If you are Gen X and had your kids in your twenties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 29, 3rd and last at 32 and I think that’s the way to go. I felt I had plenty of time to be single and have fun in my 20s before I got married at 27. Kids are almost out of the house and I still feel young enough to travel, enjoy DH, and we have way more money than we did in our 20s so we can spend it on ourselves.

I agree with this. Have kids in the 28-32ish range. You have time to live it up in your 20s and also have an empty nest early. Best of both worlds.

DP, but why is having an empty nest early a good thing? I mean, do people really think that have your last kid at 37 vs. 32 means you won't be able to travel or enjoy your spouse once the kids leave? That doesn't make sense to me.

The only real downside I see to having kids later is less time as a grandparent, assuming you become one. That, I completely get. But that sense of wanting to get the kids out of the way isn't how I want to feel as a parent (acknowledging how hard it is to parent). I don't know, I guess I see myself more as a marathon parent, in that I'm in this for the long haul, rather than sprinting to get it done and then get back to things I "enjoy." For example, we were FaceTiming with my MIL some months back, and it had been a long day with the kids and I was tired. And she said, "don't worry, Larla, it gets better: they grow up and leave the house and then you have it all to yourself!" And that's... not how I want to feel.

+100. Some of these posters don’t even sound like they like their kids. It’s sad really.

I have been parenting teenagers for 8 years and now I am ready to be done. Try it and see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 29, 3rd and last at 32 and I think that’s the way to go. I felt I had plenty of time to be single and have fun in my 20s before I got married at 27. Kids are almost out of the house and I still feel young enough to travel, enjoy DH, and we have way more money than we did in our 20s so we can spend it on ourselves.

I agree with this. Have kids in the 28-32ish range. You have time to live it up in your 20s and also have an empty nest early. Best of both worlds.

DP, but why is having an empty nest early a good thing? I mean, do people really think that have your last kid at 37 vs. 32 means you won't be able to travel or enjoy your spouse once the kids leave? That doesn't make sense to me.

The only real downside I see to having kids later is less time as a grandparent, assuming you become one. That, I completely get. But that sense of wanting to get the kids out of the way isn't how I want to feel as a parent (acknowledging how hard it is to parent). I don't know, I guess I see myself more as a marathon parent, in that I'm in this for the long haul, rather than sprinting to get it done and then get back to things I "enjoy." For example, we were FaceTiming with my MIL some months back, and it had been a long day with the kids and I was tired. And she said, "don't worry, Larla, it gets better: they grow up and leave the house and then you have it all to yourself!" And that's... not how I want to feel.

You are replying to my post. I assume you have not been through the teenage years yet.

[Anonymous]

I have had two teenagers and two college age kids taking classes from home during the pandemic. They are ready to leave and I am ready for them to leave! There's nothing wrong with this, it is the natural way of life cycles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 29, 3rd and last at 32 and I think that’s the way to go. I felt I had plenty of time to be single and have fun in my 20s before I got married at 27. Kids are almost out of the house and I still feel young enough to travel, enjoy DH, and we have way more money than we did in our 20s so we can spend it on ourselves.

I agree with this. Have kids in the 28-32ish range. You have time to live it up in your 20s and also have an empty nest early. Best of both worlds.

DP, but why is having an empty nest early a good thing? I mean, do people really think that have your last kid at 37 vs. 32 means you won't be able to travel or enjoy your spouse once the kids leave? That doesn't make sense to me.

The only real downside I see to having kids later is less time as a grandparent, assuming you become one. That, I completely get. But that sense of wanting to get the kids out of the way isn't how I want to feel as a parent (acknowledging how hard it is to parent). I don't know, I guess I see myself more as a marathon parent, in that I'm in this for the long haul, rather than sprinting to get it done and then get back to things I "enjoy." For example, we were FaceTiming with my MIL some months back, and it had been a long day with the kids and I was tired. And she said, "don't worry, Larla, it gets better: they grow up and leave the house and then you have it all to yourself!" And that's... not how I want to feel.

Not sure if you’ve been through this yet. But as someone who had their kids in the 29-32 range, I agree with the previous poster. It’s not that we want to be rid of our kids. That’s not it at all. There is a different dynamic in the house when you and your spouse are raising kids. When your kids have finished college, there is almost a renewed “couple” stage. Plus, there is just a wonderful dynamic spending time with your kids when you aren’t in the throes of the daily grind. We love spending time with our adult kids. It’s also been a blessing not to have to be sandwiched between raising young kids and helping with health issues of our parents. Another plus is that our kids were able to have great relationships with our own parents before age and health issues significantly slowed them down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my first at 29, 3rd and last at 32 and I think that’s the way to go. I felt I had plenty of time to be single and have fun in my 20s before I got married at 27. Kids are almost out of the house and I still feel young enough to travel, enjoy DH, and we have way more money than we did in our 20s so we can spend it on ourselves.

I agree with this. Have kids in the 28-32ish range. You have time to live it up in your 20s and also have an empty nest early. Best of both worlds.

DP, but why is having an empty nest early a good thing? I mean, do people really think that have your last kid at 37 vs. 32 means you won't be able to travel or enjoy your spouse once the kids leave? That doesn't make sense to me.

The only real downside I see to having kids later is less time as a grandparent, assuming you become one. That, I completely get. But that sense of wanting to get the kids out of the way isn't how I want to feel as a parent (acknowledging how hard it is to parent). I don't know, I guess I see myself more as a marathon parent, in that I'm in this for the long haul, rather than sprinting to get it done and then get back to things I "enjoy." For example, we were FaceTiming with my MIL some months back, and it had been a long day with the kids and I was tired. And she said, "don't worry, Larla, it gets better: they grow up and leave the house and then you have it all to yourself!" And that's... not how I want to feel.

Not sure if you’ve been through this yet. But as someone who had their kids in the 29-32 range, I agree with the previous poster. It’s not that we want to be rid of our kids. That’s not it at all. There is a different dynamic in the house when you and your spouse are raising kids. When your kids have finished college, there is almost a renewed “couple” stage. Plus, there is just a wonderful dynamic spending time with your kids when you aren’t in the throes of the daily grind. We love spending time with our adult kids. It’s also been a blessing not to have to be sandwiched between raising young kids and helping with health issues of our parents. Another plus is that our kids were able to have great relationships with our own parents before age and health issues significantly slowed them down.

To all the PPs saying I haven’t had teens yet: you’re right, I haven’t. So that’s a fair point. I completely get that the dynamic is different for spouses when raising kids vs. when the hard part of that is mostly done (i.e., they leave for college). And sure, having your kids younger means you get more years with them (and grandkids, again, if you have them)—though IME many young parents don’t have the perspective that older parents do, which can impact those relationships. Also, PP, I disagree that everyone who looks forward to an empty nest isn’t wanting to be rid of their kids. Some people are, and some parents put in very little effort into their relationships with their adult children. You sound lovely and grateful to have that time with yours, which is awesome. Trust me, not all parents feel the same, and it’s incredibly painful.

Ultimately, there are trade-offs either way and this isn’t something most people have as much control over as they’d like to admit. I mean, finding a partner young and staying happily married for decades requires a good bit of luck. There’s luck involved marrying older, too, but most older people know themselves better, which helps in choosing a partner. And there’s no point in wishing for something that could never be, so I’ll enjoy what I have.

[Anonymous]

We had our kids at 27 and 29 and I'm literally thankful of that every single day. We have so many fun plans for our empty nester years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had our kids at 27 and 29 and I'm literally thankful of that every single day. We have so many fun plans for our empty nester years

This is just stupid. Tomorrow is not guaranteed but stay planning lol.

[Anonymous]

So many responses of people who can’t wait for the kids to be out of the house. Kind of sad actually. I’m a millennial with little ones and I want to keep my kids with me forever selfishly.