girlfriend on family vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.

Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!

I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.

If you are living with your GF, then that's a committed relationship and should be treated as such I would never have moved in with a boyfriend who was not committed to our relationship

My girlfriend can always break up with me and we don't have the commitment of marriage yet.

When is the threshold for when my gf should be seen as equal to my family? After the first date? 6months? A year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need to see him “alone”?

Funny how you say “we” never see him alone. So you and DH are a package deal, and that’s fine, but son needs to visit “alone”?

How very interesting.

OP and DH are married and have biological offspring(s). The son and his gf are not married and do not have biological offspring(s) together. OP and her DH can ask to spend time along with their unmarried adult DS on a family vacation. For all practical purposes, the gf is just a chick their DS is banging.

There is a difference.

Also it's highly disrespectful to refer to a serious partner of an adult who they live with as "some chic their DS is banging" this isn't some HS gf of 1 month. This is a serious adult relationship. That downplays the seriousness of their relationship.

Clearly the son loves this girl and they live together so he doesn't see her as "some chic he is banging."

I'm curious if instead of being 25 this couple was 45 would you still refer to them as "some girl he is banging?"

I mean, OP admitted her son is a “serial monogamist,” which I take to mean he whips through girlfriends with a quickness. So personally I wouldn’t be spending a lot of money on a girlfriend of less than a year—she’ll probably be tossed out with next month’s garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.

Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!

I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.

If you are living with your GF, then that's a committed relationship and should be treated as such I would never have moved in with a boyfriend who was not committed to our relationship

My girlfriend can always break up with me and we don't have the commitment of marriage yet.

When is the threshold for when my gf should be seen as equal to my family? After the first date? 6months? A year?

Before she agrees to move in with you. But you’re right — she can always break up with you. So can wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need to see him “alone”?

Funny how you say “we” never see him alone. So you and DH are a package deal, and that’s fine, but son needs to visit “alone”?

How very interesting.

OP and DH are married and have biological offspring(s). The son and his gf are not married and do not have biological offspring(s) together. OP and her DH can ask to spend time along with their unmarried adult DS on a family vacation. For all practical purposes, the gf is just a chick their DS is banging.

There is a difference.

Also it's highly disrespectful to refer to a serious partner of an adult who they live with as "some chic their DS is banging" this isn't some HS gf of 1 month. This is a serious adult relationship. That downplays the seriousness of their relationship.

Clearly the son loves this girl and they live together so he doesn't see her as "some chic he is banging."

I'm curious if instead of being 25 this couple was 45 would you still refer to them as "some girl he is banging?"

I mean, OP admitted her son is a “serial monogamist,” which I take to mean he whips through girlfriends with a quickness. So personally I wouldn’t be spending a lot of money on a girlfriend of less than a year—she’ll probably be tossed out with next month’s garbage.

That's a gross way to talk about any young woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need to see him “alone”?

Funny how you say “we” never see him alone. So you and DH are a package deal, and that’s fine, but son needs to visit “alone”?

How very interesting.

OP and DH are married and have biological offspring(s). The son and his gf are not married and do not have biological offspring(s) together. OP and her DH can ask to spend time along with their unmarried adult DS on a family vacation. For all practical purposes, the gf is just a chick their DS is banging.

There is a difference.

Also it's highly disrespectful to refer to a serious partner of an adult who they live with as "some chic their DS is banging" this isn't some HS gf of 1 month. This is a serious adult relationship. That downplays the seriousness of their relationship.

Clearly the son loves this girl and they live together so he doesn't see her as "some chic he is banging."

I'm curious if instead of being 25 this couple was 45 would you still refer to them as "some girl he is banging?"

I mean, OP admitted her son is a “serial monogamist,” which I take to mean he whips through girlfriends with a quickness. So personally I wouldn’t be spending a lot of money on a girlfriend of less than a year—she’ll probably be tossed out with next month’s garbage.

That's a gross way to talk about any young woman.

Plus a serial monogamist still means when her son dates these women they are exclusive therefore should be invited accordingly. Not saying by any means the OP has to pay for her but the invitation should be there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.

Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!

I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.

If you are living with your GF, then that's a committed relationship and should be treated as such I would never have moved in with a boyfriend who was not committed to our relationship

My girlfriend can always break up with me and we don't have the commitment of marriage yet.

When is the threshold for when my gf should be seen as equal to my family? After the first date? 6months? A year?

Before she agrees to move in with you. But you’re right — she can always break up with you. So can wives.

His GF is going to break up with him if mommy always comes first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.

Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!

I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.

If you are living with your GF, then that's a committed relationship and should be treated as such I would never have moved in with a boyfriend who was not committed to our relationship

My girlfriend can always break up with me and we don't have the commitment of marriage yet.

When is the threshold for when my gf should be seen as equal to my family? After the first date? 6months? A year?

Before she agrees to move in with you. But you’re right — she can always break up with you. So can wives.

This^. Unless its to save rent, moving in is a show of commitment. Obviously, any relationship, married or unmarried, can end any time. That's why tribal people used, "Blood is thicker than water" or "Wife is a shoe you can change anytime" sort of phrases to be dismissive of romantic relationships.

[Anonymous]

Idk. May be there is something wrong with the son, serial monogamy, moving in and out quickly but failure to commit sincerely.Probably, he is the reason family doesn't take his commitments seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some PPs are actually trying to make the argument that the OP is taking away vacation time from the couple by not inviting the gf. I'm sorry but this is his own MOTHER. And this is a GF (not a wife or a fiance) of a year. I think as the mother she has every right to ask for some of her own son's vacation time. The GF has to realize that they have been together a year and her BF has lots of long standing relationships that started before she came into the picture that needs to be respected as well. If the gf thinks by a mother asking her son to vacation together as a family is taking away from vacation time that she feels is "rightfully" owed solely to her than she is sadly mistaken. She isn't automatically owed all of her boyfriend's vacation time.

What if the GF requested OP's son to take a vacation just the two of them then we could say well she is taking away from vacation time that her bf could be using with his family.

Which I think would be the stronger argument because right now at the stage they are all mother and immediate family should come before gf not the other way around.

Ha no.

So you think a girlfriend of one year is equal to a mother?

Its not a competition. Both are important. One as his mother, other as a potential mother of his kids. If you intend to build a life together with someone, its not about how many years you've spent together but the life you intent to build together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.

How long wife has to compete with that? 30 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some PPs are actually trying to make the argument that the OP is taking away vacation time from the couple by not inviting the gf. I'm sorry but this is his own MOTHER. And this is a GF (not a wife or a fiance) of a year. I think as the mother she has every right to ask for some of her own son's vacation time. The GF has to realize that they have been together a year and her BF has lots of long standing relationships that started before she came into the picture that needs to be respected as well. If the gf thinks by a mother asking her son to vacation together as a family is taking away from vacation time that she feels is "rightfully" owed solely to her than she is sadly mistaken. She isn't automatically owed all of her boyfriend's vacation time.

What if the GF requested OP's son to take a vacation just the two of them then we could say well she is taking away from vacation time that her bf could be using with his family.

Which I think would be the stronger argument because right now at the stage they are all mother and immediate family should come before gf not the other way around.

Ha no.

So you think a girlfriend of one year is equal to a mother?

I think it is really weird to prioritize a vacation with mommy over a romantic interest. Really weird. Cut the apron strings.

Its not if GF doesn't want to come but feels fine for him to keep his commitment to the family about a planned vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.

Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!

I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.

Wives were once girlfriends

The vast majority do not play both roles.

I like that he has a bar, under which, family of origin comes first.

Disagree he sounds like a momma's boy. Why would a 30 year old man want to vacation with his mommy while his gf is excluded instead of growing up being a man and vacationing with his romantic partner? That isn't normal for a man that age

To be fair, its not like its an impromptu mommy-son trip excluding a GF. Its a family trip planned way before GF came into picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some PPs are actually trying to make the argument that the OP is taking away vacation time from the couple by not inviting the gf. I'm sorry but this is his own MOTHER. And this is a GF (not a wife or a fiance) of a year. I think as the mother she has every right to ask for some of her own son's vacation time. The GF has to realize that they have been together a year and her BF has lots of long standing relationships that started before she came into the picture that needs to be respected as well. If the gf thinks by a mother asking her son to vacation together as a family is taking away from vacation time that she feels is "rightfully" owed solely to her than she is sadly mistaken. She isn't automatically owed all of her boyfriend's vacation time.

What if the GF requested OP's son to take a vacation just the two of them then we could say well she is taking away from vacation time that her bf could be using with his family.

Which I think would be the stronger argument because right now at the stage they are all mother and immediate family should come before gf not the other way around.

Ha no.

So you think a girlfriend of one year is equal to a mother?

I think it is really weird to prioritize a vacation with mommy over a romantic interest. Really weird. Cut the apron strings.

Its not if GF doesn't want to come but feels fine for him to keep his commitment to the family about a planned vacation.

The GF not wanting to come is a lor different than her not being invited at all. The former is acceptable for the son to still attend the vacation the latter not so much. He needs to be a partner first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.

Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!

I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.

Wives were once girlfriends

The vast majority do not play both roles.

I like that he has a bar, under which, family of origin comes first.

Disagree he sounds like a momma's boy. Why would a 30 year old man want to vacation with his mommy while his gf is excluded instead of growing up being a man and vacationing with his romantic partner? That isn't normal for a man that age

To be fair, its not like its an impromptu mommy-son trip excluding a GF. Its a family trip planned way before GF came into picture.

I understand that but now this gf is in the picture and they been together a year now. The BF should be standing up and saying they are a unit they live together she is also invited she will pay completely her own way but she needs to be welcome. Then if he decides to still go if they don't extend the invite we got a momma's boy on our hands who prioritizes his mom's wishes over his serious gf.

I will make the determination on what one it is when we find out more.

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ this guy wanting to spending some time with the family he has known for 30 years isn't betraying his GF of one year. He can live his gf but still care about the wishes of his parents. Some of you expect wife privileges. Him being in a relationship doesn't mean his family is suddenly forgotten about.