I had less FOMO. We have a lot more money now and so we travel a lot more but we bring our kids so it's mostly to kid friendly places and it's very expensive.

My Millennial friends who are delaying childbearing are very into social media so they are doing elaborate bachelorette parties, weddings, trips, with tons of photos on Instagram. Sometimes I wish I was 10 years younger so I could have done things this way too. But celebrating every little thing and living it up for the 'gram wasn't as much of a thing 15 years ago.

DP, and a GenX who had kids later (three between 35 and 40, zero issues conceiving). I traveled a fair bit in my 20s, including spending three months in Europe (UK, mostly) before starting grad school. Elaborate bachelorette parties and weddings are a waste of money, IMO. Living it up for social media? Who cares. But time spent living in a different country, doing whatever I wanted? That was priceless.

[Anonymous]

No regrets. I think it was absolutely the way to go.

[Anonymous]

These threads are pointless. You are only going to get replies from people saying they have zero regrets.

[Anonymous]

Early Gen Xer, 1st kid at 30, so I almost qualify. The last one is a senior in high school this year. I don't regret the schedule at all, and I'd be reveling in the quiet and sanity of an emptier nest except that eldercare is hitting me like a ton of bricks right now. I don't regret my timing at all, though, bc I can't imagine having little kids and dealing with really elderly parents and inlaws at the same time at my age. I have friends in their 50s who still have elementary school kids and I shudder to think of the stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m gen x but did the millennial late kid thing. Now my gen x friends are posting Europe trip pics and it’s my turn to be jealous as I sit at home changing diapers! But it all evens out in the end.

Agree.

We are all on our own timeline. It’s nice to have kids in college in my 40s, but I’m sure others felt the same way when I was busy with babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads are pointless. You are only going to get replies from people saying they have zero regrets.

Well, I do think the point about compound interest and the financial strain is real. And some careers are more suitable for this, some are not. I don't regret it, but I do think there are some tradeoffs.