Teach Me to Raise an "Upper-Middle Class" Child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies but this is a great sociology book that partly gets at what you're asking - Unequal Childhoods by Annette Lareau (Class, Race, and Family Life)
https://www.amazon.com/Unequal-Childhoods-Family-Update-Decade/dp/0520271424/

Another glimpse of how different classes raise their kids (to different effect) is a 2015 book by Harvard professor Robert Putnam. This book was a fascinating read and I recommend it to anyone. It's very easy to read too.

Our Kids: The American Dream in Crisis
By Robert Putnam

A New York Times bestseller and “a passionate, urgent” (The New Yorker) examination of the growing inequality gap from the bestselling author of Bowling Alone: why fewer Americans today have the opportunity for upward mobility.

Central to the very idea of America is the principle that we are a nation of opportunity. But over the last quarter century we have seen a disturbing “opportunity gap” emerge. We Americans have always believed that those who have talent and try hard will succeed, but this central tenet of the American Dream seems no longer true or at the least, much less true than it was.

In Our Kids, Robert Putnam offers a personal and authoritative look at this new American crisis, beginning with the example of his high school class of 1959 in Port Clinton, Ohio. The vast majority of those students went on to lives better than those of their parents. But their children and grandchildren have faced diminishing prospects. Putnam tells the tale of lessening opportunity through poignant life stories of rich, middle class, and poor kids from cities and suburbs across the country, brilliantly blended with the latest social-science research.

“A truly masterful volume” (Financial Times), Our Kids provides a disturbing account of the American dream that is “thoughtful and persuasive” (The Economist). Our Kids offers a rare combination of individual testimony and rigorous evidence: “No one can finish this book and feel complacent about equal opportunity” (The New York Times Book Review).

[Anonymous]

OP I grew up upper middle class but I'm an immigrant so some things are foreign to me and well and some things I just completely disagree with. I for example don't believe in enrolling my kids in more than one activity at a time, because family time to me is paramount. This is not to preach but to say that you should be yourself. Observe. Take what you believe in and discard the rest. I took all the lessons UMC kids here take - swimming, piano, horse riding, ballet etc. I also did art and karate. I didn't do them all at the same time and I liked how my sister and I did them together. Out of the lessons I listed I think swimming is by far the most important. Other things that I grew up with that are very UMC - eating in good restaurants even as a child, traveling, going to museums and plays, listening to classical music, and reading. Some of these things are just purely UMC such as restaurants but other things like the reading and museums and music are good things to expose your children to regardless. Again take what suits you and your family and ignore what doesn't. Healthy eating is also something that's important here but I feel there is a focus on getting kids to "eat their vegetables" without making them taste good. When I am with collegues and friends that didn't grow up UMC there are a few things I notice - in restaurants not placing your fork and knife in the correct position to indicate that you are done eating, acting surprised when hotel give you an umbrella to take outside, not knowing what to do when getting on a plane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I grew up upper middle class but I'm an immigrant so some things are foreign to me and well and some things I just completely disagree with. I for example don't believe in enrolling my kids in more than one activity at a time, because family time to me is paramount. This is not to preach but to say that you should be yourself. Observe. Take what you believe in and discard the rest. I took all the lessons UMC kids here take - swimming, piano, horse riding, ballet etc. I also did art and karate. I didn't do them all at the same time and I liked how my sister and I did them together. Out of the lessons I listed I think swimming is by far the most important. Other things that I grew up with that are very UMC - eating in good restaurants even as a child, traveling, going to museums and plays, listening to classical music, and reading. Some of these things are just purely UMC such as restaurants but other things like the reading and museums and music are good things to expose your children to regardless. Again take what suits you and your family and ignore what doesn't. Healthy eating is also something that's important here but I feel there is a focus on getting kids to "eat their vegetables" without making them taste good. When I am with collegues and friends that didn't grow up UMC there are a few things I notice - in restaurants not placing your fork and knife in the correct position to indicate that you are done eating, acting surprised when hotel give you an umbrella to take outside, not knowing what to do when getting on a plane

PP again. I'd like to add: Don't overspend. It's tacky. Don't wear brands where the label is plastered everywhere such as those couch or LV bags. Focus more on spending quality daily time than on activities - I've seen too many people with mental and emotional issues when they grow up and it all seems to be connected to a weak family structure. Bedtimes should be early. Have structure for kids - set mealtimes, nap times etc. Teach kids manners - please and thank you but also hello and goodbye. Keep a neat house. Have nice furniture. Doesn't have to be expensive - but it. Reds to look like you've put thought in to it.