I wish society didn't encourage people to put off having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

And... More and more CAN'T have children. Perhaps that pill isn't as safe as we've been lead to believe. Who knows for sure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

And... More and more CAN'T have children. Perhaps that pill isn't as safe as we've been lead to believe. Who knows for sure?

Perhaps your tooth fillings are poisoning you are you type this, and the process is accelerated by the fluoride in the water, who knows?

More likely it's not the pill but pollution and pesticides and plastics in our food supply. But it's better to be against the pill than against Monsanto, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those women who put my education and career first and kept putting off kids because I thought I had plenty of time. Unfortunately, I started trying too late. I was 35 and had a horrible time conceiving. After a lot of money and treatments, I had my DD at 38. I am now 49 and so tired. I wish I had the energy my mom had when I was growing up. We are 20 years apart and best friends. I may have a PhD, a great career, and lots of money, but looking back, I wish I would have put more emphasis on life and not my career.

Yes, but consider the counterfactual. Not being able to have lots of money - not being able to afford a house, or one in a good school district, enrichment activities for children, savings for your own retirement, none of that if you have a kid at 20, like your mom did (and mine too). And then once the kids went to college - your own dimmer prospects without a good degree in an increasingly competitive job market.

Wow, what a generalization that is. I had my first child at 20, was a SAHM until my second child was 10, bought and sold five different houses while raising our kids, went to college and got a BS between 35 and 40, lived in literally the best school district in NoVa (I know, debatable, but I researched it before we moved there), and both my husband and I will enjoy a nice retirement without depending on our kids to provide it. My husband supported us first in the military and then later as a self-employed contractor. Don't assume how others manage their lives despite what your parents may or may not have done.

And BTW, I am more than thrilled to have had my kids young, now that they are adults and I have grandchildren I do not envy others my age still raising kids, no thanks!

So it all really depends on how much your DH is earning then? 1950s called and said hello...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it's best for the planet that the human race *doesn't* reproduce at its theoretical optimal.

We've already half-killed the place, and it doesn't need zillions more greedy First Worlders running around with their single-use plastics and their giant SUVs.

May the downward trend continue until every child is a wanted and supported one.

People live in a bubble if they think there is a downward trend overall. While some women wait to have children, this is not the case in all social, racial, economic classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

And... More and more CAN'T have children. Perhaps that pill isn't as safe as we've been lead to believe. Who knows for sure?

Perhaps your tooth fillings are poisoning you are you type this, and the process is accelerated by the fluoride in the water, who knows?

More likely it's not the pill but pollution and pesticides and plastics in our food supply. But it's better to be against the pill than against Monsanto, right?

Or our cellular carriers. WiFi is messing with our bodies. Wait till the 5g hits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 31 and 33, which according to current standards is about the perfect age. However, my own parent had me at 23 and 24 and it's weird to me to think that when my parents were my age (46), I was already out of college, whereas my own kids are 12 and 14. I'm a bit torn because I certainly enjoyed my childfree time in my 20's, but hate to think that my kids and future grandkids will be younger when I'm gone. I didn't lose my first grandparent, till I was in my 40s. I understand the benefits of delaying kids, but sometimes, I think society is doing a disservice to us by encouraging this.

Look to the Duggars for inspiration then! Two of them will have two kids before the age of 22. Is that what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

+1000! I'm a 30yo woman who is doing my PhD and I have long decided that I am childfree by choice. My grandmother didn't have the same choices I have- she was illiterate and coerced into marriage and bore 7 children- with no pain meds. Her life sucked and I wish more people can realize just how recent it has been in human history for a woman to exercise her reproductive choices. Unless of course you're in Alabama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

+1000! I'm a 30yo woman who is doing my PhD and I have long decided that I am childfree by choice. My grandmother didn't have the same choices I have- she was illiterate and coerced into marriage and bore 7 children- with no pain meds. Her life sucked and I wish more people can realize just how recent it has been in human history for a woman to exercise her reproductive choices. Unless of course you're in Alabama.

Why on earth are you on this forum? Your life can’t be that full if you’re browsing parenting websites in your free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

+1000! I'm a 30yo woman who is doing my PhD and I have long decided that I am childfree by choice. My grandmother didn't have the same choices I have- she was illiterate and coerced into marriage and bore 7 children- with no pain meds. Her life sucked and I wish more people can realize just how recent it has been in human history for a woman to exercise her reproductive choices. Unless of course you're in Alabama.

Why on earth are you on this forum? Your life can’t be that full if you’re browsing parenting websites in your free time.

NP and maybe she is here to provide another viewpoint for those on fence to become parents or feeling pressure to have another kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those women who put my education and career first and kept putting off kids because I thought I had plenty of time. Unfortunately, I started trying too late. I was 35 and had a horrible time conceiving. After a lot of money and treatments, I had my DD at 38. I am now 49 and so tired. I wish I had the energy my mom had when I was growing up. We are 20 years apart and best friends. I may have a PhD, a great career, and lots of money, but looking back, I wish I would have put more emphasis on life and not my career.

Yes, but consider the counterfactual. Not being able to have lots of money - not being able to afford a house, or one in a good school district, enrichment activities for children, savings for your own retirement, none of that if you have a kid at 20, like your mom did (and mine too). And then once the kids went to college - your own dimmer prospects without a good degree in an increasingly competitive job market.

Wow, what a generalization that is. I had my first child at 20, was a SAHM until my second child was 10, bought and sold five different houses while raising our kids, went to college and got a BS between 35 and 40, lived in literally the best school district in NoVa (I know, debatable, but I researched it before we moved there), and both my husband and I will enjoy a nice retirement without depending on our kids to provide it. My husband supported us first in the military and then later as a self-employed contractor. Don't assume how others manage their lives despite what your parents may or may not have done.

And BTW, I am more than thrilled to have had my kids young, now that they are adults and I have grandchildren I do not envy others my age still raising kids, no thanks!

So it all really depends on how much your DH is earning then? 1950s called and said hello...

He and I both valued having an actual parent care for our kids when they were young. I also worked for many years as well. And yes I am thankful he made enough for us to realize the lifestyle and parenting we both preferred. It may be a concept that is outdated now but someone is paying the price for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

+1000! I'm a 30yo woman who is doing my PhD and I have long decided that I am childfree by choice. My grandmother didn't have the same choices I have- she was illiterate and coerced into marriage and bore 7 children- with no pain meds. Her life sucked and I wish more people can realize just how recent it has been in human history for a woman to exercise her reproductive choices. Unless of course you're in Alabama.

Glad to have you chime in on this forum with your viewpoint. I was like this at 30. Had an advance degree, no major desire to have kids, could give or take so no real rush to get married either. It’s 2019 and women can decide if they want kids or not and not for society to judge them any different. I respect you for your choices and just because I have a child doesn’t mean I think less of anyone who doesn’t.

BTW then I met my husband, and he really wanted to have kids and be a dad. So I re-considered. So we have a DS now, and he has been the most amazing dad. He actually does more of the child stuff than me because my career is more demanding. It’s what works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

+1000! I'm a 30yo woman who is doing my PhD and I have long decided that I am childfree by choice. My grandmother didn't have the same choices I have- she was illiterate and coerced into marriage and bore 7 children- with no pain meds. Her life sucked and I wish more people can realize just how recent it has been in human history for a woman to exercise her reproductive choices. Unless of course you're in Alabama.

Why on earth are you on this forum? Your life can’t be that full if you’re browsing parenting websites in your free time.

NP and maybe she is here to provide another viewpoint for those on fence to become parents or feeling pressure to have another kid

But how did she end up here? I don’t play video games, and you’d never find me on a video game discussion forum telling people that I don’t play video games. I always find these posts bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very glad I live in a society where women have the choice (and methods) to never have children. We still have a lot of work to do to get the point where it's not just assumed that every woman will or wants to be a broodmare.

+1000! I'm a 30yo woman who is doing my PhD and I have long decided that I am childfree by choice. My grandmother didn't have the same choices I have- she was illiterate and coerced into marriage and bore 7 children- with no pain meds. Her life sucked and I wish more people can realize just how recent it has been in human history for a woman to exercise her reproductive choices. Unless of course you're in Alabama.

Why on earth are you on this forum? Your life can’t be that full if you’re browsing parenting websites in your free time.

NP and maybe she is here to provide another viewpoint for those on fence to become parents or feeling pressure to have another kid

But how did she end up here? I don’t play video games, and you’d never find me on a video game discussion forum telling people that I don’t play video games. I always find these posts bizarre.

Now, now, DCUM is much more than a parenting forum regardless of if that is how it started or how it's named. I was on here myself long before I had a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those women who put my education and career first and kept putting off kids because I thought I had plenty of time. Unfortunately, I started trying too late. I was 35 and had a horrible time conceiving. After a lot of money and treatments, I had my DD at 38. I am now 49 and so tired. I wish I had the energy my mom had when I was growing up. We are 20 years apart and best friends. I may have a PhD, a great career, and lots of money, but looking back, I wish I would have put more emphasis on life and not my career.

Yes, but consider the counterfactual. Not being able to have lots of money - not being able to afford a house, or one in a good school district, enrichment activities for children, savings for your own retirement, none of that if you have a kid at 20, like your mom did (and mine too). And then once the kids went to college - your own dimmer prospects without a good degree in an increasingly competitive job market.

Wow, what a generalization that is. I had my first child at 20, was a SAHM until my second child was 10, bought and sold five different houses while raising our kids, went to college and got a BS between 35 and 40, lived in literally the best school district in NoVa (I know, debatable, but I researched it before we moved there), and both my husband and I will enjoy a nice retirement without depending on our kids to provide it. My husband supported us first in the military and then later as a self-employed contractor. Don't assume how others manage their lives despite what your parents may or may not have done.

And BTW, I am more than thrilled to have had my kids young, now that they are adults and I have grandchildren I do not envy others my age still raising kids, no thanks!

So you didn't go to college until you were 35? I'd say you missed out on a lot then. Glad you're happy now, but I doubt that's a path many people want to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those women who put my education and career first and kept putting off kids because I thought I had plenty of time. Unfortunately, I started trying too late. I was 35 and had a horrible time conceiving. After a lot of money and treatments, I had my DD at 38. I am now 49 and so tired. I wish I had the energy my mom had when I was growing up. We are 20 years apart and best friends. I may have a PhD, a great career, and lots of money, but looking back, I wish I would have put more emphasis on life and not my career.

Yes, but consider the counterfactual. Not being able to have lots of money - not being able to afford a house, or one in a good school district, enrichment activities for children, savings for your own retirement, none of that if you have a kid at 20, like your mom did (and mine too). And then once the kids went to college - your own dimmer prospects without a good degree in an increasingly competitive job market.

Wow, what a generalization that is. I had my first child at 20, was a SAHM until my second child was 10, bought and sold five different houses while raising our kids, went to college and got a BS between 35 and 40, lived in literally the best school district in NoVa (I know, debatable, but I researched it before we moved there), and both my husband and I will enjoy a nice retirement without depending on our kids to provide it. My husband supported us first in the military and then later as a self-employed contractor. Don't assume how others manage their lives despite what your parents may or may not have done.

And BTW, I am more than thrilled to have had my kids young, now that they are adults and I have grandchildren I do not envy others my age still raising kids, no thanks!

So it all really depends on how much your DH is earning then? 1950s called and said hello...

He and I both valued having an actual parent care for our kids when they were young. I also worked for many years as well. And yes I am thankful he made enough for us to realize the lifestyle and parenting we both preferred. It may be a concept that is outdated now but someone is paying the price for that.

You and your judgment can go somewhere else.